Below: Otherwise-mundane hospital notes were written basically as a reassurance measure that I actually was still alive and the days + their various happenings were in fact occurring given my short-term memory was initially reset within just mere seconds so I was utterly frightened about whether I had actually lived such moments in retrospect, especially when people would then tell me I had or a health care worker would come see me on their daily rounds, being all familiar with me when I didn't have the faintest idea who the vast majority of them were every single time they visited (the special ones who managed to be lodged in the end were suitably chuffed to be considered VIPs to the broken brain as that meant they were making a lasting impression and thus, doing a good job caring for me, we looked at the positives!).
The simple handwritten notes may look pretty standard (if you can even read them! You have to be either a seasoned teacher or a professional in the medical field - being used to the renowned messy scribbles by doctors - to have such an ability!), but they helped immensely in soothing my intense anxiety when I was utterly frightened, thinking I was about to die (statistically speaking, I should have, but I didn't know the technical fatality-from-a-stroke likelihood at the time, I just had zero confidence in my broken brain and body getting through another ghastly brain injury), even presuming I was actually dead or in a coma (a bizarre & incredibly morbid state of mind that ate me up for many months and frightened those around me trying to make sense of the 'new' version of this Special K).
Alarmingly, nothing felt real in the slightest and I had become quite juvenile in my priorities (i.e.: 'Where's my Mummy?'; 'can I please have some more chocolate?'; 'can someone hug me please and tell me everything is going to be okay?').
Also, given I was on a decent dose of steroids (not the muscle-gaining variety unfortunately ) to help ensure no further strokes would strike (the brain damage inflicted was done, nothing could be done to fix that and its extreme effects were right in my face from the very beginning, instantly ruining my independent, flourishing life, surviving it was not necessarily a relief), there was no fixing the chunks of dead brain like you can with other health debacles.
It was even frightening to look at photos taken of myself during the hospital days when my face was so swollen with fluid as a side-effect to the particular steroids I was on (to avoid a third stroke/death) and my appearance didn't even look like what I knew it to normally look like. Fortunately, all my kind supporters never teased my fat face and some even paid compliments to technically losing weight according to the medical chart.
Kitty Kat Diary Entry
Monday 12 November 2012
(Two weeks since the second stroke had struck all the while spent suffering in a frightening limbo world while at hospital, on the verge of death, thinking I was already dead)
8:45 am
Cornflakes
Nurse with keys is so annoying!!
9:15 am
Lying shows intelligence
12:15 pm
Fish & veges - gooooood
Where's dessert?
2 pm
'Hi Katrina, I have come to see you but you are fast asleep. The OT & I have woken you up. We talked about Australia.'
--
Although definitely evident, the extent my reality was warped in those initial months, especially in eery hospital with various other neurology patients also suffering from mental health woes and a smorgasbord of strangers constantly wandering around our locked ward (and a lovely instant example of my sensitivity to repetitive acoustics such as the everyday sound of keys hitting each other as someone walked with them in their hand drove me absolutely up the wall).
On top of other patients (whom I befriended/tried to befriend), I also interacted with the kind mental health nurses, OTs, speechies, orderlies, caterers and even occasionally the delicate geniuses aka neurologists who would pop in every so often for chats (not nearly as doting as Nurse Gilly though!). It was quite the social affair which I fortunately appreciated for company soothed the anxiety and confusion. Plus, as you can see above in the OT's note, they understood what I required of them (leaving notes of what we did so I didn't feel like I was dead too much + to try lodge the information from my days through constant reading back otherwise it was all lost within milliseconds) and I even remembered some of them (including the lovely OT. Her name was Loren, such a patient and kind soul!) despite forgetting most people I interacted with in those dark days, so I'm sure it was a rewarding experience for them to know they left a lasting impression on someone who had suddenly lost their vital hippocampus, the brain's memory reception.
Without a doubt, mental health is paramount to us all and yet it is still so incredibly misunderstood and too often overlooked. If you break a bone, others eagerly sign the cast and swiftly reach out to you for suffering such horrific (physical) pain, if you choose to temporarily lose your hair, people throw money at you and if you have a scar on your arm from a drunken misadventure, it will largely be considered as 'sexy af', but if you tell people your brain is damaged (& according to the statistics, you most likely won't see past 5 years if such brain damage was caused by stroke, in particular) and/or you are mentally unwell, they will undoubtedly avoid you, make excuses as to why it is all your fault and blatantly refuse to support you the way you ought to be when so seriously iill or at the very least, mock your struggle with an empty remark about caring about your well-being (stroke is the largest cause of adult disability + second biggest killer worldwide, only after heart disease).
Currently, society seems to be understanding of any other body organ breaking down BUT the almighty brain and that precise ignorance (of our most sophisticated organ that makes human beings the most superior living species of the animal kingdom) has created an unwelcoming world which presently fails to understand the facets and complexities of mental health in any real depth. At current day, considerably more attention & compassion tends to be given to health issues far less concerning and severe as life-changing, life-ending stroke.
As some of you good eggs already know, it is one of the main reasons I decided to create a brain blog about the aftermath of surviving two catastrophic acquired brain injuries (that struck at the ripe young age of 26) within just months into this heartbreaking journey (when my future was uncertain, death most likely, life constantly confusing, challenging + lacking) & it is also why my supportive younger sister and I did a TEDx Talk together in 2015 about my strokes and our inside jokes about the journey as well as our general campaigning to bring more attention to the crucial understanding that people who have bran injuries, those who are suffering every single moment due to dead chunks of brain as well as a myriad of mental health woes, are very much still here, still shining and still worthy as ever, despite the lingering effects (direct and indirect) that can be caused by stroke.
Admittedly, my young life has been full of such despairing uncertainty + unavoidable loss & restrictions since 2012 and I continue to really don't know what the future has entailed for me (if anything) but I shall still push on and trust there will eventually be a way to rise above such awful tragedy and loss all the while with the devoted full-time souls by my side who do believe in this little Kitty Kat and still treat me as a worthy citizen of this world. Reflecting, I am well aware that not every person who experiences such extreme tragedy to their health and their life (both personally and professionally) over so many years receives such tremendous ongoing support and I am incredibly fortunate to have a plethora of extraordinary supporters helping me transform such unimaginable pain into newfound purpose with punny jokes at every corner.
Getting knocked down is a part of life, but how we get back up and go on is what is important.
'I get knocked down but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down'
- 90s Brit punk band Chumbawamba's words of wisdom or mayyyybe the profound thoughts of ancient Chinese philosopher, Confucius. We cannot be certain, both providers of vast wisdom.
Above: 'What matters most is how well you walk through the fire' - prolific writer, poet & activist, Charles Bukowski
Come on, Aussie, come on, come on! -
^^Miss MDR (below, beaming with pride as she holds her hard-earned medal) is truly an inspiration for us all #makeyourweaknessyourstrength.
YES! A 'bank'' that actually does care -
Below: How the most common form of stroke occurs -
Rerouting around the cerebral infractions with sheer tenacity and arduous routine -
A worrying article about the neural dangers that can be faced by those who play Aussie Rules, in particular, by The New York Times -
Australian Rules Football Confronts C.T.E.
Is it worth it? -
Having dear relatives who have experienced such destructive diseases of the mind in the aftermath of their particular NRL careers tells me this concern could very well be across all codes.
The range of causes of stroke is varied and can be quite complex, however, close to a significant 9 out of 10 strokes are caused by blood clots in the brain's blood vessels.
Blood clots (that may then travel to the brain, causing a brain attack) can happen as a result of a variety of serious health concerns that one may not even realise puts them at an increased risk of stroke -
In the scientific study above, it was found that the infections which cause inflammation throughout the body in the weeks and even months that follow can encourage blood clots to form, disrupting the usual flow of blood in the brain which increases one's risk of suffering a stroke.
Such a concerning link suggests one has triple the risk of having a stroke in the 30 days following an infection.
This abstract (although totally plausible) connection is of particularly deep interest to me as I did experience a dreadful kidney infection (assumed to be caused by a run-of-the-mill UTI as my body was so rundown after also having recently battled a nasty stomach bug #teacherlife) leading up to my first stroke and we still have yet to find a definite cause for my two life-threatening strokes (brainy neurologists have merely deduced one).
The thorough findings by reputable Harvard researchers make total sense and really bring it home that stroke can happen to anyone at any time.
Above: Our range of dedicated & ever-so-diligent organs are busy working in harmony with one another, day in, day out #bandoforgans
Grandma's sweet treat, the almighty Liquorice All-Sorts, was always eaten in moderation -
You betcha, reliable NHS studies have found regularly eating black liquorice (for over a fortnight consistently) can result in serious health concerns including high blood pressure and an irregular heart rhythm (arrhythmia).
Hopefully it isn't harmful needing a few Sambuca shots when out celebrating into the early hours!
A juicy German sausage may not be the worst (/'wurst') after all -
Vegetarians Might Have Higher Risk Of Stroke Than Meat Eaters, Study Says
Living with effects of stroke can mean having to accommodate your new normal -
+
We have got to keep fighting the good fight with tenacity and adaptation.
Below: Supporters-of-a-stroke-sufferer commandments
Be a genuine supporter -
“It is the key manifestation of the dominant attention-getting psychology in America.”
One possibly cannot know such complex & constant extreme suffering one experiences every moment of their days.
Plus, it is also shifting the focus back to themselves and away from someone who simply wants a moment to feel like they are being heard.
Stroke - in instances where appropriate medical assistance is not promptly administered (#timeisbrain) - is a little bit more (/a whole lot more) complicated than losing a job or having a virus for a week (<<both also happened to me the very same week I had my second stroke while suddenly on the brink of death).
An element of living as a young stroke survivor that I didn't realise would be so prevalent in the wake of such chaos, tragedy and extreme loss (but have since found it to be a common experience by my stroke survivor peers) is that there can be outsiders who tend to have their own ideal of how I should be handling my situation (irrespective of just how challenging, extreme and multifaceted as it is) and how much better they would be handling it if they were in my shoes.
Absolutely baffling.
This would not be even considered in other health conditions, the vast majority of those further down from stroke on the lists of fatality and disability rates, so why do serious matters of our vital mental health continue to be so poorly understood?
The above article explains the narcissistic tendency that is accepted by our current society as 'support'.
It is known as 'conversational narcissism' by socialists and it unfortunately has been present in some of my dealings with particular people who lack compassion and understanding of life that is unlike their own.
To help avoid using conversational narcissism, one needs to try having a benevolent approach and let the person experience the moment (a bloody stroke and all the extreme loss it has caused! It is not something as straightforward as a runny nose) and all the feelings (good + bad) associated (the people who have told me how I should be feeling about my life and its dire situation has been truly concerning as well as confusing & demoralising, although perhaps that was always their intention), as well as listen to others and acknowledge what they are going through, it is not to be downplayed or trivialised with a comparison.
Such is considered a 'shift response' and it is a more common reaction to those who are struggling than one may even realise.
Let's support each other instead.
Below are some examples of a conversation's shift response compared to a conversation's support response and how they differ. The first hypothetical response given shifts attention back to oneself and the second supports the other person’s remark -
Example number 1:
The shift response
Person A: I’m so busy right now.
Person B: Me, too. I’m totally overwhelmed.
The support response
Person A: I’m so busy right now.
Person B: Why? What do you have to get done?
Example number 2:
The shift response
Person A: I need new shoes.
Person B: Me, too. These things are falling apart.
The support response
Person A: I need new shoes.
Person B: Oh yeah? What kind are you thinking about?
Shift responses are a hallmark of conversational narcissism,
they help one turn the focus constantly back to themselves and it is something I have experienced time and time again since strokes from others naively presuming they're 'only' helping.
On the contrary, a support response encourages the other person to continue their story. It lets them know you’re actually listening and interested in hearing more. The perfect conversationalist at work!
'Instead of helping us better understand someone else’s experience, our own experiences can distort our perceptions of what the other person is saying or experiencing.'
- study author, Dr. Tania Singer
Having a particular interest with such a pattern in some of my dealings with others in recent years since becoming a two-time young stroke survivor and as a result, not as sure of myself as I once was (which intriguingly, makes some pounce at the opportunity to be critical of the vulnerable), I researched the fascinating neuroscience behind their intentions and it essentially is due to the brain's insula being connected to weaknesses of the mind including addiction, desires, cravings & neuropsychiatric disorders. Even more telling about the reactions and tendencies of some I have noticed and learned all about (while I myself have had to acknowledge on the regular the high likelihood of my own nearing fatality and also dealing with a range of ongoing obstacles + loss and complex difficulties in my life since strokes) is that the scientific reason comes down to how the insula takes information in & then it attempts to make it all relevan to one's own individual experiences.
That is considered 'normal' and perfectly acceptable (even commendable!) as it helps give context to what has happened (like oner kind soul who described to me - upon receiving my email describing the ordeal post Stroke 1 when I suddenly found myself with only 50% of my visual field actually being processed - had then put her hand up over one eye to try see what it would be like in my shoes. The kind of person who is one empathetic enigma and such a kind gesture also went straight into my long-term memory bank, fellow young stroke survivor, Em G!) but to compare what one person has gone through by downplaying or judging it with a lousy shift response (especially something as catastrophic & multifaceted as a complex brain injury and all its continued loss and complex struggles) is not actually helpful for the person wanting support in any way and can make some then feel even worse in some cases (which may be the ultimate intention of some dodgy 'shifters').
“The participants who were feeling good themselves assessed their partner's negative experiences as less severe than they actually were.
In contrast, those who had just had an unpleasant experience assessed their partner's good experience less positively.”
As you can identify yourself, the main concern with this sort of reaction/'support' is that instead of taking such an opportunity to more thoroughly understand what one is going through, perceptions are being distorted to fit prior experiences when such are not actually the same nor helpful in any way.
In short, our own egos destroy our perceptions of others, consequently hindering empathy and more likely than not, downplaying the situation regardless of what it actually entails. It may come as a surprise to you to learn that the particular treatment of some has been one of the biggest hurdles in my life as a young person living with the intricate effects and byproducts of two severe strokes that instantly took away my youthful independence, career, life progression and freedom.
Ultimately, how I am treated & considered by others means everything to me so to be confronted with such a harsh reality of such has been one of the greatest struggles in life after surviving and soldiering on post two ghastly brain attacks.
It may come as little surprise to you to discover that one's individual ego is what affects their perception of empathy.
As you possibly have very well noticed yourself, while assessing what others may be going through in their particular lives, we use our own personal feelings to determine how another individual should feel about what they are going through themselves.
A highly inaccurate and self-absorbed way to base a judgement on but nonetheless it is reassuring to know that it is ultimately down to human nature.
Merely talking about it and just how imprecise and at times, incredibly offensive & ignorant, such a harsh reaction can be with the concerning lack of understanding and empathy some display surely can help shift the communication's environment into a more supportive one.
This hasn't been more obvious to me than witnessing how some folk ignorantly react to my health's (& life's) ongoing, troubling situation and yet then there are others who are so utterly understanding & compassionate (even newfound friends have been kinder than some I had previously known for a decade or more), regardless of just how long I had known them beforehand or how genuine and deep I previously had considered our relationship.
As warped and misguided a portion of people can be when someone is simply needing support, it is rather relieving to discover there is a clear scientific reason behind their shocking ignorance. You know how reassuring almighty logic is!
'Let's say you and a friend are both laid off at the same time by the same company.
In that case, using your feelings as a measure of your friend's feelings may be fairly accurate because you're experiencing the same event.
But what if you're having a great day and you meet a friend who was just laid off?
Without knowing it, you might judge how your friend is feeling against your good mood.
She'll say, 'this is awful. I'm so worried that I feel sick to my stomach.'
You'd respond, 'don't worry, you'll be okay. I was laid off six years ago and everything turned out fine'.
- Celeste Headlee
Excerpted from We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter
'At the end of our call, she said, “Thank you for your advice. You’ve really helped me work some things out.”
The truth is, I hadn’t offered any advice. Most of what I said was a version of, “that sounds tough. I’m sorry this is happening to you.”
She didn’t need advice or stories from me. She just needed to be heard.'
One fascinating study found the more comfortable a person is feeling about themselves, the more they failed to empathise with another person's suffering.
Does this strike a chord with some of your own experiences in life as well?
Such a revealing finding is a rather familiar situation I've found myself in when dealing with particular people in the wake of my two life-hindering brain attacks and it no doubt rings a bell for others going through such ongoing extreme hardship too.
If someone's life is currently going well, they are more likely to regard you and your particular hardships as ruining it all for them.
Human bloody nature.
'The participants who were feeling good themselves assessed their partners’ negative experiences as less severe than they actually were.'
the enlightening study's author explaining a concerning aspect of experiencing a massive health scare and how others tend to react to it, which was quite a disturbing discovery to me as a two-time stroke survivor who spent years hanging onto life by a mere thread, still living in confronting limbo with continued loss and vast challenges at every corner, yet dealing with some harsh and cold critics/outsiders all the while.
It is somewhat reassuring to know that it is currently (<<operative word) a typical reaction by some to one who has a real struggle on their hands.
Let's be the change, it is toxic behaviour and certainly isn't helping anyone.
Below:
The New Yorker's Natalya Lobanova giving much-needed attention to a harmful & nasty attitude prevalent in our current society -
Below: Looks like old (Greek philosophical) mate, Plato, knows a little thing or two
Below: Unless one has had to extensively describe to various strangers (/medical professionals) what their 'devil's donuts' (aka '#2s' in the event you are not familiar with such a colourful metaphor) look like as part of their day-to-day dealings on top of various medical sorts knowing your every bowel movement (& any mates who happen to come by during such an invasive question) whilst your life was hanging in the balance with the grim odds certainly stacked against you, chances are you cannot relate to the extreme & dire situation I have lived day in, day out since 2012, from just 26 years of age on - and that's not even scratching the (invasion-of-privacy) surface of life living as a stroke survivor with no cause identified and the future uncertain.
At least you find out how well your digestion is tracking, never thought that'd be a main focal point post surviving two brain attacks!
It's okay to not be okay -
'...To compare the life-sapping melancholy of depression to normal sadness is like comparing a paper cut to an amputation'
Such a frank comparison between a sharp-yet-momentary sting on your finger that is then forgotten about within mere seconds with absolutely no lasting ramifications to actually losing the entire digit forevermore and the ongoing compensations needed to simply function on the daily is similar to how it can feel when someone tries to relate to the extreme gulfs of despair a young stroke survivor living with paralysing depression & ongoing serious hardship + obstacles & restrictions caused by the vast loss in the quality + the progression of their life in the wake of losing the majority of what had made their life worth living.
'Tell someone your thyroid’s not working and they’ll understand and happily wait for you to recover.
Tell them you’re depressed and they might think you’re weak, or lazy, or making it up.'
- Co-founder of the Professional Copywriters' Network in U.K., Ben Locker
Ultimately, you can never escape your mind. It is a constant fixture to one's day, even when you're sleeping (/trying to sleep).
Statistically speaking, depression and anxiety can happen to anyone and such concerning mind woes can take away your identity, your humour, your warmth, your drive, even your (so-called) friends.
While I appreciate the encouragement that can be given to those in such a troubling state to 'reach out', realistically it is just as much up to their family members & sincere mates to consistently consider and value them when struggling through life. It is not their fault they are depressed, it is not a choice, it is a far more complex disease.
Consider them. Include them. Embrace them.
'If you still attach stigma to people with mental illness, please remember two things. One, it could easily happen to you. And two, no one stigmatises their illness more than the people who suffer from it. Reach out to them.'
Personality characteristics + emotional functioning examined via one's perception of various (to-the-uneducated-eye) 'smudges' (as shown below) -
Below: The general misassumption that grief lessens in due course is portrayed in the diagram's journey in the top row.
Instead, it would be more precise to describe grief as life evolving around it with its own size stable and constant as shown in the bottom row's particular illustration.
With support, dedication and almighty time, our life post such extreme & longwinded devastation can continue to grow and blossom again, just look at this fighting little Kitty Kat!
DID YOU KNOW?
Initially surviving a substantial stroke - even if you're considered to be a young sufferer - isn't just six months of uncomfortable appointments and a bit of uncertainty.
Strokes can completely - and suddenly - take away a young sufferer's progression, profession, purpose, personality + prowess and more often than not, their previously-fruitful life too.
Absolutely everything.
Thanks largely to extensive medication, support, tenacity and mere luck, I have beaten the odds to survive this long after two massive brain attacks (that were not tended to swiftly nor appropriately when the 'fires in the brain' commenced their brutal onslaught despite my prompt + frantic pleas to fix what was happening to me especially after Stroke 2, such a vast delay directly caused significant neuronal loss that could have been avoided/minimal #outofmycontrol), albeit with an extremely restricted life trajectory ever since & still living in constant fear of yet another stroke with even further brain damage &/or a young death from such like the confronting stats so blatantly reflect.
After the recent - and unforeseen - death of Hollywood actor, Luke Perry, who died abruptly after he suffered a fatal brain attack at just 52, many people around the world finally became aware that stroke is serious no matter at what age -
Below:
In our small nation of Australia alone, young people are suffering from the BIGGEST cause of adult disability and the SECOND BIGGEST cause of death (only after heart disease #nothingelse) at an alarming rate.
Every single year, approximately 8 000 strokes strike people under retirement in Australia alone and there are over 100 000 young stroke survivors accumulated Down Under currently trying to rebuild their lives after such inexplicable trauma to their most sophisticated organ.
Stroke is not an 'old people' disease (a concerning one-in-four sufferers are under retirement age), it does not discriminate & the rate at which young people are suffering such awful devastation to their minds and their lives is continually increasing.
Being in the minority that does somehow go against the odds & survive past five years post attack/s is not necessarily going back to how/where you were before stroke or even anywhere close to such especially when it strikes vital parts of the brain like my catastrophic second stroke (there certainly are the more-fortunate survivors who experience strokes that are not as detrimental to the brain and then quickly revert back to their former capabilities and life but it isn't something to brag about as it can be hugely offensive and inconsiderate to those other stroke sufferers who have actually been dealt a worse blow to their minds and lives by being confronted with such harsh life-restricting + ongoing disability & loss - despite their unbridled dedication to rehab - or worse and most likely to be the result within the following five years, fatality).
Stroke is cruel, unforgiving and incredibly isolating to those survivors who do suffer from considerable brain damage and in such lobes of the brain vital for independence, work and play. Yes siree, even when stroke unexpectedly strikes in your youthful 20s and you seek medical help immediately.
Just look at this Kitty Kat desperately struggling every single moment of my days still almost a whole decade on (but with cheeky jokes at every corner, you're welcome!).
On top of the vast and often complex disabilities, obstacles, restrictions, exclusions and adaptations stroke can suddenly force on a survivor (and their dedicated network of noble + sincere supporters) indefinitely, the harsh life challenges suffered can be largely invisible to others but instantly annihilate any quality, freedom, purpose and joy a survivor has in their life.
Below: 'When everything is uncertain, everything that is important becomes clear'.
Too right.
Below: Even little cutie pies want to be like this forgetful feline; I've officially made it!
Kudos to them for being so creative & determined in their colourful fabrication.
Above: An EEG test was one of the more soothing of medical procedures after my particular strokes, such was almost as relaxing as Dr Angelo 'looking' for (/massaging) possible clots in my body's blood vessels (as they can be the cause of stroke).
A free head massage post brain attack = yet another positive a survivor may get to experience just like this adorable tot pretending to be a forgetful little goldfish needing urgent care!
Surviving a significant stroke can suddenly steal your identity, security and progression in life -
This would be absolutely soul destroying for a pianist to abruptly lose, one day you are you (with all you had triumphantly achieved in life thus far shining away), the next, you are all of a sudden a shell of your former self and such could very well be permanent.
Stroke can be a hideous never-ending nightmare of unfathomable proportions when your life's acquired strengths are instantly compromised and at times, even completely obliterated, with the end of such extreme + constant suffering unknown and not at all promised. Keep fighting the good fight, K.J..
Another form of hitting keys (& something I fortunately still hold onto after my two particular brain injuries much to the amazement of the young bewildered students I work with while at school who think it is such a superpower to touch-type so fast, très cute #streetcred) -
One of the many benefits of touch typing is that it is one of the 'handy' (<< get it?! #punintended) activities you can do which do challenges hand-dominance by encouraging both of the brain's hemispheres to be accessed simultaneously and to the same extent + also all the while performing differing tasks with both hands.
Basically you're one epic superhero showcasing your vast brain power when writing a run-of-the-mill work email! Who would have thought it?!
In most of our daily tasks, the majority of us tend to use our dominant hand (<<go figure!) whilst neglecting the non-dominant hand so touch typing - just like driving a car whilst changing gears, for example - is said to engage both of the brain's hemispheres which in turn can strengthen the brain's various connections and touch typing specifically hones in on the brain's language processing centres due to the repetitive nature of touch typing as well as our mind's visual and motor skills too + it can even improve one's memory.
Would you look at that?!
This wee brain blog is nobly helping improve my almighty mind, the cheeky little therapeutic thinker!
Despite a rather action-packed mental workout, we're all somewhat oblivious to just what advanced pathways our bustling brains are busy creating and strengthening whilst we're otherwise-simply clicking away on the keyboard.
Quality not quantity -
The results are in; being productive is down to regular breaks, specifically 17 minutes' rest every 52 working minutes. We need more 'breaks' than the gnarly surf has at GC's Kirra Beach!
Teachers know this all too well; thank goodness for all the engaging 'brain break' videos available on the Internet to use so we can complement & recharge those young plastic minds in the classroom.
Take a break, have a Kitty Kat!
A classic thinking requirement we undoubtedly have all witnessed/experienced -
It bloody helps! But WHY?!
Such a bemusing trait that you may have done yourself (but mostly done by dads, let's be real) when needing concentration while navigating your way around and it all boils down to the efficient human brain reducing 'cognitive load' in order to focus on the more pressing task at hand.
Whether you're merging into a busy lane or searching for the new trendy bakery's exact location, silence is the key!
An innovative scaffolding invention to help where it is incredibly beneficial -
Thanks to the clever mind of CEO + co-founder of Turkish non-profit company, Young Guru Academy (YGA), visually-impaired engineer, Kursat Ceylon (above far right, with his clever walking stick in action), technology is now being used to assist in easing the load for all while also making some look like skilled Batman villains with a fancy + advanced cane called WeWALK in the meantime.
An inspirational man of substance, drive and brilliant intellect, go get 'em!
What one may take for granted, another reacts with sheer ecstasy & gratitude -
"I act like a child when I am happy,"
explains Daniel Andrei aka YouTuber, Micul Gigant ('The Little Giant' - left) to car vlogger/driver, Andy Popsecu (right).
Two intriguing aspects of that honest remark would bring anyone to tears; the fact one has to explain such a pure and innocent form of expression and also the realisation that something others can experience every day & throughout their days is such a rare treat which excites another person to the extent they are so expressive and immensely appreciative.
Watch as tough-guy Andy succumbs to the raw emotions of providing a thrilling experience that gives The Little Giant such ecstatic joy.
Here's to living in the moment, thinking of others and embracing all the feels!
Above: A strong belief I particularly had long before strokes struck that was definitely confirmed when I lost everything which made me feel secure and appreciated.
A warm thank you to all those quality people who continue to value & consider this little Special K despite my particular shortcomings, it says more about you than I.
Here's to genuine people of substance!
You know I have a great appreciation for TED Talks, time to be enlightened -
Loving the third round of 'boom! shake shake shake the room!' is basic science.
Some other hypnotising song lyrics using repetition to their advantage include -
(^^ Quite the entertaining drinking-game song in itself due to its repetitive lyrics).
Captivating compositions -
It just wouldn't have the same pizzaz and allure if the song was simply called 'Pup' (the actual term for a 'baby shark') although I can see a smooth 'pooches' remix by Snoop Dogg being a guaranteed hit!
Such an unrelenting 'earworm' comes down to repetitive, basic & emotionally-charged words (such as baby, daddy, grandpa etc) that target the brain's emotion and reward systems.
Fascinatingly, it has also been found that music with a faster tempo particularly hones in on the brainstem and the brain's other ancient systems with the brilliant ability to help produce our feel-good neurotransmitter, dopamine.
Baby Shark is all just a cheeky mind game!
Above: Hypnosis-through-music to get what you want, sneaky advertising campaigns know this all too well.
Mugatu got Derek Zoolander good, relax go to it.
Music as a form of torture -
Some beats can be just like fingernails down a chalkboard. Nickelback, anyone?!
Unwind with the soothing acoustics of one acclaimed Hollywood (crass) 'poet' (who hides his particular stutter by using colourful profanity, my kind of lad!) -
Tranquillising and therapeutic!
Have you witnessed these nighttime ninjas yourself? -
A surprising 1 in 25 of us is susceptible to the fascinating phenomenon of the unconscious mind.
Above: A kind mate reminding me of a funny incident from the day before really is #friendshipsgoals to this Dory.
At least I'm still funny and entertaining after the brain attacks!
April 2020
As you may expect, a broad range of memory compensation techniques (like the one recently sent by a thoughtful mate, above) are still absolutely integral to my everyday life and have been proactively implemented from the very first day as a two-time stroke recipient. It also helps that my kind Mummy is a registered nurse with a Master's degree in Mental Health and over 50 years experience in the medical field, in particular (thank you, nurturing + knowledgeable RN Mother Duck!), so I truly have had the optimal environment + assistance with a diverse range of clever methods in place to support and enhance my young life and its continued endeavours post two ghastly strokes and their consequent damage & effects.
Even now, many years later, we still have to execute various strategies on the daily to simply ensure I can have a happy and comfortable life and I am grateful for all the PAs that consistently help me on my noble quest to retain and regain.
It certainly hasn't been a walk in the park to survive two strokes. Not even a walk in the park during a hailstorm. Life as a two-time young stroke survivor has been far more brutal, eerie & painful.
When you consider what my individual (intact) mind was capable of in terms of memory and spatial navigation, in particular, it was impressive, even renowned by others (one can brag about it now after they have so tragically lost it, of course), yet I didn't really think about it much at the time prior to the barbarous brain attacks and thus I, like so many of us, took my being's 'headquarters' (aka the almighty mind) for granted.
It has been an agonising + ongoing nightmare to lose one of my ultimate strengths.
While information or even just a typical daily task is at the fingertips for the vast majority of my peers with their intact 'thinking & being tank', I constantly have to (in vain) go on an elaborate quest tirelessly searching for the information required, rummaging through various 'dusty' alleys of my mind and requiring a range of reliable resources and even involving other people to help assist in simply moving forward through my days. While unrelenting and awfully discouraging to be dealt such a confronting blow day in, day out during life's otherwise-peak years, it too offers hope that my sheer perseverance - with the help of familiar routine + innovative tools - & also a bit of my cherished creativity in memory retention & spatial navigation hacks will ultimately win in the end.
Whoop, whoop!
Above: 100% accurate representation of this Special K's ways.
Unless you are memorable, which could be a wonderful compliment or on the other hand, could be a sly insult.
Brainy people talking about the complex mind on a thought-provoking podcast for your hungry noggin -
The reputable Aussie neuroscience podcast, A Grey Matter, with the clever Donna Lu as host, has stroke researcher and young stroke survivor, Lavinia Codd (who also had her stroke in the visual-processing occipital lobe ala my first stroke and then a second one in her small-yet-vital hippocampus too! #twins), discussing the many facets of stroke with firsthand knowledge of her particular experiences of the aftermath of surviving stroke at the ripe young age of 31 and the many obstacles she faced living with the effects of brain damage.
One of Codd's incredibly interesting stroke repercussions I discovered through her particular podcast was that she required scaffolding measures to be set in place when collecting her own children from kindergarten (Codd has said she would memorise what they were particularly wearing each day and use that as a recognition guide upon their reunion at day's end. Whatever works for you, I agree, do it).
In Codd's particular podcast, the brain's almighty hippocampus is discussed with special attention given to its crucial abilities in spatial memory (like me, Codd also can get lost easily! We need seeing-eye-dog-men please #strokesgettheblokes) + learning and we also discover that Codd is actually focusing her research on this fascinating part of the brain.
Yes, you go get 'em!
Like in my case, after vast medical testing and analysis, Codd learned she too technically did not have any predisposition to stroke and yet she is now also living with two harsh hits to our most advanced organ. Interestingly, Codd had her first stroke while out at an event as well, first experiencing a fierce headache before the lights began flashing and she became weak, all elements much like my first experience of a brain attack (stroke does not care what you had previously planned!). We truly are stroke-twinning!
Below: One of the positives to having memory loss (if I had a dollar for every time I've started a sentence with that remark! #alwayslookonthebrightsideoflife) is that people feel chuffed whenever I do remember them (& experience has shown I have no conscious choice in the retaining process!).
It can make them feel important + appreciated and it also helps to make me finally feel like a valued part of our society again.
(Stroke-smart, heart-smart) cheers to that!
Below: Chatting to a good mate before meeting up for dinner merely a few days before the second stroke suddenly struck - despite living with a barrage of effects - physical & mental - from the first stroke that obliterated the left hemisphere's occipital lobe just three months earlier, I had been able to get back to independent living post Stroke 1 (largely thanks to various technology such as the helpful little smart phone to assist in brain's absence).
Above: As you can see (quite clearly *read in jest*), I still was able to give a quick-witted punny response to a buddy (although not at all helpful in their quest to locate a bar called 'Dirty Dicks') who couldn't find our meeting spot for a curry catch-up (I had reclaimed independence, for the most part, within just weeks after the first stroke thanks mostly to technology's assistance and simple scaffolding measures throughout my daily life and its tasks, although I still am not at that basic level of independence now, close to 9 years after the catastrophic second stroke), even assisting them (I really was a very helpful friend^^) in locating the bar we were meeting up at!
Almost a decade on, I'm still trying to rebuild my life with still so much loss never regained in all its various aspects.
Realistically, it will never be where it used to be before the brain damage and not all of the effects (that very much remain present to this day, continuously trying to eat away at my will to live for what feels like my entire adult life now) have been directly caused by my particular strokes themselves nor their consequent brain damage either. The vast range of unrelenting byproducts of stroke continue to contribute in controlling my otherwise-young life - still, NINE long years on.
Such is the cold hard truth in my particular case as a two-time stroke survivor, there still is no magic medicine to suddenly rid one of brain damage like with other health troubles.
Approximately, one in six of us will have at least one stroke; that's like saying every person born in January and June will end up suffering at least one brain attack and a concerning 20% of those strike before retirement age.
At present, there are no public celebrations of survivors & how far they may have particularly come in their rehab journey (even if it just is being able to continue to exist, we are told to be grateful, adapt & move on, this is not the expectation of survivors of other diseases of the body) nor special months or even mere weeks dedicated to all the different parts of the brain each hit by stroke (like a broad range of diseases far less concerning than stroke get for various other organs each & every month), absolutely no dedicated national fundraiser campaigns supported by businesses and communities alike despite the vast disabilities (#leadingcauseofadultdisability) which can instantly end a young stroke survivor's once-fruitful-and-promising career progression and independence (there are still no spectacular surgeries nor magical medications to 'fix'/eradicate brain damage and its vast range of harsh effects like with other illnesses of other organs that are less-vital than the mind) - should they even survive like the mere 1/3 of stroke sufferers who do manage to make it past five years, to help make their life feel purpose and value again. Nothing. Absolutely nil.
To an extent, I understand that stroke and the cruel-yet-complex brain damage left in its wake is still so often a hidden + perplexing burden to most in society particularly when one has such life-hindering invisible injuries and ongoing extensive effects but surviving my two strokes at 26 was an incredibly small part of this wretched journey and an experience I did not find too difficult in itself; it is its devastating aftermath, the years upon years of constantly trying to regain and reclaim what was so suddenly and brutally lost, of being in disheartening limbo indefinitely with your life restricted and hanging by a thread for the most of your adult life, of some ignorantly judging, dismissing and/or avoiding you with them justifying it because it is (/has to be) all your fault and then also having to constantly deal with the intense feelings of being worthless, forgotten and inept as a result.
Thank goodness for the sincere supporters who have eagerly and consistently stood up (/jumped up!), sang out, 'I'm here', and actually meant it - and with side-splitting humour, of course!
Above: We've just got to hang in there, hopefully this too shall pass. Eventually.
The storm is fierce and unrelenting but The Sun will shine again.
Admittedly, I try say this to myself regularly (in order to get out the other side of such extreme mental anguish) as I live this torturous & restricted life as someone who is young yet not truly living a youthful life (whilst otherwise in their prime), merely being stuck in a limbo world for most of their adult years now.
If you ever want to give someone advice on hanging in there, Maya Angelou's above quote is far more constructive and motivating than 'you've just got the wrong attitude', 'it isn't even that bad' or 'there are people worse off than you' (<<all callous remarks I've been dealt during this complex & soul-destroying journey when I really just needed inclusion, support & jokes).
We need all the advanced scientific research we can get our hands on for one of the top (& most heartbreaking) causes of death -
When do you think was the last time you gave attention & acknowledgement to Alzheimer's disease and the extreme toll it actually has taken on our world?
It is far more detrimental - for all parties directly involved - than current society tends to care to admit.
For some exceptional souls, helping those suffering from Alzheimer's disease is their life's endeavour (you little beauties!) including clever Munich-born Ittner bros, Dr Arne Ittner & Professor Lars Ittner (above), who have claimed to be able to reverse the effects of memory loss in patients with Alzheimer's disease.
Imagine that. Watch this space, groundbreaking science could very well be with us soon.
Keep up the noble work, exceptional lads!
The current global pandemic hasn't been an equal experience for us all, consider how particularly confusing, isolating and taxing it can be on those already having to constantly suffer from debilitating diseases of the precious brain, for instant example -
COVID-19-restrictions-pro, Jason Van Genderen (below, far right), has so refreshingly been sharing videos of his particular life in lockdown with his mum, Hendrika (aka: 'Oma', below, right), who herself suffers from the crippling brain disorder, dementia, as their tight-knit family adjust to the constant changes, challenges and requirements during the COVID-19 restrictions Down Under.
As someone who lost the part of the brain so often lost first by Alzheimer's disease, I can attest to the utter confusion when one's familiar routine is changed and the importance of following a schedule, with a supportive environment a must!
Above: Thinking of life from another person's perspective and then nurturing their particular strengths + what is actually important to them (i.e.: routine, quality time & a little bit of chocolate) makes this fam simply marvellous.
They'll undoubtedly bring a tear to your eye when the young child expertly embraces their assistant role as shopkeeper with their on-point farewell to their darling Oma, 'have a good day, madam!'.
After the well-deserved success of the recent British television show, Old People's Home For 4 Year Olds, came the Aussie version and it is one of the most wholesome pieces of streaming you will see this year. Do add it to your viewing list -
What a grand idea & such a moving piece of telly, who's cutting onions again?!
Not everyone is lucky enough to have heroes around when stroke strikes -
After finding his mum crying and unable to speak properly, this clever kid swiftly organised for an ambulance to help.
Teachers also saving the day with their particular competence in stroke smarts -
Similar to my switched-on London workmates when Stroke 1 struck and they rushed me to hospital right in the middle of our end-of-school-year celebrations - priorities!
Be familiar with the most common signs of stroke, BE FAST (see below), you never know when you might need to use your own brain power to be a noble stroke hero for someone in a dire situation
Helpful & practical brain app, Memory Haven (home-screen image of it, below), was created by young Nigerian-Irish teens that particularly targets three of the issues experienced by those living with dementia; memory loss, recognition difficulties and also challenges with speech.
The clever ladies also ensured the ingenious app included reminders for medication as well as a handy photo album with tags to assist in identifying various important people in one's life which offers support with reassurance and familiarity.
In total, there are six simple features that make up the bright brain app - photo wallet, music playlist, reach out, face and voice recognition, memory game + health check (see above).
Just what the doctor ordered.
After my own particular experience with suddenly losing the brain's hippocampus (often the first to be destroyed by Alzheimer's disease), I can see how this kind of assistive app with its innovative features would be beneficial in helping to navigate through life in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.
Well done to these remarkable women who are giving back to others with such a considerate and worthwhile concept.
A special mention to the app's music feature with personalised playlists included as we have discovered through earlier Strokes Get The Blokes blog entries and various scientific research the profound & soothing influence such familiar beats have on a tender mind when dealing with the cruel effects of Alzheimer's disease, in particular.
Put on a little David Bowie and let's dance.
Above: Suddenly losing (/misplacing #itcouldverywellcomebacksoon #optimism #neuroplasticity) 50% of the brain's visual-processing occipital lobe (the left hemisphere's entire vision lobe) after the first stroke's decent onslaught meant I promptly needed (/wanted/attracted #strokesgettheblokes) a seeing-eye-dog manfriend to ever so kindly guide me around Europe in the weeks & months following such a massive loss to one of our leading senses.
'Needed' being the operative word.
They happily obliged, of course.
Stroke 2, which then killed the almighty hippocampus (less than three months after this happy moment), resulted in requiring far more assistance, scaffolding & nurturing than what was demanded after the initial strike to the brain.
Strokes Get The Blokes
One month post Stroke 1
Prague, Czech Republic
August 2012
For years upon years, I was not even able to ever be left alone for more than a few short pathetic minutes after suffering the second stroke.
Can you imagine what that is like to abruptly need extensive assistance 24/7 from just 26 years of age on after merely waking up one otherwise-typical morning off?
Suddenly, a range of people (some of whom I wasn't even all that familiar with) were continuously making various & often critical choices on my behalf. For the most part, I appreciated and understood the constant need for such, but at times it was utterly unbearable (given my youthful age + just how quickly my life drastically changed) and a few even got carried away with the vast control that had instantly been bestowed upon them (fortunately, this was not what I particularly experienced by my main PAs, kind and nurturing Mother Duck and little sister, Jack Attack, mind you, not every stroke survivor is as fortunate), treating me now like one without a voice or logic (when both have clearly been savoured from the two strokes' particular damage, especially the chit-chat!).
Even to this day with all of our civilisation's impressive advancements & sophistications, society continues to be rather perplexed about how exactly to treat a young stroke survivor who still has their almighty executive functioning fully intact and their usual personality shining away, but yet fails to simply find their own way back to the table they were seated at all evening a few metres away from the restroom after just a two-minute venture, for example. The vast complexities of the human brain are, well, mind blowing and the current treatment + neglect of those who suffer from life-hindering brain injuries definitely could do with far more consideration & respect than what is typically the norm.
Being told I had to immediately go move back in with my mum (who had only just managed to be free of her brood in the family home after close to 40 years of raising her many offspring) as I was so close to death and needing her 24-hour expert care (thank you so very much, RN Mother Duckie! The best in the biz) - when I was in my otherwise-prime mid-late 20s - forced to revert to a quiet & dull existence in a regional town I hadn't lived since my teen years on the other side/end of the world indefinitely, not doing much with my young life apart from sleeping, crying, eating endorphin-releasing chocolate (<<#medicine) and having regular, almost daily, (at times, confronting) rehab & specialist sessions (+ trying to merely survive when the alarming odds are so blatantly stacked against you making it past just a few years post a brain attack) was a harsh form of ongoing mental torture I never even thought was previously possible.
Basically, I was in a soul-destroying 'brain jail' - in solitary confinement so far away from my (/forgotten by) youthful peers for the most part - being made to do daily constant tasks (such as occupational therapy and speech and language therapy at regular rehab) while essentially living a limbo life indefinitely (nothing is promised to you after such severe brain injuries) in the desperate hope of regaining some form of independence (but not complete freedom, that isn't even on the horizon almost a whole decade on) and 'real' life progression.
Hard bloody yakka!
Essentially, what I had to keep in mind throughout such unimaginable hardship was that much like a ship, I wouldn't be one to sink because of the water that is simply all around me; my ultimate demise would instead be allowing the angry tidal waves of destruction into my almighty vessel.
To further use an ocean analogy to help paint a picture of what life can be like post such severe strokes, brain damage & loss, consider being on a little rowboat travelling (indefinitely) through a low pressure system. There was absolutely no way I could change what my life suddenly had become and all I had to suffer + continue to tragically lose over the following years (choices were instantly gone out the window at just 26 years of age when I woke with such a harsh second stroke wreaking absolute havoc in all facets of my life - & that of my dear Mummy and little sister, Jack Attack, being such noble carers dealing with the confronting fallout and constant struggles throughout - and such free will continued to be lost with every day battling through alienating & hostile limbo for years following the debilitating second brain attack), I 'just' had to ride it out. Unlike the vast majority of my peers all around me, my late twenties and early thirties too were perpetually spent engulfed in the most fierce of chaos, loss and torment, spiralling out of control as I desperately clung to some form of life worth living with such little reason to actually continue to live through such immense turmoil and unavoidable struggle.
Ultimately, what mattered most in those hellish moments of my young life as a two-time stroke sufferer wasn't the extent of the lethal (metaphorical) flames & smoke billowing all around me nor the severity of which I got burnt as a result, but rather just how determined I continued to soldier on through the blazing fire despite the alternative option that tried ever so hard to steal my joy, purpose and life away.
With sheer perseverance, the most genuine of support and punny dad jokes at every corner (<<you're welcome!), the tenacious Kitty-Phoenix has triumphantly risen from the two strokes' grim ashes when for years upon years I was grappled with my own mortality leering its ugly head right up in my face, now far more stronger a soul than ever before with one epic journey taken through the ferocious, unforgiving brain-fire that would make even J-Lo inspired by the suave moves that have been busted out #somanypunsintended.
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