Thursday 28 July 2016

Life Is Uncertain. Eat Dessert First

Are you a Netflix & Chill enthusiast?
If so, you will certainly appreciate executive producer, David Lynch's fascinating Netflix documentary about a woman's plight to live and grow in the aftermath of stroke.
shines a light on the personal evolution of Dutch-French filmmaker, Lotje Sodderland,
who suffered a haemorrhagic stroke in late 2011 at 34 years of age whilst also living in London
Sodderland's only stroke symptom was a pounding headache (ala Kitty Stroke 1 - others ought to take on board the subtleties of stroke + TIA symptoms that may be dismissed as an 'odd headache') that swiftly engulfed her otherwise seemingly healthy being and forced herself to stumble out onto the street where she desperately searched for help.
Admittedly, if it wasn't for the concerned colleagues in my company when my particular stroke (take one) struck (who took care of my confused, brain-aching self at our end-of-school-year celebrations and demanded I be seen immediately once at hospital in London's Richmond Upon Thames borough), I may also have done the same public plea =
Everybody needs to be stroke smart for themselves + also for the sake of others 
when Acting FAST (twofold) is ideal for the likelihood of survival + limited stroke effects.
As it currently stands,
= one may very well strike yourself or somebody else whilst in your presence. 

Sodderland's particular stroke affected her language + logic, yet she too has refused to let the brain's limitations define her

 Here's to fellow stroke survivor, Lotje Sodderland 
(below) and her uplifting post-stroke journey!
Fascinating-meets-creative stroke survivor, Lotje Sodderland, in the midst of a rather intriguing brain analysis that she fortunately recorded for others to better understand the extensive rehabilitation journey for some stroke survivors.
Given the strokes hit us both in the 21st Century, the advanced smart phone has been integral in rehabilitation.  Such a sophisticated and versatile device has also been cleverly embraced as a key survival tool for other stroke survivors with various innovative + helpful apps that cater for a range of purposes and assistance (due to dead brain's presence, in particular) in 2016

Stroke Rehabilitation = APP-daptation!


You'll inevitably be moved by Sodderland's incredible + positive attitude in 

My Beautiful Broken Brain 
where she reflects on now experiencing colours and sounds that she wasn't able to before (I hear you, stroke sister!), regarding the stroke rehabilitation journey as being
"too amazing to be normal".

Sodderland is an utter inspiration!

"I am different to who I was. 
I'm never going to be the same and in that discovery, I have become empowered"
- Young stroke survivor, Lotje Sodderland,
 who has also realised the surprising brain benefits of surviving a stroke despite the challenging effects from such severe cerebral carnage.

THANK YOU to the range of supportive mates who so eagerly shared this insightful documentary + engaged in refreshing chats about it and the often-forgotten journey some stroke survivors are forced upon


**Special mentions to -

Dear 'Zac Hanson' 
(above during her 2012 stroke supporter stint whilst at morbid hospital),
the invigorating pump of a buddy, who recently wrote a love e-letter (below) about triumphant stroke survivor, Sodderland.


+ also
Mr 'Judge Grinch',
the hubby of a former British colleague,
darling Binky (<<from the Twickenham school I taught at when strokes struck),
who too discussed such an intriguing documentary whilst in the midst of blood-thinning celebratory drinks when I was visiting UK earlier in the year.

- for their particular moving *+ long term memory!* perspective about strokes & their consequent brain damage (that can be inflicted as a result) and expressed such kind + refreshing words, comparing our two post-stroke journeys as incredible and alike, where they so warmly acknowledged our beautiful, albeit broken, brains + the tenacious, reflective and optimistic attitudes swiftly adopted

(including the use of technology in this newfound world, assisting where the brain currently cannot) during extreme (and long-winded) adversity while still in our youthful years. 
 
What a remarkable person Sodderland certainly is with her determined approach to stroke rehabilitation where the focus is not on what was lost,

but what has been gained + what could come.

Yes, GO you sensational stroke survivor! 
Please do yourself a favour and engross yourself in such refreshing perspective and undeniable empowerment.

"The brain is truly fascinating and much in the way that our brains are able to achieve total coherence
- finding enlightenment and fulfillment -
you will surely be moved and inspired by this journey of self-discovery."
- Executive producer of My Beautiful Broken Brain,

My Stroke Journey

Australia's Stroke Foundation
has thoughtfully created a helpful guide to map
Stroke Rehabilitation
- for survivors + their supporters and carers alike -
aimed for when stroke patients have been discharged from hospital and are
adapting to their newfound life living with an acquired brain injury in the 'real world'.  
explains what to expect in the wake of stroke -
it's the stroke survivor version of 'What To Expect When You're Expecting'!
Some hospitals and even therapy facilities are aware of such an innovative resource and implement the extensive guide into their programs.
Consistency and support are key.
Cheers to the wise souls of Down Under!

The supportive younger sister
(who now bosses myself around *because it is currently required and accepted <<'currently' being the operative word* - role reversal!),

Jack Attack (below right)
and I celebrating our joint efforts as a dynamic duo (<<your words) post our
2015 TEDx Talk (theme - Curiosity)
titled
Laughter Is The Best Medicine.
'They' do say that the funniest people are often the saddest once
and since 2012's thinking-tool-trauma,
we're so hilarious, it hurts
(...all of our/your stomach muscles)!
After a few years of confronting ole Stroke Rehabilitation where I honed in on the new + enlightening experiences through blogging (/educating + entertaining = no worries, dearest fans!),
the devoted little sister, Jacky (above right - presumably just after I had told her a clever joke)had taken her big sister out for a few (blood thinning, stroke smart) alcoholic beverages (<<sophisticated word choice to make you believe it was a sophisticated affair. It may/may not have been).
We were having our usual charismatic chats (<<that's what they always tell us!) at a bar (putting out the vibe, Dumb & Dumber/decent mate, KTG, style) when we struck up a conversation with a mate's partner who had read this very (funny) blog before meeting us so was keen to learn more about life as a young stroke survivor and how my supportive sister/PA complements the rehabilitation journey
- Special K + Jacky Jacky style!
Coincidentally,
 after hearing our unique & funny anecdotes mixed with our undeniable passion for stroke smarts 
(in particular, while we are in the midst of our social butterflying), 
we were then invited to share our intriguing story, newfound wisdom + commitment to stroke awareness and clever (+ contagious) wit through an upcoming 
'Curiosity' themed TEDx Talk (<<slightly different - although there are some similarities - to John Oliver's tantalising Todd Talks)

Despite some unforeseen 'technical difficulties' with the audio on the day that were then evident in the recorded version which made the quality (+ quantity) of our chat online lacking, our 
TEDx Talk was a sure fire hit with the invited guests to our live audience and our sincere supporters all around the world who watched online live on the day + it has since been noticed by
Australia's renowned
National Stroke Foundation
who acknowledged our passionate (and quirky!) campaigning for stroke smarts among the world's younger community by naming us
finalists (!!!!)
in their Australia-wide 2015
Stroke Awards
(and sending us the impressive award as we were celebrating my 30th birthday overseas during the official awards ceremony in Sydney
*that they even had framed, such sweethearts - thank you!*, below - it's certainly going straight to the 'Pool Room' - The Castle style!).

You beauty!
'Student Of The Week' eat your heart out!
Cheers to all who supported us and viewed the TEDx Talk 
(including 'streaming parties' with stroke smart bites *tomato with their croissant is
stroke smart, alright?!* that were held live by our superstar supporters)
 + read this little brain blog.
Your gained stroke smarts are our humble gift to you!

On the other side of the stroke survivor spectrum are the negatives (and there's many throes of stroke, let's not sugar coat it) to this journey. 

Obviously, I try not to focus on these (how fortunate I am to still have motivation, humour & higher order thinking on my side to encourage the renowned good vibes!), but (given I am human) occasionally I do reflect on my particular coping mechanisms, where I then become increasingly overwhelmed by the enormity and severity of my current health's sombre situation and subsequently then evaluate what I precisely want/need out of this hugely restricted, updated life (from just 26 years of age & on) and how I can realistically achieve such despite the (recently acquired) vast hindrances, challenges and loss. 

When your young life doesn't go the way you want/need it to (nor even remotely close to such) with all your plans, dreams and aspirations - professionally and personally - crushed as you wake one morning despite your particular devotion, dedication and promise, it is incredibly tempting (and understandable) to collapse into emotional chaos, a debilitating state of mind I am now rather familiar with. 


Handmade cards
from my thoughtful (and creative!) British students helped keep myself occupied during the lonely days/nights in hospital over the course of six weeks.
They were my saving grace and made myself incredibly chuffed about just how clever and sympathetic eight-year-old children can be.
Never underestimate the profound impact individualised pieces of support can make and the splendid joy, in particular, they can bring to someone who is so unwell.
*Did you also notice that the Australian flag's Southern Cross also seems to have accurately pointed stars which is not to be sneezed at?!
 Well done to the Twickenham tots!
St George's Hospital
London U.K.  

Mesmerising and thought-provoking old mate/award-winning broadcaster, Mr Louis Theroux, recently presented an intriguing mental health documentary on UK's BBC Two about the rehabilitation aspect of brain injuries - an element that the general public is often unaware of (I - the humble 2-year rehabilitation participant *basically equivalent to a prestigious Nobel Prize!* who has had countless conversations with various kinds of people who have been surprised that I did an extensive range of testing + rehabilitation programs regularly every single week for years post Stroke 2 - can also vouch for such).  You could say that the strokes themselves were a breeze for this ole Kitty Kat, in particular, to do; I calmly stood/laid there as they were striking (without anticipation for Stroke 1 - considered a strong possibility for recurrent strokes pre/post Stroke 2 - which caused debilitating anxiety I had never before experienced during my 26 years of life in mere anticipation after both acquired brain injuries for many years after the brain attacks), asking others for (<<not demanding) help (the concept of proactively & appropriately helping myself was not even on the table - take such on board, as you may find yourself becoming a stroke hero with seeking medical assistance in such a serious situation for a stroke sufferer) as the cherished brain was swiftly dying (in both instances). Yet the confronting + ongoing aftermath and the utter mess the two bouts of considerable brain damage have left in their wake showcase the distinct shift in my young life to that which is an intense, constant struggle (as if I'm an unwell, elderly person nearing death) + causing this young Laird lassie, a once passionately independent person in my (supposed) prime, to be constantly dependent on others (from 'simply' waking up one day with a rare undetected autoimmune disease lurking around my otherwise healthy being that subsequently caused massive strife in my youthful mind + life). 


Similar to the people interviewed by Theroux (in his mental health documentary A Different Brain) and stroke survivors the world over, during this longwinded, intense Stroke Rehabilitation journey during my prime years, I am often caught between the old and the new versions of myself where I understandably struggle to accept my updated + limited (so-called) life

Forgetful-yet-loving-&-optimisticDory, was such a sure-fire hit with audiences the world over in 2003's unforgettable Finding Nemo that she has recently been given her very own (hilarious) Hollywood movie!
Finding Dory is based around the unique life of fellow tropical North Queenslander, blue-tang fishDory, who is also missing the vital little seahorse of the mind - the brain-office's 'memory reception', hippocampus (as shown in deep inside the brain in the image, below). 


What's the true theme of the new film, Finding Dory
It certainly isn't about being a fish; it's (in my Special K opinion) about being different to others (which every single person should be able to relate with to some extent), having special needs and also how you work with your particular ailments - rather than hinder them and/or attempt to 'fix' oneself - in order to complement your ultimate strengths so that you make the most of what you have + accepting such, as well as shining a light on accepting others for what makes them unique and celebrating who they truly are.
Don't you reckon?! 
Deep (..blue ocean) film.
While she may initially come across as one witty carefree creature, D-Fish is a Pacific Regal Blue Tang with a distinct disability that means she forgets almost everything she learns + experiences instantaneously - a concerning disability even for a fish.
For anyone who has interacted with me over the past four years, that was precisely how I was (not who I was though!) at the start post Stroke 2 which struck in late 2012 and in some respects, still.
How we both have ensured to just keep swimming (see what I did there?!) is testament to our strong characters & I thank (with clever jokes!) all the genuine + consistent supporters who have surely celebrated who I essentially am (the insightful text message from a mate - 'you're still as funny as you were pre-strokie' - is divine + poetic support at its finest!) and lend a hand with extensive 'scaffolding' ('familiar belongings on door handles' is one unique, yet effective, tactic friends proactively do when I stay over at their unfamiliar homes so that I know which bedroom is mine after going to the bathroom in the middle of the night for a few tiny minutes where my mind's memory bank promptly resets *for example*. Supportive scaffolding superstars right there!) so that I too can now independently function within my spared/restored/newfound capabilities too. 
Dory's insightful parents used scaffolding through catchy rhymes ("when we see the undertow, we say, 'don't go!'") and helpful, clear guides (i.e.: shells laid purposely out on the seabed to serve as a path to guide Dory home, above) which assisted short-term-memory-&-spatial navigation-inept Dory when it was desperately needed.
Legends!
Simply being different to others is not something we should generally apologise for nor attempt to change (and Dory's supportive parents certainly aren't the type to discourage nor adjust her essential being either), but rather, embrace and showcase
and my spirit animal, Dory, + my Special K self are both proactively changing (+ encouraging) the conversation surrounding mental health.
Yes!
Here's to endearing retention-inept Dory - may there be many more memorably-forgetful (<<oxymoron!) movie characters just like her to come!
Fortunately (and obviously), we still each have a funny bone!
#justkeepswimming
Despite vast changes and indeed progress constantly happening (you advanced go-getter, Miss Plastic Mind!), the impact of stroke - rehabilitation - often seems (<<operative word!) eerily stagnate in nature (from my firsthand perspective - which I'm the first to admit is a similar concept to watching your own hair grow - a long + tedious occasion where you don't realise its true progressive extent until you compare such with hard evidence, like say, an old photograph *in the hair growth example* to show the definite mind advancements. Regular phone screenshots taken of results in brain retraining apps and official, extensive medical testing programs regularly done by doctors and therapists alike with results sent by email contribute to my small collection of 'concrete progress proof'! Thank you, clever 21st Century!) where it is quite difficult to hone in on, objectively reflecting and then progressing with the new-normal.  The BBC Two documentary, A Different Brain, is true investigative LT style that digs deep into the thinking tool topic, touching on various aspects of brain injuries that are often avoided by other journalists due to the raw and confronting nature. 

Who would even want to watch that?! Well....You, the delightful stroke smartie thoughtfully reading this little brain blog, surely would!

Theroux shines a light on several once-were-independent, young firecrackers who now require full-time care due to their brains' various woes. What seems to be the focus is how, despite severe brain injuries that have significantly impacted on the subjects' lives and the lives of the various supportive + sincere superstars in their corner, the effects of such damage are largely regarded as hidden disabilities and survivors unfortunately face an agonising 'rehabilitation road' ahead (i.e.: relearning how to walk, talk, eat, shower, work, learn, retain, analyse, interactnavigateexpress and behave scratches the surface of the strenuous rehab road for some) where they attempt to reconstruct + embrace their particular identity and (try) make a life worth living again.  Perhaps one of the most intriguing aspects of A Different Brain is receiving the perspective of the supporters (of the person with a brain injury) as they not only have to grieve over losing the former person to brain damage (which can be described as a similar sensation to mourning a death), but they also must embrace the updated (temporary or permanent) version of their loved one if they sincerely love and cherish them.

Truly remarkable viewing.

In U.K. alone, it is estimated that approximately 1 000 000 (yep - one million!) people
are living with the long-term effects of a brain injury and almost half of these are of prime working age like this Kitty Kat -
a vital period when we require all facets of our advanced mind to make and relish a successful life.
In his new captivating documentary, 'A Different Brain',
Louis Theroux (above right),

spends quality time with just a handful of these particular people living with various acquired brain injuries
(where it's acknowledged such could happen to anyone)
in order to better understand the endless issues they face during rehabilitation -
issues (concerning mobility, cognition, independence and personality changes + emotions and energy/vitatlity, for example) they did not necessarily cause directly, yet are often treated as such and can result in some people (not all - the sincere supporters who do 'hang around' will make you tear up! Such genuine beauties!) turning off the 'support switch'.
As you'd expect, people with brain injuries then tend to feel like inadequate versions of themselves and such overwhelming anxiety (as a direct consequent of losing so-called mates/supporters) is certainly investigated in A Different Brain.
A must-watch piece guaranteed to open your mind
(^^in a non-invasive manner!
No frightening
brain biopsy *nor free becoming haircut/buzz cut with gnarly hole in skull* required/given!).


Can you figure out which aspect of my brain's particular attributes I'm ever so grateful to have been spared (+ also what my sincere supporters still continue to appreciate by so considerately pointing out the 'rainbow' of my 'stormy day'/brain damage)?  

A forthright, honest personality.

Such has - without a doubt - assisted in soldiering on, making jokes at my own expense from get-go and welcoming fellow young sorts to step into this bleak, yet highly intriguing + sometimes even hilarious, world of the brain-damaged - that is otherwise typically hidden/invisible in our current society - as I showcase life (my way) as a young stroke survivor striving to live on.  However, being an honest + raw person (& all the funnies that have arisen), also comes with the negatives.  Initially, having a 'black and white' attitude towards my strokes (because it's medical and such is all facts + logic as medicine is straightforward, researched, technical science and maths, right?! Wrong) meant that I'd reach a certain set date which my experienced medical team (obviously a team is needed for this stellar stroke survivor!) or Registered Nurse of over 40 years (+ Master of Mental Health = she certainly knows her brains!), darling Mother Duck, would have previously given (that I'd demand as a somewhere over the rainbow focus) for when I'd be 'cured' (naturally, given emotional connection, I promptly retained such a precise date set in the future for I was always looking for the sunshine after the rain/every cloud has a silver lining, yet the current date (d.m.y) still isn't always accurate *I now finally again am able to retain the current year + month and what day of the week it is - that's definite + impressive progress from the initial year's confusion following Stroke 2 in late 2012 when the effects of brain damage were most evident and severe. This was more frightening than it may seem - for the stroke sufferer and even more so for the dear supporters. 2007?! 2010?! 2012 - Who knew?! Not I and I stressed this lack of awareness to anyone who would listen, it was just so bizarre to suddenly not know such common knowledge!*) & upon reaching such a (supposed) milestone, I would then be continually confronted with the bitterly cold realisations that -

*You're not yet rehabilitated to an acceptable level to be independent in society again (i.e.: you get told not to use any equipment + devices whilst alone, with a stern warning against driving + cooking without constant supervision, in particular, by your team of occupational and speech & language therapists, Registered Nurse MD + various doctors *squad goals* who seem to tell you more negatives than positives about your confronting rehabilitation path ahead because you've demanded they always be honest and respectful) and given the extended time you've now been gone, you cannot go back (no choice nor power in the matter) to your former job position (with darling + dream colleagues & students) that you worked with unbridled dedication to obtain (and previously maintain) in London's grand Richmond Upon Thames borough

*Life is going to carry on being dreadfully dull yet consistently challenging regardless of your (+ everyone else's) continuous efforts to improve and revitalise it


*You must (eventuallyacknowledge and accept the immense lack of power you have in this uphill journey as a stroke sufferer despite being in your (supposed) prime and doing all that you feasibly can to regain said power and with it, freedom & choicesYou cannot speed up the process nor rewind the clock - it's essentially just an excruciatingly long waiting game (with no promises for the future and a strong likelihood you will soon suffer further strokes/disabilities, with staggering 2/3 of stroke sufferers dying within five years), yet the most challenging experience of your life

*After a confusing start to rehabilitation (years of such at various rehab + hospital locations with several confronting + tiring sessions every week) and eventually becoming a functioning stroke survivor in society (hurrah!), you will come to a point of acceptance with certain situations that initially challenged and shook you to your core

*There will be people who are going to be ignorant, arrogant, inconsiderate, nasty, judgemental and close-minded towards you (even my/everyone's hero, dear Saint Roger Federer, has enemies!) and your rehabilitation journey no matter what you do (out of your control) - you will eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) have an enlightening moment of clarity where you realise such sorts lack strength and character (attributes your genuine supporters fortunately + continuously exude and pump out) - yet you will attempt to keep your wits about you, remaining sternly focused on what/who ultimately matters, positivity (i.e.: jokes + puns especially) + progress. This is your rehabilitation road


*The sore brain will never be the shining supernova it once was but you must accept this as your own experience (try to avoid comparing your unwell self to others - even if they too have had similar situations!) + accept what losing such now means for your future (directly and indirectly speaking) & its ultimate happiness and hone in on what's been savoured (you're here and you're sensational!) after the devastating fires in the brain (embrace the mind's occupational-therapy-like life as if it's medicine) - in your own time.

Being in that morbid state of mind for many years, when your young life doesn't go the way (/any way) you hoped nor planned despite all your active campaigning, commitment and passion can lead you down a path of making poor decisions and acting unwisely.  Don't I know it?! 

Fortunately, there can be light at the end of such a dark tunnel when you consider just how vastly we grow and progress into wise souls from extreme adversity and loss.

We ought to try keep this mind stance of refreshing ole hope and progress (in abilities +    qualities) even when life becomes uncertain in the foreground of our minds - in the frontal lobe (regarded as your brain's 'big boss', your almighty 'CEO', if you will, that regulates mood, personality and behaviour) to be precise!

According to old mate, Confucius (is it even a real blog post without clever Conny?!), we learn wisdom by three methods - first, by noble reflection, second, by easy imitation and third, by bitter experience. The unavoidable strokes and their consequent damage which hit my youthful, otherwise clean-bill-of-health self off my ledge, for six (yet not out!) and off guard, as such they were such bitter experiences which made my broken soul (+ those sincere sincere supporters' souls too) painfully ache for many years as I grasped the strokes' enormity and devastating  ever-going effects, have certainly offered vast opportunities to reflect and I am constantly being inspired and motivated by other strokes survivors + fellow people who have been severely unwell & experienced immense loss in their life for an extended period of time whilst in their otherwise prime and despite it all, have passionately soldiered on with newfound wisdom and perspective gained from such raw reflection of extreme challenge and loss showcasing what humbling beings are truly capable when pushed to the limit.

What I have gained is a glistening diamond in the rough! shining on Pink Floyd told us to, as well!

Experiencing such life-hindering tragedy, I and my devoted supporters (who selflessly live what I live) are now wise beyond our years. At times, I am truly flabbergasted at the sheer insight and perspective we've all acquired from such intense and long-winded loss that has also been (for everyone involved) an enlightening infusion of self-discovery, humour, patience, honesty, adaptation, prioritisation, perseverance, optimism and appreciation.
Perspective for the rainy day
- let's try to transform life's sad ole sinking raindrops into invigorating soul whisperers so we can fly high!

A fellow young stroke survivor, Katherine Wolf (pictured with her family, below), who suffered a stroke in 2008 which too almost killed her when she was also 26 years old presents her fascinating story in this compelling article by Huffington Post where she regards regaining her life after the stroke's devastating brain damage as a miracle.

I like your thinking, dear Kat-Wolf!

Here is an excerpt from Wolf's feature that has certainly hit home for me -
'My father-in-law, who is a pastor, graciously bore the brunt of my questions, most of which have been asked by all of humanity:
Why did this happen to me?
How will I go on?
How long does this recovery usually take?
His thoughts enlightened, challenged and motivated me, yet so many questions remained. 
Sometimes, the asking is more important than the answers because it reminds us that we still have a voice and we are not alone,
even in the midst of the great mysteries of our lives.'


Intriguing young stroke survivor,
Katherine Wolf,
with her supportive husband
and their adorable son

Like Wolf, I also asked various heavy-loaded questions after the striking of strokes and similar to KW, I too was not ready for the confronting answers initially (not that I realised this then), so my considerate support network (friends, family & Nurse Gilly + Co!) would cleverly avert such intense and frequent prying for the most part (absolutely awful questions about my mortality for the young mates to have to consider too), especially if I was in a vulnerable state (<<frequently so) which tended to be at night when I was tired (the effects of brain damage seem to put on a spectacular show when fatigue is present) and/or alone with my heavy, raw thoughts - many a Kitty-tear for them to so graciously wipe.  After losing major parts of what make you, you, it is incredibly soothing to have sincere supporters treat you like they normally would prior to stroke/s and answer all your morbid queries respectfully, considering you still as a worthy adult (just like yesteryear, before brain damage), so Wolf's raw reflection is spot on with needing to be reassured that you are still a valued human after a stroke and that you have decent supporters staying by your side regardless of what your mind & life have lost. While my strokes didn't affect my swallowing capabilities like that of Wolf after her acquired brain injury (known as Dysphagia), the constant longing to return to former (simple) capabilities stands true and being told by knowledgeable doctors a set date (initially, April Fool's Day 2013...which ended up being a no deal, the cruellest of April 1st pranks + still waiting over 3 years on in 2016's stagnate Limbo to be a fully operating being again, wah!) expected to be independent and considered a 'worthy' person in society again was my only glimmer of hope - to no longer be in this living Hell/Limbo. 

However, when we'd reach that exact time with no Nirvana in sight (which my damaged mind - that was essentially an advanced 'memory sieve' upon tragically losing its hippocampus - managed to retain from the get-go.  To better grasp this vital brain attribute, some suggest thinking of hippo-c as your mind's 'librarian' that processes all new information and instantaneously throws away the annoying 'advertisements' & unsuitable 'articles' that are considered not important, for example, while storing a keepsake of a 'front-page article' from your life's 'daily newspaper'. The good *and bad* stuff - that which the hippocampus deems storage-worthy *<<kind of like Seinfeld's 'spongeworthy' priorities!* - perhaps due to a strong emotional connection *memory and emotions are very closely related as I'm sure you have already realised with your own mind's memory retention tendencies*, are then transferred to various parts of the cortex for long-term storage. Information dubbed 'forgettable' - like a new phone number you’re repeating in your head until you’re able to type it into your phone or write it down on paper - may be held for a short time but is then quickly tossed from the mind's short term memory bank, hippocampus.  You need this sophisticated brain feature more than you may initially realise), it was almost worse to have such precise dates set as I would then be continually forced to acknowledge that not only did I still have these vast brain concerns and inabilities, but regaining the lost capabilities had proven to not be at the pace at which was to be expected (letting yourself down and not having any control to help avoid = the most intense anguish) and I'd be forced to continue just barely existing in the 'Limbo World' with absolutely no control on my part - of my own young life and its future.

Update:  It may please you to know that we now don't put dates on my brain's expected progress - it's just not productive in my particular case - the only dates I have are the other, more promising, fruitful kind with all the blokes constantly begging me for them! Strokes get the blokes at it again, you know how it is.


You sensational stroke smarties already know the mind's 'seahorse' is named hippocampus due to its seahorse-like shapebut what I have yet to tell you is that it is also called Cornu Ammonis which stands for 'Ammon's Horn' (of course). 
When looking at the brain from a bird's eye viewthe two hippocampi bend around to resemble the horns of a ram
- Ammon's Horn (see brain diagram, below) to be precise!

You learn something new every day
(I haven't been able to confidently say that for years! YES)!
You're probably wondering how I managed to be struck with a second stroke in such an insignificant location (physically speaking) deep within the brain (minute mind memory mate, hippocampus - above), yet leave the rest (bar left hemisphere's occipital lobe which too also perished - just three months prior to its little seahorse buddy) in complete working order.
This is one of the most intriguing + magical aspects of strokes and our minds -
despite their aggressive manner with swiftly killing valued brain cells and thus, a range of advanced attributes that contribute to a human being, strokes can be awfully considerate to 'let' the other parts of the brain continue to function and even thrive post damage!
Credible research (+ my bi-brain-damaged-self who is still kicking goals as a prime example for you to make sense of it all) has proven other (pristine) lobes of the mind tend to compensate (as best as they can given encouragement + timefor cerebral infarctions and the loss of one's attributes and capabilities after a brain injury so that such a drastic loss is not necessarily the permanent case for a stroke survivor. 
You certainly know all about how/why magical Neuroplasticity works by now, dear Kitty Kat Blog Enthusiasts!
Human beings = A+ grey matter!
Cherish and complement your mind's vital 'seahorse'
(highlighted yellow in the brain, above
today with some
Sudoku, puzzles, map reading and even a little jig!
You'll be generating new neurons according to some wise ones.
Do you recall how impressive the brain's spatial navigation guru, hippocampus, is of London's world-renowned taxi drivers that has been shared in previous SGTB blog entries?!
Their brains certainly aren't 'in the pool' like little (<<ha!) George Costanza!

Do watch out for stress, anxiety, untreated depression, obesity, uncontrolled diabetes, sedentary lifestyle, eating junk food, and of course, concussions -
it has been suggested that these can cause your sensitive seahorse to shrink.
Take it from this Kitty Kat - you want your memory-making hippocampus to be bigger than Ben Hur!

How I (upon becoming seriously unwell and having absolutely no power to change the situation) swiftly realised (after not noticing for 26 years) that your purpose and the freedom to be able to achieve such are some of life's greatest joys.

Ignorance is bliss or enlightenment is liberating?!
A bright mind = Your most striking attribute

On top of what my damaged brain is currently incapable of and what my young life has lost as a direct result of my particular strokes (that after extensive testing, I could not prevent and did not do anything directly to cause - it could very well happen to seemingly healthy you as well) and their consequent damage (that I swiftly went to hospital in order to prevent extent, but was not treated for either stroke promptly nor appropriately), I have to live with a devastating effect of brain damage that currently (<<here's hoping, operative word!) sees most of my daily life (since late 2012 with a steady improvement in memory retention rate over the years) forgotten, mere moments later.

When I do stop to consider that a person is essentially made through their precious memories from a smorgasbord of life's experiences and sensations, where I have lost a vast amount over the past 3.5 years and only continue to lose every single moment of my days, knowing that I must live in the moment (yet be constantly aware of the future consequences of such choices and be controlled by someone else caring for myself = no joy!) for I may not retain + be alienated and analysed by others who cannot (and with now low expectations, I don't expect them to) relate, I can't help but reflect on the life I earned + once had, the challenging, lacking life I have now been experiencing for several years due to unavoidable circumstances and the life I want to have + how I'm meant to get there. These are not the sort of burdens you should carry in your prime (/ever) and yet, I am currently (four years/one-third of my adult life and counting) powerless to change it.


(^^courtesy of Collective Evolution)
"It's not so much about sympathising with people and making them feel better with things or with stories to please their ego.
It's about getting to the core of things with people.
Connecting with them, feeling what they are feeling, relating to them and bringing no judgement into the situation at all."

Empathy has been one of the strongest driving forces behind my particular rehabilitation.
 

It has made myself feel reconnected to society despite the alienating godawful life that chose me,
it has shown that people genuinely care about my plight to live and they certainly do still cherish my being despite what the strokes so aggressively killed.

Empathy has saved this Kitty Kat and helped regain blessed belief in myself and my support network -
it is necessary for optimal stroke rehabilitation,
so to the genuine supporters, I always say that simply being there (with clever jokes on hand) for a survivor is your ultimate gift.  
Thank you to all the sincere, consistent pump-esque souls who have embraced this challenging journey with myself, not regarding their friendship and support as a means to stroke (no pun intended) their ego and so passionately + genuinely attempted to view life from the perspective of a young stroke survivor struggling to live on. 
Empathetic Enigmas!

Through all the ongoing rehabilitation, loss, failure and heartache, there has also been vast healing, insight, success and growth.  

Heavy questions you should never consider in your 20s were thrust - without invitation nor encouragement from my end - into my promising, youthful world, where they are still constantly being asked (in an aggressive manner that would make Donald Trump's renowned 'bull in a china shop' approach pale in comparison) and over the course of now several years, many of these frank questions have fortunately been answered, the once-was-familiar warm Kitty-Kat-Light has been restored (you're welcome) to various aspects of my young life (the sincerest of cheers to all who hung in there, shining in my direction their own bright light to the max in the meantime! Supernovas!) and best of all, purpose and enlightenment now reigns supreme.

This is my new left-of-centre, morbid, yet also endearing and witty (you know what I'm like - a huge hilarious head!), life journey at (now) 30 years of age and so be it, I must go with all my heart!
Kitty Khallenge
Say the colour, not the word


Mental Magic!
How did you go doing these above 'burpees' for the brain?
Did you feel your brain having a workout? Compressing and showing you what it is really made of?!
Your brain's right hemisphere tries to say the colour of the front,
but your sneaky mind's left hemisphere insists on reading the word.
What fascinating functions of our advanced minds!
Understandably, I was in a 'heavy fog' after 2012's two life-changing strokes.  
To the outside world looking in my direction, it's 'just' a 'low lying cloud' ("Kitty seems fine, what's the big deal?! I spoke to her for a few minutes at a friend's birthday party - she looked 'normal' + even walked and talked 'properly' and was at a party after all, being the life of such, drinking alcoholic beverages and proudly proclaiming them as 'blood-thinning medicine' which must mean her strokes weren't 'that' serious and she also made her usual quick-witted jokes - she really has nothing to complain/worry about and definitely doesn't need my friendship + support that much, so all in all, give it a week, I reckon!" = a summary of some feedback we certainly do receive in the strokes' wake), but when you are completely engulfed in such every single moment you're awake (how sleep - that I have, along with the majority of stroke survivorsrequired immensely after acquiring brain damage - has been a blessed escape from the confronting reality of life where my honest + raw thoughts about strokes and their ongoing losses + challenges, exclusions + concerns - directly and indirectly speaking haven't always been desired nor helpful over the past 4 years, life is not as bright nor as promising and your *previously* prosperous future now cannot be projected very far depending on the density of the disheartening stroke-fog). Just imagine the extent of such heavy fog that some stroke survivors (of all ages) actually have to trek constantly through for years - perhaps even for the reminder of their lives however long such may be. It's not as simple as it may seem.
Due to the particular autoimmune disease (which could be acquired by anyone) that struck in various subtle and blatant manners causing two massive strokes and lingering effects a young person shouldn't have to experience, my existence (<<if you can call it that at current state) has since been a constant mix of 'bitterly cold' and 'uncomfortably humid' conditions with several frightening 'thunderstorms' (brainstorms?! <<FYI - we no longer use this incredibly offensive + ignorant word in the classroom when collecting information from students - 'mind map', 'think tank' and/or 'suggest-fest' are far more politically correct!) thrown in for good measure that have combined like an aggressive tumbleweed, forcing my young life to be awfully complicated as well as currently (<<operative word!) lacklustre and arguably void of purpose.
Above: An email (I sent to myself from myself in anticipation of future - and certain - memory lapse. Rad like that!) as a form of memory assistance also helped in calming the heightened anxiety about whether I was alive or dead (not just a morbid mindset, but an incredibly frightening experience that was more confronting than the initial two-second memory reset), my now altered, compromised future + the sheer loss of neurons and with it, function/abilities/traits and the rare autoimmune disease that (doctors deduce) caused the strokes and may result in recurring brain attacks in the future
(Please Note:  You may have noticed/enjoyed that not only was my attention span worse than that of a toddler or memory-like-a-fish Dory, but also my priorities at regaining lost memories resided in DJs I had recently seen perform in Ibiza in the summer haha!)
- 2 months into Stroke #2's Rehabilitation 
(**Rehabilitation + the mind's around-the-clock mending have now been ongoing for the past 42 months *and counting* - when you consider that I could have done another university degree *for example* in that time, it does add up to a substantial + devastating length of life lost)
December 2012
A sincere 'cheers' to those absolute legends who have shown consistent + genuine compassionpatienceopen minds and also inclusivity by making myself feel (re)connected to our world when I have felt so grossly out of touch, almost like an unwelcome, confused alien to the rest of our advanced civilisation.  You surely are giving this Kitty Kat some of your renowned bright energy + powerful strength during immensely challenging and weak moments/years when my own light hasn't always been brightly shining, dearest wise ones.
Being a headstrong, passionate and determined person (pre/post strokes), with a dog-with-a-bone attitude, failure in what I truly want (a young, flourishing life of an independent, successful mover and shaker ala yesteryear's life - a once-was-attainable + simple desire that my peers all seem to currently relish in) has been a vital life experience that has only strengthened such attributes, so I am no longer afraid of failure - I passionately embrace it ('go on - touch the burr hole in my skull', 'do you want to be the person who walks me to and from the restroom as I'll forget where they are/our table is in the two minute *mis*adventure?' and the now infamous remark made during the very first night out of hospital, merely one week post Stroke 1 *and subsequent loss of the brain's  occipital lobe in the left hemisphere/death of my 'inner baboon'*, after I had successfully passed */excelled in* necessary hospital discharge tests - just in time to celebrate the unforgettable *even to this 'Dory'!* 2012 London Olympics' Opening Ceremony where I received a healthy */typical* amount of attention which entertained my supportive mates to no end - 'strokes get the blokes' - to name a few unique Kittyisms that reflect how morbid + confronting stroke survivor status was proactively embraced from the get-go), celebrate it (as strange as that may sound to you, what has been achieved in the severe strokes' wake is phenomenal - we ought to celebrate everyone's achievements and not just what society proclaims as the norm) and as you may have noticed, regularly make (hilarious) jokes about it.
Looking back, it certainly wasn't always a depressing occasion during the hospital hangouts with my pump-esque supporters - I thoroughly (and fortunately - for them or me?! All winners!) looked forward to seeing people - life- every day whilst in the Neuro Ward (to which I hope is too a similar 'rainbow vibe' to the 'dark rainy day' for other unwell patients) and such supportive souls would make light of anything and everything.  Plus, they'd kindly offer daily chocolate treats (which certainly add up when the decent eggs all would bring treats into hospital every single night - boom! Naturally, I did not encourage them to converse among themselves as it would have meant reduced/healthy rations of daily chocolate delegation!). Thanks for 'feeding the mind' with stroke smart chocolate (<<scientific justification!), lovely supporters! Nurse Gilly would surely agree with my analysis that it was the various steroids' fault that I needed chocolate (<<don't argue with this 'scientific' logic) and as a direct consequence of excessive chocolate consumption, the brain's particular damage meant, I always felt terribly nauseous within minutes of eating anything for a decent hour afterwards - worth.every.bite. (my bedside buddies who had to listen to the constant post-consumption complaints that were ever-so present after Stroke 2 may/definitely not agree) or Happy Meal + daily newspaper (which helped my mind realise I was actually alive with its fresh stories and graphics that served as 'concrete' proof = loved them!) so I was more or less living the dream - iiiiif you were living in the moment (like my damaged brain initially perfected - one may even be jealous of such a deficit/'skill')!
You may have noticed that optimistic ole hope (on top of humour, of course!) is consistently littered throughout my particular stroke rehabilitation journey - not because it is a substitute for the extreme pain endured over the past four years, but because it is in spite of such.
Ultimately, my mind's rehabilitation is up to me and hopelessness can tragically derail the significant progress that has been triumphantly achieved by my extraordinary mind and in my young life post brain damage.  Despite the Special K mind 'going through the ringer', it has proven - in its darkest hour - to be my most powerful instrument with which I can move forward in life.  Upwards and onwards style of brain - we're going to be best friends forevermore! It certainly is a keeper - what's left of it anyway hehe!
Well call me O-Kitty-Bama as my particular Stroke Rehabilitation Campaign is focused on HOPE
(...+ I'm also 'slightly bent' like the origin of the word, Obama *which meaning of such - learnt prior to strokes - is in my mind's long term memory bank! You certainly can't pick what your brain retains*, with my body's slight one-sided weakness *hemiparesis* caused by strokes)!

HOPE - YES WE CAN!
Admittedly, upon reflection, a healthy young person who does not have to worry about the complex + confronting concept of 'being seriously unwell' may take the freedom, choices, energy and opportunities for granted, not truly understanding what they would lose and ultimately just how such would make them (constantly) feel until it actually in fact happened to them (and even then, there's no guarantee that they'll fully grasp your particular struggles)
It's one striking - yet awfully unsavoury - situation that is utterly inconceivable to an outsider to merely consider. Strokes Get The Blokes is primarily here to shed some light on stroke smarts - in prevevention (through researched lifestyle choices + limiting risk factors - my experience tells me that you certainly do not want to experience what I have in my 20s-30s), in identification (including being aware that strokes happen to various ages + backgrounds and are considered as equal opportunists) and also in (my expert field) life after stroke.  In doing such a unique little blog, not only may you, the humble reader, actively consider and embrace stroke smart lifestyle choices, but you may also find that you better understand + sympathise with stroke survivors (who so often feel hidden and/or abandoned by our current society, especially if one can't see our constant struggles, pain and loss) and their courageous plight to keep on living and thriving in the aftermath of the cruel throes of stroke.  What a decent celebration! Arriba! 

Remarkably, the devastating brain injuries and their lingering adversity - that has been acknowledged and embraced head-on (no pun intended) from the very start so that I, overcome and again thrive this blink-and-you'll-miss-it life - may have made this Kitty Kat (along with the considerate, consistent & sincere pumps of my world) more wise, patient, loving and appreciative (+ funnier too) in their wake. Pretty rad, yes?!


Without a doubt, life is not predictable (no matter how much we try to control it), nor is it always fair and we cannot avoid every speedbump along life's journey, so with such a mindset - let's eat dessert straight up!


This seemingly simple, yet surprisingly sophisticated task (above) is reminiscent of my childhood when we'd rub our bellies in a clockwise/anticlockwise motion with one hand, whilst simultaneously tapping our heads with the other hand (did you do it too?! I hope so!) 
= Feeding the mind whilst having fun
 (+ still enjoyable to do after a few cocktails at the weekend).
Do have a go!
'Those who suffer the most, celebrate the best'
Recently reaching 30 (!!!) despite almost dying at the youthful age of 26 =
Decent celebrations of grand LIFE
(liquor + lads + Laird + laughter + loosening up + leg lure) 
in the extraordinary city of Berlin with an old mate/philosopher of happiness. 
Thank you dear Berlin barfly/local/gem, darling Benny L
#strokesgettheblokes
Berlin Germany
November 2015


Being grossly unwell - for almost four years (1/3 of my adult life thus far) now (and growing) - has ultimately shifted the lens of how I view not only the world and life's priorities, but also the way I view myself and others as well.  How I absolutely adore and respect those who have consistently embraced this chapter with myself and ensured to value the genuine being I still am with their considerate + infectious high spirits shining throughout, kindly deflecting from the confronting struggles with their warmth, encouragement, inclusion, humour and love.  Initially, I regarded myself as worthless post strokes (can you even imagine?! This rare gem!) given all I had lost in brain-power and the various by-products of such (loss of adored job + travel/income/independence/so-called mates/progress etc) and all I could suddenly - with absolutely zero control - not do.

How could anyone cherish this Kitty Kat now that I am noticeably brain damaged and at times, feel like a shadow of my former self with some treating a stroke survivor with such little respect, compassion and understanding?  Eventually, I've come to realise that much like a torn $100 note, who I am is actually in fact still here - crumpled and/or torn, unkempt and/or faded - of the highest possible individual value, irrespective of what may come my way.  Within my unique young being, I will keep my precious worth despite such extreme conditions, continue to radiate the contagious warm Kitty vibes and be the renowned, invaluable asset to the genuine souls of my world - personally, as well as professionally, speaking.

After all, it's not what we do nor who we know, but who we are that ultimately matters. 

You little ripper (...of a $100 note << pun intended)!


Below: How a genuine mate (for well over a decade) decided to handle the intense month+ that I was desperately clinging to life whilst in a hospital's (locked) neurology ward without my immediate family in the same country...By implying I was a loser (obviously a joke though, alright?!) and he was casually 'just' hanging out in my little town of 'Loserville' (an upcoming musical's billboard that caught his eye - such a renowned loser must have Google Alerts about himself!) at St George's Neuro Ward, tagging myself in such for all our social media 'mates' to see/enjoy during the initial weeks vacating at St G's after Stroke 2.0.
What a rapturous occasion it must have been 
(don't ask me though - I can barely remember anything from the early stroke days/years)!
Obviously, the supportive buddy knew this steel-strong Kitty could handle cheeky jokes at my own expense from get-go.
...Or perhaps I was a little lenient on his dark (+dodgy) humour given I was under the assumption (given injury to the mind's right hemisphere, in particular, which meant I temporarily lost the prized personal identity we have as human beings aka sense of self - cherish this advanced brain capability today!) that I was dead or cruel mortality was aggressively looming (going easy on mates' senses of humour for a change = positive *for them* to the dark times in 'pital and the otherwise devastating effects of brain damage!).
Plus, I forgot about this lame joke (<<two operative words)
within three seconds 
(lucky me don't you think?! Countless benefits to missing neurons and otherwise standard human brain function)!

Cerebral Crisis = 
Opportune occasion for jokes about you and your brain's strokes!
 
**Please Note: The 'mind mistakes' of 2012 killed off the occipital lobe of the brain's left hemisphere and the right hemisphere's hippocampus, so technically a loser *of neurons* indeed - that's what my mate was implying with Loserville hangout, alright?!  

Humour certainly was the perfect deflection of daily examinations and invasive surgeries (i.e.: constant flow of 'I vant to steal your blood' vampire-esque demands *mostly followed with cookies so not too bad at all!*, CAT scansMRIs, physical whole-body clot checks/massagescamera *the size of your little/pinky finger* shoved down your throat on its 'cute' little/massive attached cord hooked up to a monitor for anyone/all to view your insides, hole drilled in skull so the docs/relative strangers can steal some of the fragile + sore brain to examine with risk of death constantly 'drilled' into you for legal reasons and then, one of the most invasive yet humorous examinations, a dye inserted into a decent sized artery in your delicate groin/upper leg which instantly makes you feel a warm flush all over your body + it seems like you're going to the toilet whilst lying on a bed in front of a group of unfamiliar people with a tender groin for days post *this was somewhat entertaining due to the initial confusion as to why my groin was so incredibly sore given my mind didn't retain the 'necessary' test so I was constantly - << as in every couple of seconds - pondering how I ended up with a bruised nether regions + my constant pleas for pain relief 'down under' which brought countless puns about such - naturally* and genuine smiles on my mates' dials in its wake! Totally worth it*)! 
Overall, the initial stroke rehab whilst in hospital (there was plenty more as an outpatient for years post) was an incredibly intriguing & enriching experience (if you're looking at the bright side), to say the least - it was like being part of a sophisticated science experiment! 
  For the record -
my immediate comeback (a mere 3 weeks after the second dose of brain damage/death of my 'inner baboon' *<<approximate neuron loss comparison* when I was certain my young life was about to end/already had ended) to the supportive buddy's 'Loserville' tag on social media when we were hanging out at cosy little St G's Hospital (above) was, 'Population: You' 
= I win the 'Comeback Comp'
(yet again - sorry about that PB!).
 
Being brain damaged does not necessarily equal dim witted.
Long-term-memory-worthy clever comeback too -

Seinfeld's George Costanza needs this witty Kitty to help him out in the retaliation department - especially when he's excessively eating shrimp!
Sincere mates certainly support + facilitate the plentiful jokes and good vibes - how fortunate I truly am. 
Such witty souls are the sweetest dessert of my life's unsavoury meal! 
London U.K.
November 2012

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