Below:
31 October 2022 =
A decade stroke FREE for Kitty!
Whoop, whoop, it's in the calendar! Let's have some 'blood thinners' (aka booze) in celebration!
You little beauty, we've made it!
What we once thought was utterly inconceivable has now been achieved (with a little help of daily blood thinners #technicality). This month marks 10 whole years since my life - along with that of my ever-so-supportive Mother Duck's - were suddenly thrown into absolute turmoil & disarray with just a one-in-three chance of surviving the fierce onslaught to make it this far (with my life expectancy after strokes also drastically affected/reduced but just look how far we have come).
While it is an utter relief that my cheeky brain & its troublesome blood vessels have managed to hang on to reach the decade milestone, the excruciatingly-long rehab road has been ever so gruelling & confronting if only for losing all that made my life worthwhile when I basically woke up that (otherwise) typical London morning in late 2012. At just 26, life's almighty purpose & passion were unavoidably & instantly stolen from my identity & I have had to watch on as everyone else all around me instead relish in all their flourishing lives' healthy journeys. This isn't meant to happen while in your (intended) prime years of life. Imagine abruptly losing such a vital part of the brain ultimately needed for your life's cherished independence plus its progression as you simply open your eyes for the day & for the majority of your adult existence, you've since been confronted by such a gaping void, constantly trying just to regain a purposeful life again that often feels like merely a pipe dream.
Thanks largely to good ole hope which makes the present much easier to bear & the future more sought after (let's get there!), the past decade has been an epic journey not only of grand achievements I initially thought as inconceivable but also a path of raw disappointments mixed with restrictions & complex challenges galore. One aspect of being a young stroke survivor with considerable (+ permanent) brain damage is whenever I walk into a room & then meet someone for the first time, I have various challenges associated with such that a healthy person would never/rarely be dealt. Depending whether an individual knows of me before/is aware of what has happened to my brain (& accurately grasps such a complex concept, a rarity), I have to try quash their preconceived assumptions & judgements of stroke, mental health as a whole, brain damage + its intricacies & of me, the young stroke sufferer (which isn't necessarily successful).
Almost immediately, the onus is on me to (try) prove to people that I am still worthy of their time, consideration & respect, that I am still a capable person with hopes + ambitions just like everyone else & that I did not deserve to have my strokes nor the damage & loss in all facets of my life they both so ruthlessly caused. Talk about a total mind fuck!
Ultimately, it has been my avid mission the past decade to help shift the current conversation surrounding stroke + its harsh aftermath (for those with considerable brain damage who are suffering from life-crumbling effects) along with challenge stroke/brain-injury taboos, restrictions, stigma, discrimination & stereotypes (I'm still here, I'm still worthy, I'm still *very* funny) especially when a brain attack strikes someone while in their life's youthful years (it happens far more frequently than many may initially realise - a considerable 1/4 of all stroke sufferers are young, in fact & the cause of stroke is so often not necessarily due to one's direct actions).
Out of my control, the two brutal brain injuries instantly tore away all my dreams, my plans, my entire future. Just a few weeks shy of my 27th birthday, it was suddenly up to me - along with my dear Mummy's 24/7 support - to work my way all the way back up again to a life that I control, want & embrace. To bravely pick myself up when failure + struggle were inevitable to then write a new narrative for my young life, an epic story none of us thought I'd live but with just as much purpose, connection & sidesplitting jokes.
Now, I've earned the smiles (+ smile wrinkles!) on my face through the strength & perseverance life as a two-time stroke survivor has particularly given me.
While I appreciate the past & all the invaluable life lessons it has taught me, I need to remain steadily focused on the present time + I too must ensure to protect my future as well for I want to survive & even more than that, I also want to thrive.
Now, a decade on since I became brain damaged & thus needing constant care + assistance, my will to live continues to be stronger than my fear of death & while I have often felt like I've been stumbling aimlessly through an otherwise-young life like a kite that has lost its thread, I have also found reassuring solace + purpose in who I am now & the path I have unrelentingly paved out since strokes.
Below: Others being tardy ain't a problem when you have short-term memory loss 😎.
Yet another positive to the brain attacks all these years later. You're welcome, dear mates!
January 2022
As you may have very well noticed yourself, it can be incredibly easy to feel gratitude when your life has been largely smooth sailing (despite the supposed hardships one may feel they had that did not actually impact various aspects of their life unavoidably in such a great extent to then force one's path & choices to be completely altered + diminished & then restrict their life's progression entirely for an extensive period of time/indefinitely &/or cause a premature & likely death) & there can also be the truly awful tendency to then critique those who do struggle when you are instead on a good wicket yourself. Unfortunately, that's 'just' how the vastly complex human brain is wired (being aware of such a thoughtless tendency is always helpful for self-monitoring as well as reassuring perspective & understanding of the thought processes and actions of others) & while it took years upon years for my newly-anxious mind to realise that my 'Aussie-battler' self is still worthy & cherished as much today as it was prior to strokes by the people who do actually matter, being grateful for those who continue to support & understand has always been at the forefront of my priorities.
Some of my particular key learnings from this long-winded ordeal of losing such a vital part of my mind & hence, unavoidably then being stripped of my life's (intended/earned) trajectory & general progression despite my steadfast focus on reclaiming elements of my former life is that some people can dismiss, avoid + downplay the battle of a young stroke survivor who physically looks able & then there can even be those who are acutely aware of the immense + constant struggles & hazards, yet no longer see any worth in you nor consider the (life-altering) situation as something that should affect one's life all that much like it has mine. Imagine if there was that kind of ignorant thought process & critique when it comes to other health hurdles and diseases.
Presently, poor treatment & consideration have shown to be accepted as part & parcel when you have a life-hindering stroke yet it is certainly not the norm with less concerning diseases that are instead shown far more consideration & sympathy by our present society (only heart disease has a higher rate than stroke in cause of death, absolutely nothing else beats stroke in cause of disability).
When will the attitude, understanding & compassion surrounding stroke & mental health as a whole shift for the better?
For the more recent stroke survivors struggling with such significant brain damage that has completely upended their life, purpose & cherished identity with such awful byproducts aggressively rubbed in their faces from the very moment they have suffered a life-changing brain injury, being aware that ignorance (about strokes, their consequent effects + persevering post an incredibly serious medical event to the mind & the various challenges in life after an acquired brain injury) is unfortunately the present (<<operative word) expectation after surviving such catastrophic health events to your most advanced & intricate organ (which is out of your control, lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink it). In my particular experience as a stroke sufferer, having such an awareness of the current climate to expect can help ease the anxiety of what one tends to be dealt by others as a young stroke survivor with devastating damage, in particular.
Below: Be like Mr Pigeon
“Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.”
– old spiritual mate, Dalai Lama
An incredibly informative article that would have been immensely helpful in gaining perspective & understanding when challenged with others who lack empathy since becoming a two-time young stroke survivor during such a harsh, restricted & long-winded journey while in my (intended) prime years of life -
The blatant fact is some people are 'genetically blessed' to just not give a damn about you or anyone else around them and it can take something as catastrophic as stroke (an alarming 2-in-3 chance of dying in the initial years that follow a brain attack + the number one cause of complex adult disability with survivors' life expectancy having a concerning 1/3 cut off) for one to realise just how little certain types of people care. Leading those (proverbial) horses to the water (of-stroke-sufferer-enlightenment) is not going to make them drink it either; their empathy is influenced largely by both genetics & socialisation (according to reliable research) so the current world is not looking too pretty in the empathy stakes when it has been found to now be all about our own personal journeys (+ egos) & ultimately what is in it for the individual themselves.
As parents all around the world have undoubtedly realised firsthand, some people are born with empathy galore, but it is also our particular experiences throughout life that too develop, influence & strengthen the extent of our empathy + awareness of how others are actually feeling in their lives.
Those sparkling types of people are the real gems of the world. We ought to dig hard for them & never ever let them go.
'Empathy fuels kindness and human connection. Allow yourself to empathise with other people and create boundaries to protect yourself from those who don't express that empathy in return.'
Boom, precisely.
Below is a brief excerpt from the thought-provoking article above of tips to help a young stroke survivor handle & respond to the ever-growing concern of others who have an absence of empathy that I have particularly tried to focus on in this increasingly cold world -
- 1. Try not to take it personally: Remind yourself that it isn’t your fault - you aren’t responsible for other people's emotional reactions (or lack thereof). Lack of empathy on the other person’s part is often unintentional and may stem from their problems, traumas, or experiences.
- 2. Establish boundaries: If the other person responds in a cruel or hurtful way, make it clear that the behaviour is unacceptable. Explain that if they cannot be supportive, theyshould refrain from commenting or remove themselves from the situation.
- 3.Nurture relationships with other people: Social support is critical to psychological well-being, so work on building healthy relationships with people who do have empathy.
- 4. Don’t seek emotional validation from that person: It’s important to feel seen, heard, and understood, but you’re never going to get those things from a person who lacks empathy. Instead, practice self-acceptance and find people who will validate your emotions without criticising or minimising what you are feeling.
- 5. Don’t expect them to change: People can build their empathetic skills, but you shouldn’t task yourself with making the other person change or waiting around for those things to happen. Instead, be supportive if they are making an effort, but don’t allow yourself to become responsible for 'fixing' them.
- 6. Walk away if necessary: If a close relationship with a person who lacks empathy is causing you pain and distress, it’s important to assess whether the relationship is worth keeping. If the connection is unhealthy and not suitable for your well-being, it might be time to consider ending it.
'It's all about the illusion of control.
People who are healthy like to believe they can always keep being healthy if they do the right things.
They don't want to think about how good people get stuck with terrible circumstances for no reason.
So they keep assuming that if they get sick, they could do something to make it better.
And if you're still sick, that must mean you've done something wrong or not enough.'
Hit the nail on the head. I could not have said it better myself. An absolutely awful (yet currently-accepted) outlook. It's about time for some in society to have an attitude adjustment.
Such a revealing article also makes a point of not letting other people's lack of empathy curtail your ability to connect with other people's emotions.
Out of your control, there will be some people who won't show care and concern for you (begging them to won't curb their 'tude either) or for the plight of others who might be suffering outside of those who can offer something in return even while under the most tragic of circumstances & it has nothing to do with who you are nor what you are going through. Ultimately, it is about them & sometimes the (metaphorical) horse just won't drink any of the water you have led them to in the vain quest for them to gain enlightenment & consideration.
Upon realising that no matter what you are going through, whether it be a serious health episode that has tragically upended your entire life indefinitely from the moment you (simply) open your eyes for the day & has then left you clinging onto some form of life no longer relatable to your peers or a sudden vast loss to your quality of life, there will undoubtedly be harsh judgement & critique, there will be people who think they grasp your chronic (+ incredibly complex) condition even better than you, assuming everything must be all your fault & you 'just' need to change your mindset + ways. Unfortunately, there will also be those in our current society who think that they would do far better than you at handling the distressing situation (because it's just so 'straightforward & simple' to accurately grasp something as intricate & life-destroying as multiple brain injuries causing extreme loss & grief in all aspects of your life while in one's otherwise-peak 20s/30s #thenerveandarrogance #sarcasm).
Additionally, if you do continue to be unwell, then it currently tends to be considered that you must have not tried hard enough to fix the issue (which itself may also be downplayed) or even have done something directly wrong regardless of the actual medical diagnoses received. This no doubt sounds all-too-familiar to those who have been seriously sick during a time in the life they - just like their peers all around them - were meant to so gloriously shine.
Above: Empathy - Patrick Star gets it
In today's current climate, society has led us to believe that it must be all our fault when it comes to mental health and the almighty brain, in particular. Imagine having to deal with that sort of atrocities & ignorance during such extreme inner turmoil (a chronic condition such as a serious stroke/brain injury, but also alarmingly, poverty too) & unimaginable loss + ongoing hardship which extent is unfathomable to the majority of your peers. Acknowledging this benighted-yet-distinct habit by our present society is half the battle so let's offer to lift those - who are courageously clinging to life & living in a complex state of confusing limbo - back up, while actively trying to be a better person in the meantime & ensuring to keep in mind that those who are seriously unwell are actually doing the best job they can. It's not a time to judge or blame nor patronise but rather an opportunity to help, understand and grow as a person yourself.
One of the most effective ways to understand how empathy works is to be shown examples of it in action -
Below: Based on a true story, Lion, is a particular film full of empathy and compassion with a little Aussie influence too for good measure.
"No one can afford to disregard compassion, affection, and so on. Why? Because kindness and compassion are the main qualities necessary in life. A good mind, enriched by love and compassion, is essential for human beings."
- His Holiness the Dalai Lama (below in his element) leading us to be better people.
Understanding the logic behind others' tendencies makes all the difference in how to help you handle it -
The simplified answer?! Credible psychological research suggests it comes down to one's own self-esteem whether they will show humility and release their ego to then express regret/apologise.
Such an informative article would have helped me out immensely in those early years post surviving stroke/s when I struggled with making sense of the poor treatment by certain people so I do hope other young stroke survivors find solace in the logical science behind the fight they may find themselves in amongst their social scene in the wake of such unfathomable hardship and loss.
Above: This reminder/affirmation is just as much for the brain injury survivor as it is for the community surrounding/supporting them.
Clever sorts, New York Times, have provided compelling insight into a valuable personality trait and how it is noticeably more prevalent in certain types of people as well as practical ways to help build your own resilience -
'The very earliest days of our lives, and our closest relationships, can offer clues about how we cope with adversity.'
Adversity, much like death & taxes, is inevitable in life but how we handle it has shown to be what makes all the difference.
Reflecting, my particular resilience that has come in quite handy during such extreme struggle post two serious strokes & yet still hanging in there stems from an enriching childhood spent riding horses with the fam where failure was part & parcel of our days & humility was required at every corner. If you did fall off your horse (which I did more times than I can count, something that is drilled into us early on as a true sign of learning & perfecting the fine art of horse riding) & having to swiftly bounce back up in the saddle to then endure the rest of the trail out (10 minutes or another two hours, you just had to 'ride it out') was the expectation, even with tears streaming down your face & a bruised body (+ ego) in tow for the entirety (a vivid memory I have of falling off our horse, Billy, & landing like a bag of cement flat on my back on the hard, wet sand at just five years of age & then promptly being made to get back on the horse as we weren't near the stables despite feeling ever-so defeated - yet not injured - by the fall was just standard character building!). If you were still conscious (which fortunately I always was when in the saddle, the mind only became damaged when I was not doing an extreme sport, go figure!), it was expected you promptly picked yourself right back up & just got on with it like everyone else & also share in making a few self-deprecating jokes while you're at it.
The ultimate 'Aussie battler' way.
Above:
Resilience =
Getting back on the horse even though you know you could very well fail. Getting back on despite already failing before.
Striving for a new potential fully aware of the challenges that lay ahead.
All the while, being in control and holding the 'reins' of life (cheers to #1 Dad for being so accommodating - + also rather complementary in fashion choices - to the resilient little Kitty-Boss! Darling big bro and the ever-so-kind 'Lucifer' pony too!).
Slade Point, Australia
Back in the '80s
If we then failed at the horse ride that day, there were no altered/lowered expectations of our abilities the following day nor humiliation, shame or anger (although there were jokes galore if it was a funny fall to cheer you up about at least putting on an entertaining show for everyone else, to try see the funny side). Instead, it was always a fresh start & support at every corner with a motivational 'you can do it' attitude.
Weakness & vulnerability certainly were not part of my particular childhood & although I could never have been prepared for what suddenly was stripped from my precious mind & my young life as I woke one day from merely 26 years of age on (a considerable decade ago now), I know that my particular resilience gained from an enriching childhood brimming with such strong relationships with my loved ones (+ with the horses & foreign tourists too!) has been a huge factor in accepting what so tragically happened & maintaining a steadfast focus on my future with almighty hope. Essentially, particular life experiences helped in being able to embrace my tragedy as a stroke sufferer (with severe damage & loss inflicted) by swiftly getting 'back on the horse' of life & soldiering on to (eventually) reach my intended (+ desired) destination with immense inner growth that would've been missing without first experiencing such profound torment & struggle.
Giddy up!
Made tough -
By New York Times' Eliene Zimmerman
'Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems'
According to Zimmerman, highly resilient people share common traits:
↠ a strong moral compass
↠ accept what they cannot change & focus on what they can
↠ positive, realistic outlooks
↠ belief in a higher power
↠ have a concern for others
↠ find a meaning in life
↠ part of a support system
Furthermore, Zimmermann's extensive studies during the last 50 years (!!) also found that our personal relationships, particularly with our parents & the depth of such a bond, are said to be the one significant factor that impacts an individual's resilience in life & showcase how I have fortunately been able to withstand, adapt and fight back from extreme adversity, struggles & ongoing stress of life as a two-time young stroke survivor despite such persistent hardship, loss & restrictions over the past decade. Without a doubt, the resilience that was specifically required to fight through these tumultuous years as a two-time stroke sufferer was well developed during my unique childhood which has indeed offered effective coping strategies & I am eternally grateful for the Aussie-battler-style childhood + support network I have had since day dot that have been my sturdy anchor & guide through such treacherous, muddy waters.
A big thanks to Mum & Dad, you absolute goodies!
Below: The Five Pillars of Resilience -
purpose, mindfulness, relationships, self-care & self-awareness
"If you can cope today with all that’s happening in the world around you, then when you are on the other side of it, you’ll be stronger.”
- Steven M. Southwick, who was a Professor Emeritus of Psychiatry, PTSD and Resilience at Yale University School of Medicine + also co-author of the book, “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges”
= S.M.S. knew a thing or two about getting back on the horse!
Southy reckoned the most common tools amongst resilient people are:
*(realistic) optimism
Most of which I would have to agree with; focus on what I can change + improve on as well as accept what my life has become in the present time. In doing so, it has become easier to cope with difficult & confusing situations - that I so often have not been able to change the outcome no matter what (the sudden & constant lack of control I had in my life post strokes and had to endure for so many years unlike my peers has made for one painful journey) - so much easier to handle and accept. By keeping a steadfast focus this past decade as a stroke survivor on various goals (even if they seem so incredibly simple and somewhat amusing to others my own age), I have helped give my particular life its purpose again despite such goals being so utterly minor to what I had achieved prior to strokes and what my peers are continually attaining with minimal hassle all around me.
At the end of the day, what has been the dominant push forward in my life has been the belief and support of my family and mates.
Who knows where I'd be without their encouragement & I hope fellow stroke survivors are given the same consideration & respect. From the bottom of my heart, I thank the genuine, consistent & ever-so-thoughtful souls for being a part of this extensive plight & who have so kindly helped in bringing life, purpose + joy back into my life despite having absolutely nothing in it for them. True-blue treasures!
'Resilient & mentally-strong athletes aren't those who have ducked and weaved & avoided adversity but rather they've faced it head on. '
Through this gruelling decade of torment, tremendous loss & agonising restrictions that the vast majority of my peers have never had to suffer, I've found gratitude isn't necessarily about always giving thanks nor proclaiming how good your life is/is getting/is in comparison to before.
In reality, gratitude can even strike when you are (finally) able to do something so often & with such ease and familiarity that you can actually forget (momentarily) to even be appreciative of it. Such as the moment I was eventually able to (simply) catch a flight all by myself again (with many printed pieces of assistance & constant phone reminders/guides + Mother Duck & my little sister sitting by the phone in case of an emergency/urgent help) a considerable 18 months after the second stroke which in comparison, was accomplished a mere week after the first brain attack or when I was finally capable of going to a grocery store without a chaperone (years later) & not forget my bank card's pin upon making a basic purchase. Admittedly, the glorious day I successfully made my own way home after school post Stroke 2 without anybody's assistance but with the convenient aid of technology (many, many years later) was a mighty big deal that I previously hadn't even considered to be a possible challenge in my day-to-day life before the second brain attack.
In retrospect, these were such momentous occasions that I tragically lost for years (otherwise standard human abilities other people my age would snigger at for being such a basic task to constantly struggle with, almost inconceivable from 'just' waking up one day like 'this') & am now so elated to finally have them back in my (reinstated) responsible & capable hands. Independence feels ever-so incredible, do savour your own brain's exquisite abilities today!
This too shall (eventually) pass. In the meantime, let's celebrate the superstars in my corner while we all enjoy making jokes about my bloody strokes.
Below: When the going gets tough, are you like a carrot, egg or coffee bean?
Above: Despite all being faced with the same adversity once put in boiling hot water, the carrot, egg and coffee bean's reactions all differ from one another.
The carrot turns to mush, the egg grows hard with a skin but the coffee bean evolves & becomes greater having experienced such extreme hardship.
Well call me 'Kitty-Koffee Bean' because the strokes have only churned out a mighty rich flavour (with a lingering buzz) in their wake! Be like a cup of Joe & brew the valuable substance out of your life.
Above: Do you want to play this 'brainy' board game with me? I'll 'let' you win!
The ultimate 'mind game' for this Dory - 'Memory Match'.
Games like these were seriously the kind of humbling brain rerouting activities I did in my 20s while in rehabilitation - several sessions a week for years - post second stroke (& luckily I enjoyed doing such otherwise-basic tests with the kind OTs & speechies, for the most part).
Taking any opportunity to make fun of oneself =
Resilience, humility & humour all tied into one.
Below: Pressing reminder required, even if it is a trashy reality TV show quote
Above: Helping a sister out in memory's absence about such an (otherwise) momentous occasion that needed (<<operative word) to be revisited. That's invaluable support right there.
We've got to be like an elephant and (try to) hold on tight to life's happy memories. Bloody beautiful.
September 2022
Perspective interpreted as one's particular mind stance -
Above: The Minds Journal offering some intriguing brain analysis using a kitty kat stepping on stairs. Such brain buffs reckon I'm an optimist after all. Maybe that's why I always want an afterparty regardless of an otherwise-dwindling vibe!
Below: The broad range of potential + so-often-debilitating effects of a stroke:
Psychological, physical, social & occupational factors -
Know the signs; BE FAST (see below).
You never know when you may need to be a switched-on stroke hero.
By focusing on what a stroke survivor can do, they are then able to shine away -
Above: Thanks to Australia's NDIS and helpful supporter, Mr Lee Brown, a My Pathway facility has generously converted a shed into Barry's special art space which gets him up early every morning so he can venture straight to and express himself. So lovely!
"I don't know how I ended up like this. I get upset sometimes. I was a free man.
But [when I started painting again] it helped with my memory, remembering how to draw the birds and the serpents.
When I was in Townsville, in hospital, I wanted to do paintings. I didn't know a lot of things, I'd forgotten,"
Aussie battler, Mr Johnny, reflecting on how art has played a particularly positive role in his life as one of his retained strengths post stroke and its cruel effects.
Mr Johnny's support worker, Lee Brown, also shared the beneficial impact art has had on Mr Johnny -
"He [Barry Johnny] wasn't mixing with his community. He just stayed home. It was his safe place.
At each session, Barry brings in a different painting so they can talk about it. These sessions are really making a difference. Barry loves talking about all his paintings...
Talking about what colour combinations go together & about all the shapes & techniques he uses helps with repairing the connections in his brain damaged by the stroke,"
A+ supporter, Mr Brown, further explained.
"Now Barry's starting to remember more about his country and community, we can see he's so much happier.."
Keep painting, keep chatting, keep thriving & keep rerouting the almighty brain, spectacular stroke survivor, Mr Johnny, and continue to support + think of life from another perspective, you exceptional human, Brownie!
Time is quite the intriguing concept (to say the least!).
You never really think about the gift of almighty time until it is almost taken away from you. Prior to strokes, I was always planning for the bright future ahead & like my fellow peers, was in control of my life plus its direction with so much to do until suddenly my future & all I had envisioned as well as set up were all brutally gone.
As I simply went to sleep in London's Clapham that seemingly-typical October night in 2012, I had absolutely no idea that I was merely hours away from waking up to an inconceivable & chilling world I did not know, a mind that was severely tormented, confused + ever-so-broken & a young life that was hanging by a thread with the most devastating of loss & struggles in all facets that I'm still reeling from a whole decade on.
Before my second stroke, I was living under the illusion of control in which I - much like those around me also in their youthful prime - thrived with choices & freedom with everything sorted in my life's trajectory, both personally & professionally, until one day it instantaneously disappeared.
Cruelly, there was no gradual loss or smooth transition nor were there any choices in the matter; it was an immediate & fierce push into a hell I could not escape no matter how hard I desperately tried to reclaim a life worth living.
From 'just' waking one otherwise-typical day at 26 years of age, everything was suddenly ruined in my life's earned trajectory, all I had previously accomplished as well as planned & I was essentially alone in such full-time chaos & angst. Life had become worse than the scariest of nightmares (& I thought I was actually in one for many months the brain injury was so severe) for I could never conceptualise this utter agony happening in real life before it actually did, I even still struggle to comprehend what shit has gone down despite it being my life for over a decade now.
To survive wasn't the end of the formidable fight for I was then forced to suffer indefinitely as a two-time young stroke survivor with considerable damage & struggles that violently hit overnight, unavoidably being stuck in a life with such minor progression reminiscent of someone at the end of their road despite the years of unbridled dedication to try reclaim a purposeful life that have since ticked by.
Previously, I (like a typical young adult) was never worried about running out of time, of wasting my life, of missing out on what the vast majority of others my age were constantly experiencing all around me nor of most likely dying in the foreseeable future.
Like most in their mid-20s, no such concerning thoughts had crossed my mind prior to the vicious brain attacks & yet, after surviving (albeit barely living whilst stuck in terrifying limbo for years post) Stroke 2.0 - and as a direct result residing in an incredibly restricted & extreme form of hell ever since - has meant I've had to essentially live in the moment + focus on the now (even when it hasn't been much to celebrate nor enjoy) with absolutely no promise of the future or any of its endeavours in order to keep a realistic headspace, reduce bitter disappointment & continue to soldier on when life seems to just not want me to.
Regardless of how I have been forced to live my life since my otherwise-prime 20s, so long as I'm still living, time continues to pass me by so it really is about accepting who I am now & celebrating it no matter how challenging and morbid it may get.
Let's!
'Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that is why it is called the present.'
- American diplomat, activist and longest-serving First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt
As I try to embrace with conscious effort both the good times with all the bad during this left-of-centre & ever-growing journey, I feel eternally grateful for the supportive souls that have stuck by my side, consistently making me still feel valued & considered irrespective of what my life has entailed + showing such wise empathy & compassion for what I have so cruelly lost in my youthful years. For fellow stroke survivors, I truly hope they have such an encouraging support network in their corner as that's what has made all the difference in continuing to soldier on these past 10 years (!!) in the wake of surviving (/trying to survive) something as shocking & devastatingly detrimental as stroke. Reflecting on this past decade as a dual stroke sufferer, I'm also appreciative of the unique struggles, burdens & road blocks that I (& #1 PA, darling Mother Duckie) have particularly experienced for it all contributes to overcoming extreme adversity I never thought was possible with tremendous inner growth, strength and substance gained. Plus, jokes (at my expense) galore!
Do have a (stroke-smart) cheers to a whopping decade STROKE FREE for this Kitty!
Avert your 'ears'! -
TV's Barney Stinson (from comedy series, How I Met Your Mother) was well aware of the strong human reaction to some particularly unnerving words that have shown to repel us when he made a squeamish play with him simply reciting the one word (moist) on a continuous loop. Ah the disgust!
If only Barney knew there are other words under the offensive 'word aversion' umbrella he could have also used that make us human beings feel icky, including stroke (<<apologies for all the times I've made you squirm reading this blog!), vomit, crevice and phlegm to name just a few.
Let's instead end on some classic Aussie lingo that are all so enjoyable to say + hear;
hoo roo, you bloody drongos!
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