"A brain injury is a life-changing experience.
I used to say it hadn’t changed me, but of course it has.
Weeks and weeks of lying in hospital contemplating your own personality does kind of have an effect.
You question your sanity, your emotions, your own personality. But if you’re very lucky, it can be a life-affirming, revelatory experience.
That crash is one of the biggest things that’s happened to me and it’s changed me."
Richard Hammond
- who crashed a jet-powered car at a staggering 463 km/hr while filming Top Gear in 2006, consequently suffering one fierce brain injury -
is one wise (and changed!) soul. Perhaps the traumatic brain injury made him so!
In the linked article, Hammond describes dealing with the lingering effects of brain damage to areas of the mind that govern both short-term memory and self-reflection, ultimately altering one's behaviour when, at times, he just wanted to disappear due to his self-confidence being stripped from the instant damage to his vital thinking & being machine (mmhmm gurlfriend). Please, please, please be aware of the vast range of detrimental lasting physical & mental effects (direct and indirect) that can be caused by a brain injury (as a teacher, I try to focus on people's intentions! Do try it yourself) and the constant, crippling self-doubt brain-damaged souls can undoubtedly feel when they (*we*) lose billions of sacred neurons, together with the raw mourning process one must deal with when suddenly losing their 'former self' (keep in mind, I - and countless other youthful sorts, ranging from infections of the brain to strokes - were not doing any extreme physical stunts when we acquired such a broad range of mind deficits, yet they do have similar results to traumatic brain injuries like Richard's, crazy huh?!). A marvellous mind article (in link) that hits the nail on the head (fortunately, such hitting on the head is not literal) - I have certainly also felt ebullient during these saddest experiences of my life (i.e.: laughing through tears when friends visiting hospital would tell me their unique anecdotes such as what they had to buy their aunt *that you should never have to buy for a relative* before visiting them overseas in the lead-up to a confronting surgery that involved getting a decent-sized hole drilled in my skull in order to steal a piece of brain *brain biopsy - legalities meant they had to disclose that I very well could die from this particular test and my depleted self-belief meant I was certain death was knocking despite the low likelihood from the actual surgery itself and far more likely to die from the strokes and their direct effects - anxiety city!* as part of a range of traumatising yet standard stroke tests). Currently, after over two years since last stroke (boom!), I'm in the Emergent Stage (which the above article also describes) of Stroke Rehabilitation, where every emotion truly does become an overwhelming experience and is made 100 times worse by the treatment/judgement/ignorance of a few clueless souls who don't seem to have the capacity to grasp this serious health situation (when you may look & talk 'totally normal' despite substantial brain damage) and what exactly happens to someone in the aftermath of not only two massive strokes, but the cruel loss of their young life's independence + progression and one's sacred identity (just like what Top Gear's Mr Hammond went through with his brain injury #invisibleillness).
What is particularly intriguing in the article is when they describe brain plasticity (AKA Neuroplasticity), in particular, axonal sprouting, as similar to a car accident on a motorway, where unaffected motorists (neurons) work to find new roads to detour around the crash (brain damage), so that they eventually get back on track to their intended/updated destination (i.e.: improved competencies in eyesight, energy, balance, regulating emotions, sensation, memory etc and regaining some independence as well as working at some level - not necessarily your original career nor paid employment) - finding new ways to do the same things! Richard Hammond and I are little examples of the magic of Neuroplasticity which (in my humble opinion) can also influenced by a person's determination, consistency, persistence, passion, support and optimism. Splendid.
STROKE - BY THE NUMBERS -
Stroke is the 2nd LEADING cause of death (after heart disease) for people above the age of 60 and the 5th LEADING cause for people aged 15 to 59
I used to say it hadn’t changed me, but of course it has.
Weeks and weeks of lying in hospital contemplating your own personality does kind of have an effect.
You question your sanity, your emotions, your own personality. But if you’re very lucky, it can be a life-affirming, revelatory experience.
That crash is one of the biggest things that’s happened to me and it’s changed me."
Richard Hammond
- who crashed a jet-powered car at a staggering 463 km/hr while filming Top Gear in 2006, consequently suffering one fierce brain injury -
is one wise (and changed!) soul. Perhaps the traumatic brain injury made him so!
In the linked article, Hammond describes dealing with the lingering effects of brain damage to areas of the mind that govern both short-term memory and self-reflection, ultimately altering one's behaviour when, at times, he just wanted to disappear due to his self-confidence being stripped from the instant damage to his vital thinking & being machine (mmhmm gurlfriend). Please, please, please be aware of the vast range of detrimental lasting physical & mental effects (direct and indirect) that can be caused by a brain injury (as a teacher, I try to focus on people's intentions! Do try it yourself) and the constant, crippling self-doubt brain-damaged souls can undoubtedly feel when they (*we*) lose billions of sacred neurons, together with the raw mourning process one must deal with when suddenly losing their 'former self' (keep in mind, I - and countless other youthful sorts, ranging from infections of the brain to strokes - were not doing any extreme physical stunts when we acquired such a broad range of mind deficits, yet they do have similar results to traumatic brain injuries like Richard's, crazy huh?!). A marvellous mind article (in link) that hits the nail on the head (fortunately, such hitting on the head is not literal) - I have certainly also felt ebullient during these saddest experiences of my life (i.e.: laughing through tears when friends visiting hospital would tell me their unique anecdotes such as what they had to buy their aunt *that you should never have to buy for a relative* before visiting them overseas in the lead-up to a confronting surgery that involved getting a decent-sized hole drilled in my skull in order to steal a piece of brain *brain biopsy - legalities meant they had to disclose that I very well could die from this particular test and my depleted self-belief meant I was certain death was knocking despite the low likelihood from the actual surgery itself and far more likely to die from the strokes and their direct effects - anxiety city!* as part of a range of traumatising yet standard stroke tests). Currently, after over two years since last stroke (boom!), I'm in the Emergent Stage (which the above article also describes) of Stroke Rehabilitation, where every emotion truly does become an overwhelming experience and is made 100 times worse by the treatment/judgement/ignorance of a few clueless souls who don't seem to have the capacity to grasp this serious health situation (when you may look & talk 'totally normal' despite substantial brain damage) and what exactly happens to someone in the aftermath of not only two massive strokes, but the cruel loss of their young life's independence + progression and one's sacred identity (just like what Top Gear's Mr Hammond went through with his brain injury #invisibleillness).
What is particularly intriguing in the article is when they describe brain plasticity (AKA Neuroplasticity), in particular, axonal sprouting, as similar to a car accident on a motorway, where unaffected motorists (neurons) work to find new roads to detour around the crash (brain damage), so that they eventually get back on track to their intended/updated destination (i.e.: improved competencies in eyesight, energy, balance, regulating emotions, sensation, memory etc and regaining some independence as well as working at some level - not necessarily your original career nor paid employment) - finding new ways to do the same things! Richard Hammond and I are little examples of the magic of Neuroplasticity which (in my humble opinion) can also influenced by a person's determination, consistency, persistence, passion, support and optimism. Splendid.
STROKE - BY THE NUMBERS -
Stroke is the 2nd LEADING cause of death (after heart disease) for people above the age of 60 and the 5th LEADING cause for people aged 15 to 59
(that equates to 30 people per minute; 1800 people every hour; 43 200 people each day; over 15 000 000 (that's 15 million!) strokes annually)
Annually, close to 6 000 000 (six million) people die from stroke worldwide & approximately 5 000 000 (five million) are left permanently disabled as a result of suffering a stroke -
their lives (and the quality and quantity of such) will be changed forever by this particular acquired brain damage with its severity dependent on Acting FAST (not only the stroke sufferer *if feasible*, but also those around them - everyone needs to know stroke symptoms in the event of being a sufferer or their fast-acting hero) ensuring there is appropriate medical intervention to restore blood flow (to the brain's vital blood vessels) in all areas of the mind once a stroke strikes.
Annually, close to 6 000 000 (six million) people die from stroke worldwide & approximately 5 000 000 (five million) are left permanently disabled as a result of suffering a stroke -
their lives (and the quality and quantity of such) will be changed forever by this particular acquired brain damage with its severity dependent on Acting FAST (not only the stroke sufferer *if feasible*, but also those around them - everyone needs to know stroke symptoms in the event of being a sufferer or their fast-acting hero) ensuring there is appropriate medical intervention to restore blood flow (to the brain's vital blood vessels) in all areas of the mind once a stroke strikes.
Some examples of stroke medical assistance include -
- Anti-platelet medicines to dissolve blood clots
- Anticoagulants (blood thinners) to not only open blood clots as well as stopping them from getting larger, but also to reduce the chance of forming further clots and also ensuring blood can travel through inflamed blood vessels (blood thinners have been my - the-inflamed-blood-vessel stroke survivor - and other stroke survivors' - breakfast *of champions* for over 2 years now)
- Electroencephalogram (EEG) procedure to detect abnormalities in the brain waves or electrical activity of the brain (this was an incredibly interesting procedure and almost felt like the lovely nurse was giving me a head massage!)
- Tissue plasminogen activator (tPA) to help break up blood clots, in particular (this needs to be injected within 4 hours of a stroke commencing - Act FAST!!)
- Cerebral Angioplasty can also executed by medical hotshots if someone who suffered a stroke needs to open any partially blocked vertebral & carotid arteries in their brain & neck by using a stent with a fine wire mesh to keep the vessels open
Furthermore, a fellow young woman I know - who also experienced a stroke while in her 20s just a few years ago - had an emergency craniotomy to reduce the swelling of the brain by letting it have room to swell whilst she was having her particular brain attack. Pretty scary stuff.
Above: A simple, yet informative graph detailing the broad range of physical effects that can be caused by strokes to survivors and the percentage of those who suffer from such
According to National Stroke Foundation, every 9 minutes, someone in Australia (alone) suffers a stroke - varied signs can occur suddenly with severity intensifying through negligence and delay in appropriate medical treatment.
Stop the aggressive 'fire in the brain' in its tracks by Acting FAST (Face one-sided weakness - smiling is a simple way to effectively reflect this; Arms - when raised in front, is one unable to stay at same level as other/Ask Questions; Speech - successfully repeat a simple sentence/Smile/Sudden onset of fierce headache; Time is brain - seek medial assistance).
Although the FAST (<<helpful mnemonic explained above) Test is typically effective in helping to identify the most common stroke symptoms, it is wise to be familiar with all possible symptoms of stroke, including -
*loss of balance
*loss in visual field including seeing 'spots' before such loss
*inability to be articulate and/or enunciate speech clearly and properly
*sudden onset of severe headache *some refer to such as a 'thunderclap'*
*nausea with severe cases being physically sick
*sudden memory and intellectual loss where otherwise simple queries including day of the week/date, basic math equation, who the current leader of their country is and where they presently are now prove beyond one's capabilities
*one-sided body/face weakness
*general confusion
*heightened anxiety
According to National Stroke Foundation, every 9 minutes, someone in Australia (alone) suffers a stroke - varied signs can occur suddenly with severity intensifying through negligence and delay in appropriate medical treatment.
Stop the aggressive 'fire in the brain' in its tracks by Acting FAST (Face one-sided weakness - smiling is a simple way to effectively reflect this; Arms - when raised in front, is one unable to stay at same level as other/Ask Questions; Speech - successfully repeat a simple sentence/Smile/Sudden onset of fierce headache; Time is brain - seek medial assistance).
Although the FAST (<<helpful mnemonic explained above) Test is typically effective in helping to identify the most common stroke symptoms, it is wise to be familiar with all possible symptoms of stroke, including -
*loss of balance
*loss in visual field including seeing 'spots' before such loss
*inability to be articulate and/or enunciate speech clearly and properly
*sudden onset of severe headache *some refer to such as a 'thunderclap'*
*nausea with severe cases being physically sick
*sudden memory and intellectual loss where otherwise simple queries including day of the week/date, basic math equation, who the current leader of their country is and where they presently are now prove beyond one's capabilities
*one-sided body/face weakness
*general confusion
*heightened anxiety
USA's National Stroke Association have created this clever mathematical visual aid (below) to help society clearly identify and understand the vast range of effects one may suffer from when experiencing a stroke and in the aftermath of brain damage.
I hope such figures shock (to truly cement it in your mind) and educate you as much as they did when I learnt them.
Do spread the awareness of such devastating brain attacks.
I hope such figures shock (to truly cement it in your mind) and educate you as much as they did when I learnt them.
Do spread the awareness of such devastating brain attacks.
Australia's National Stroke Foundation has spent 10 years of avid campaigning aimed to help reduce the impact of stroke by Acting Fast in the event of a fire in the brain, as well as promoting effective and simple strategies to improve and/or alter our lifestyles to reduce people's individual stroke risk.
Despite such, most Australian people don't think that stroke is a health concern
(let the next statistic clearly tell you how many people should
be aware and actively stroke smart).
1/3 of all people who are fortunate to initially survive a stroke, will have future brain attacks - these are typically far worse than the original (mind loves a sequel - just like Arnie!)
Despite such, most Australian people don't think that stroke is a health concern
(let the next statistic clearly tell you how many people should
be aware and actively stroke smart).
The lifetime stroke risk means between 15 - 20% of our population will have at least one stroke (compare this to the common *mis*presumption that the majority of people don't think stroke is a particular health concern of theirs and that other less concerning health issues such as cancer were more likely *when they are not as likely as stroke*, and the sheer inconsistencies between the two - we are so ignorant of the basic facts and actual stroke likelihood - spread 'em!)
Approximately 1/3 of people who suffer a stroke, do not survive its immediate effects
On top of the initial fatalities, a further 22% of stroke survivors will die within a year post brain injury
In total, 1/2 of the initial survivors will die shortly after being treated over the course of five years post brain attack (meaning two out of three - the MAJORITY - of stroke sufferers DIE within a mere lustrum/5 years of a brain attack)
1/3 of stroke survivors are left permanently disabled
On top of the initial fatalities, a further 22% of stroke survivors will die within a year post brain injury
In total, 1/2 of the initial survivors will die shortly after being treated over the course of five years post brain attack (meaning two out of three - the MAJORITY - of stroke sufferers DIE within a mere lustrum/5 years of a brain attack)
1/3 of stroke survivors are left permanently disabled
More than 1/3 of stroke survivors will experience depression after their brain injury
by the sheer loss in their life (professionally, personally, physically) and the lack of quality of such it causes, directly & indirectly (often adopting the morbid 'everyone would be better off if I was dead'/'I wish my stroke had killed me' reflection/mindset)
by the sheer loss in their life (professionally, personally, physically) and the lack of quality of such it causes, directly & indirectly (often adopting the morbid 'everyone would be better off if I was dead'/'I wish my stroke had killed me' reflection/mindset)
1/3 of all people who are fortunate to initially survive a stroke, will have future brain attacks - these are typically far worse than the original (mind loves a sequel - just like Arnie!)
which has the highest (instant) fatality rate at 50%
Each minute after a stroke attacks (and before appropriate medical help is administered), 1.9 million neurons are forever lost - a healthy human brain has close to 100 billion neurons. Leaving your stroke's 'fire in the brain' to spread merely for a few hours before appropriate medical intervention could easily cost you your life or if you're fortunate, 'just' a baboon's worth of neurons (Exhibit A - this Special K) - billions upon billions are so simple to lose if we (Stroke Heroes Act FAST - this includes witnesses) ignore the telltale stroke symptoms.Acting FAST by promptly acknowledging a stroke's presence is essential in a) receiving medical assistance in order to survive, and b) limiting the effects (disabilities/restrictions) if one is not killed by the brain attack (2/3 of stroke sufferers initially survive, yet a whopping half of them then die within just a few years).
To further grasp various diseases, injuries and conditions of the mind that affect a broad range of people, please do watch this enlightening program about neuro patients at an English hospital. In such, I particularly appreciated a poignant reflection made by IT consultant, Patrick (and just him in general. Such an intriguing human being - I'm confident you will agree), who once thought people with mental health concerns were weak people who should 'snap out of it and stop pretending' (with education, experience and awareness, he has since altered his viewpoint to a more understanding one). This, from my own direct findings as a two-time brain-injured soul, is a common misassumption by some in our society which certainly adds to the burden of such challenging times for many. We definitely are not pretending and constantly having to battle our intense brain-demons makes us stronger people than ever before (funnier too) - I'm sure you would agree that old mate, Patrick, is one unique, brave and fascinating specimen despite (or perhaps, because of) his mental health challenges. Maradona, eat your heart out! .
Did you know the cause of a stroke (to treat accordingly) isn't always identified immediately or at all, which can be frightening in itself - constantly living in fear of repeat brain attacks that will only cause more disabilities (Exhibit A - K.Laird. I thought a second stroke would result in death so was in denial to avoid the reality/likelihood and once Stroke 2 hit, I was petrified of a third, always asking people if they could see signs of another stroke if I had any subtle abnormality *i.e.: headache, twitching, dizziness, memory loss of information I'd normally retain post strokes yet hadn't = must be Stroke 3 symptoms*) or most likely, death, is utterly unbearable (my particular cause - a rare autoimmune disease that wrongly attacks healthy cells in an attempt to fight off a supposed infection, causing blood vessels to inflame, which then restricts blood to pass through them, depriving the mind of oxygen, thus equalling stroke - was deduced in November 2012 after thorough, invasive and traumatising testing over a course of many months that all came back as 'healthy'. Vasculitis - a disease I had no idea was around, but offers immense clarity and answers - Phantom of the Kitty?!). You suddenly (with no outside force - i.e.: vehicle crash, fight etc - physical trauma to the head - whatsoever, but with a similar consequence to such. I woke up like dis rings true for Stroke 2) lose your ability (with complete awareness of the vast array of deficits and loss) to not only comprehend people's communication (including their non-verbal communication, cues and/or actions), but also the simple ability (that you took for granted your entire life up until the day of the stroke/s like the majority of people around you) to be articulate and concentrate at the level you were once familiar with (i.e.: merely minutes earlier!) as well as an instant inability with speaking, understanding others with their *and your* body language, socialising, insight, reading (and comprehending such) and execution of effective and varied gestures (as a teacher, that's basically my career in a nutshell - sense of humour is my own added bonus - keeping that one for the kids' sakes). Boom! - there instantly goes your career, your freedom, your choices, your so-called friends, your life - and you're only in your 20s. Stroke (& its awful ramifications) can happen to any one of us at any time.
While a stroke can affect fine motor skill, brain injuries can and do also affect parts of the brain where language is formulated & communication difficulties are typical symptoms of someone suffering from brain damage - both in the verbal and non-verbal sense (during and in the aftermath with severity dependent on a) brain's location of stroke, b) time it takes to acknowledge a stroke striking and c) appropriate medical assistance to regain consistent blood flow to all areas of the brain). The magical aspect of suffering from aphasia (language & communication effect from stroke that affects speech execution) is that the brain uses respective regions for singing and speaking, so many people who experience aphasia and struggle to talk like they once were accustomed to, can actually still sing with ease - Stroke-A-Chord is an Australian choir that is utilising stroke survivors' language and communication through music, despite their particular speech challenges. Pretty bloody magical!
It was surprising to learn (initially, with my own firsthand experience, followed by avid neurology research when I was personally confronted with such never-before-seen learning/comprehending/writing/speaking obstacles from 2012 on - study the fascinating organ yourself!) the extent a stroke can vastly challenge a person in purely the mental sense (as society typically looks straight to brain damage's physical effects i.e.: muscle control aka hypertonia, balance & coordination issues aka dyspraxia, dribbling/difficulty swallowing aka dysphagia, excess salivation aka sialorrhea, one-sided weakness aka hemiparesis and/or slurring of words aka dysarthria, where they tend to focus only on these as an indicator of one's extent of brain damage) whether it be through their understanding, articulation + execution of language and the communication of such known as aphasia (do watch this piece by lovely children reflecting on their dear Mother Duck & other loved ones acquiring such, how aphasia has particularly affected their lives, as well as how they are dealing with it in an effective, positive manner) and/or not being able to judge/handle/execute appropriate social situations, fearing being out in the real world (agoraphobia).
Language is merely one element of a long list of detrimental, debilitating and restricting effects from brain damage. There are many stories out there of stroke survivors experiencing a horrific stroke effect known as 'Locked-in Syndrome' which has meant their only means of communicating messages with others is to blink their eyes at a large alphabet board's letters. Through my own dealings and communication with fellow stroke survivors, people can physically see the challenges some stroke survivors face like that of Locked-in Syndrome (so are more obvious to identify) but my own obstacles - and that of countless other survivors - whilst also severe & constant, show to be far more complex for many (including medical professionals! One - upon meeting me and subsequently testing the mind's limitations - said, in retrospect, he hadn't realised the true severity when he initially met myself. So I am no longer shocked by people in the medical field being included in some of the ignorance) to identify without extensive testing. As part of the biweekly rehabilitation therapy sessions of both occupational and speech & language therapy over two years (where's my bachelor's degree for such?!), my range of devoted (sometimes funny, always diligent) therapists constantly practised and tested medical, social, educational and vocational stroke effects and the newfound needs for such, as well as testing that I was able to be in the 'real world' despite the brain damage (with tasks/tests regarded as typically simple for an adult i.e.: one OT organised this rehabilitation 'test' - 'buy three items at the newsagent that we listed just a few minutes' earlier, then after such, try find our way back from one hospital ward - where the newsagent is - to our original rehab ward that we just walked away from down a hall a moment ago. Use your own strategies to remember the list and try think what ward we'd need to return to as to help with direction and challenge yourself not to use signs, but rather your 'gut instinct' for it is your memory normally giving a subtle hint. Hot tip - try extra hard to encourage your short-term memory, take your time and think back to the mental cues you set up a few minutes' earlier to encourage new neurone routes' - part of the memory problems stem from this newfound anxiety that is frightening in itself, as I never used to be anxious! What is this 'anxiety' you speak of?! Brain, come on!!) to ensure different parts of the brain that are involved in different abilities and functions were working normally/effectively, as well as identify all areas that needed improvements/monitoring, in the hope I can one day be independent again.
It may seem absurd, but these initial tests were incredibly stressful for a brain-damaged soul (we'd occasionally have to stop/cancel attempting a test for I'd start crying or showing other signs of anxiety by the utter distress such confronting, challenging *basic for brain-abled* tasks caused, the fact I cried was also just as alarming as my emotions were unable to be controlled post strokes) - and I was totally aware that everyday activities should not be stressful. This acute awareness and constant comparison of my former self only made the situation worse (stroke survivors - try not to take this self-critical road, it's not pretty nor helpful) and, unsurprisingly, nerves would kick in where depleted self-belief and self-confidence for simply living made it and life all so very complicated for this 20-something Special K, accepting with utter heartbreak that this was my life forevermore (neuroplasticity - work, work, work your magic!). Rehabilitation was also done to identify areas of the damaged mind that needed urgent attention (according to those in the know - initial years post injury is when neuroplasticity is at its pinnacle and optimal rehabilitation with our adaptive minds can be achieved - so let's hone in on that!) . Stroke #1's hospital rehabilitation was one week long (I requested to leave at that point with outpatient appointments set for a later date to find the cause, although I could have done with considerably more therapy despite passing necessary discharge tests. I was in denial) and Stroke #2's hospital rehabilitation was six weeks with then over two years worth of official outpatient rehabilitation once back home Down Under, so when I did 'graduate', it felt as relieving/rewarding as getting your driver's licence. Perhaps an even bigger deal!
To help you understand the many facets this brain-damaged life has brought, think about what you achieved/did/travelled to in the past two years (with length of stagnation still growing indefinitely) and how confronting, isolating, challenging and utterly depressing it would be to suddenly lose that progression, excitement and independence in your 20s (yet everyone else your age seems to be healthy & continuing with what you now can only dream of), where you instead spend the two years at your regional family home - on the other side/end of the world - purely only permitted to focus on rest and rehabilitation with regular sessions each week at a confronting hospital and range of rehabilitation facilities (that are filled mostly with unwell seniors - they are such lovely sorts, but it is overwhelming at times to be the youngest person there, this wasn't meant to be how I lived my 20s) for this wretched mind that caused mass devastation (and doctors love to say that there was nothing you could do to prevent it!), losing as a direct result - your independence, freedom, job, (so-called, dodgy) friends, lifestyle and location of such. It's more than staring death in the face together with the brain damage and its limitations at such a young age; it's what you lose in your quality of life as a result (directly and indirectly). From what I have learnt from immersing myself in learning more about the mind, more than any other function of the brain, memories define who you are as a unique individual. Without such, imagine how confronting, traumatising and isolating it would be for you. It's utterly horrible especially when you add the other effects of brain damage + the vast loss experienced and whilst I do generally like to add some humour & my own unique flair to the situation, I am by no means sugarcoating it.
If you were comparing the damage the strokes caused to both brain hemispheres and how I'm dealing with it, well I guarantee, you'd be pretty impressed (like many educated folk) with my tenacity, progress, optimism, humour & spirit despite such utter tragedy and extreme loss.
The 'Aussie Battler' way - influenced by the 1/2 'Brit Blood' of keep calm and carry on.
Some of Stroke #1's initial rehabilitation's official testing included a visual field test (below left - shaded parts were the original sight deficit *+50%* in mid 2012 from Stroke #1 striking the occipital lobe and the delay in treating such - take note of the drastic effects to a being by not 'Acting Fast'! It could cost you your eyesight, or far worse, a severe long-term disability or quite likely, your life) and also, mere weeks post Stroke 1 (when sight was at its worst - instant 50% loss of range), Finding Way Around Foreign Country Test (below right - 'Czech' us out!).
Stroke 1's delay in acknowledgement & then its appropriate treatment meant I initially lost 50% eyesight in both eyes (thanks to neuroplasticity, my youthful age and constantly using the eyes to trigger the brain's axonal sprouting of fresh pathways around the damaged part of my brain, this is slowly improving and eyesight is indeed being regained, still - two and a half years later. Sitting/staring at less than 25% deficit now - super brain!) hence 'requiring' seeing-eye-dog-men in the initial months following the first acquired brain damage when I was determined to continue with original plans of the 2012 Summer Euro Trip.
In hindsight, foreign places/music festivals with foreign people (and foreign rooster testes!) is not something you should do after suffering serious head trauma merely a week earlier, but try saying 'no' to Special K (I thought 'getting back on the horse' of LIFE was the best rehabilitation I could have - baptism of fire!).
It truly was stressful and daunting at times with a supposed friend abandoning this brain-damaged sister whilst overseas when I was petrified of the new, alien life - making it agonisingly harder with their sheer negligence and ignorance of brain injuries & what is acceptable treatment of a friend with a fresh brain injury (I learnt pretty swiftly how little society is aware of brain injuries and survivors of such), but it ultimately helped in regaining independence, self-belief and also, self-confidence (which I so desperately needed to regain more than the memory, balance, energy, sensation and eyesight deficits!) that was obliterated when Stroke #1 hit. The (above) doting seeing-eye-dog-man (along with other considerate sorts - I have discovered firsthand like many stroke survivors before, their treatment of you depends on them and the quality of human being they are */are not*, not on you nor the length of the supposed friendship. You could experience the most beautiful humanitarian experience with a complete stranger you meet on a bus who then gives you their email address and you become good mates - and I surely have! - and then the most heartbreaking abandonment by a supposed friend spanning a decade. Heads up!) took it in his stride (pun intended) just over a week after almost dying and losing that 'inner baboon' (in neuron count).
Other rehabilitation examinations were more confronting and childlike where I had to read aloud to the therapists a list of simple words you'd expect a young child to be able to and occasionally they'd throw in a more complex word with silent letters to see if the long-term memory was fine (fortunately, it was. Those 'sophisticated' words excited me!) and then they'd give a simple worksheet with various mathematical problems where I'd speed through them (hurrah - my brain damage didn't affect numeracy! While I initially couldn't access anything with a password *even ones that I created myself!*, I did retain my phone's pin and also my bank card's pin as numeracy always 'came back' before literacy after brain damage which was ever-so-intriguing!) using well-practised short cuts (i.e.: partitioning, grouping etc) from explicit teaching of such just the previous weeks/months when I was brain-abled at my work/school as a young teacher of 30-odd nine-year-old children in one of the best (if not the best!) boroughs you can acquire a teaching gig in UK. Confronting, patronising, demoralising & deflating of one's ego describes just the tip of the fierce (+ dreadfully cold) iceberg that suddenly crushes your neurons to smithereens by you merely waking up while in the midst of suffering a stroke (...and your brain consequently, exploding)! Whilst being relieved that the strokes had generally spared my intelligence (executive function - working memory, reasoning, task flexibility, problem solving and execution - and abstract thinking which are all processed in the frontal lobe of the brain* - were tested & consequently rated high with numeracy results at 95% *am I now Rain Man?!*, yet listing as many words as I could, starting with the letter 'I', in one minute was a confronting challenge given I had forgotten what I had said just a few seconds earlier - I imagine 'inconceivable' was said many times in honour of classic film, Princess Bride), I continually wished, wished, wished I wasn't so aware (awareness of the dire situation grew every week as the brain found new routes and is still growing, which comes with both its positives and negatives). Some therapy sessions (that weren't official tests, but rather, encouraging divine Neuroplasticity during its prime time in the initial two years post acquiring damage) would involve merely being on the rehabilitation ward's computer, playing a range of specific brain games aimed at my particular deficits, which I didn't mind and would have kicked all the kids' butts (...if only they were there! It was mostly old cuties, giving me their phone numbers, yelping 'help!' every couple of minutes and folding sheets together. They always loved my visits and I did love them!), but I did occasionally pause and reflect on the current situation and how drastically altered my life had suddenly become in my late 20s. I was now the dependent child (surrounded by various other 'children') after many years being the teacher (and arguably being the boss at home since two years of age) and being an independent person on a path I had triumphantly paved for myself. This is what can happen when you have a stroke - you become as dependent as a child/baby in some aspects (not all!) & people sometimes treat you like a child (try not to!). Therapists would also write a number on my hand using their finger (whilst I sit eagerly with my eyes shut - it did feel ever so nice!) to test sensory perception (which can and does get affected by strokes - especially in the right hemisphere's parietal lobe and occipital lobe. I had my first brain injury in the occipital lobe hence this testing - fortunately, I aced it!) where I had to then explain what they had drawn when I couldn't visualise the act (not once did I think it was a phallic drawing either! Still unsure whether I'm proud of this brain in/capability or not - Freudy/Lisa P, what would you say?!), then we'd go for a walk to the local shops (which I always loved - an outing like a real adult!) to not only ensure I knew the social protocol and practices at such (never take these vital life skills for granted! Cash was my main source of payment for the first years post Stroke 2 as the anxiety from needing to remember would always mean I'd then forget bank cards' pins at the register - we now have established an effective system - without family telling me the pin - for such, but also to remember what the five items on the list were. Such 'normal' social conduct and protocol - you may take for granted like I used to - are hard, hard, hard for the dual brain-damaged, 20-something year old, but we most certainly got there because we made helpful strategies like an acronym or rhyme for the pieces needing to buy at a store/newsagency/cafe` (FYI the OT asked me to order her a soy chai latte for her to test the memory and trigger Neuroplasticity, which I never would have tried prior to brain damage, yet there I was having a go with her as part of 'rehab'!). The therapists also recommended creating a story to connect the five ingredients needed for a cooking test later that day (as you may have discovered yourself, emotional connection seems to help with retaining memories *HOT TIP!*) or to help guide us back to the hospital's Rehabilitation Ward a few minutes' walk away (without signs to assist in the route back, I would become anxious and utterly lost, as this particularly simple, rerouting task is heavily reliant on short-term memory & spatial navigation which was lost when hippocampus was killed, but with consistent and persistent practise, support and smart strategies like emotional lodging with a story connecting landmarks, street names etc, my abilities at living have improved and independence is slowly being regained - look at me now!).
On top of the undying passion for my profession and still being able to engage the little ones with my natural bossy/nurturing/witty ways (pheeeew!), as well as the gradual mind progress that has been achieved over the past two years, gifts from mates (Exhibit A above - proudly showcasing the hospital bare essentials - that dear Schoop knows her Special K well! So does KTG with her endless supply of the 'Five Food Groups') are continually being given as an unwell human (alriiiiight!), so really, there definitely are positives to this situation and I am holding onto them, embracing them and appreciating them like you wouldn't believe! Thoughtful buddies are constantly sending books they saw whilst out doing errands which made them instantly think of little ole me (amazing that they simply still regard a damaged Kitty as an actual human being who likes to read! Sometimes, my damaged mind remembers what is read too, although novels, in particular, are still difficult to simply follow the plot and its developments given the memory deficit - be grateful for your intact brain's abilities!). Some considerate friends even put Post-Its on pages of the books they give that they anticipate I will especially like with their own little analysis of such. These little (big) acts of kindness are what warm my heart and I hope, hope, hope other stroke survivors have this type of genuine warmth, open-minded, empathetic attitudes and selfless support, not only because we can feel incredibly broken, vulnerable and forgotten, but also because we often feel like we are no longer taken seriously as people, nay as adults, so for family and mates to still treat us/me as such, brings much joy and contentment (great deflection of brain woes that I highly recommend, stroke supporters!).
Definitely not as witty as this Kitty and you'd probably share more of your chocolate treats with friends and not insist on as much spooning as I have, but other than that, I like to think that like-minded people in my age bracket would also fight to take the positive out of this type of challenging + extreme situation that has seen you suddenly finding yourself confronted with the overwhelming likelihood you may very well die (whilst overseas in your 20s, away from your immediate family and most of your dear buddies, with no closure, full of regret, longing, self-doubt and fear). If you are to survive, drastic loss of quality of life through not only losing your ability to work and the purpose such provides, the location of your life, its thrilling lifestyle and your sacred independence, but also acquiring long-term disabilities that make it incredibly difficult to focus on optimal stroke rehabilitation. There are too many unique, character-building moments to turn on this damaged mind and the current situation it has caused. Genuine friends would always encourage the positive Kitty vibes to return during darker moments by treating me as they normally would, not judging nor comparing myself to others/my former self and deflecting the debilitating fear and loss I was dealing with by using their unique humour and warmth to ensure I felt included in their worlds. THANK YOU!
Through novice research, it is a shock to read about other stroke survivors who describe how doctors and people they personally know have said they would have been 'better off dead'. They have survived a truly awful event with a catastrophic illness, most likely leading to death in the immediate months/years post and the struggle, alienation & loss in the aftermath is indeed reality, in your face, long and challenging (for the close, sincere supporters too). When I read some other young stroke survivors' firsthand online pieces, I can't help but be amazed and inspired by their particular spirit and tenacity. Of course, there would be some survivors who don't handle the situation as well as others, but perhaps that's due to the lack of a support network and the actual brain damage (the stroke effects are more in the aftermath - years - than during the event of such), rather than their personal attitude. Whilst my brain hasn't taken away my passion for teaching the future people of our world (my favourite part of the week is when I volunteer at a school two days a week!), it so easily could have and all my brain's woes can be forgiven for sparing that rewarding desire (+ also leaving my sense of humour! Still pretty funny, lucky for you).
Sometimes, I do feel brave merely getting up in the morning as a stroke survivor (there has definitely been some days/weeks/months where my bedroom & home have been my 'prison cell' - a warm one thanks to my supportive 'warden', Mother Duck, though), to continue on and simply live when you know that your life is a constant uphill battle (that goes months without any progress, is as alienating a situation you could have in your 20s and is not black and white with a gentle, yet distinct, incline in improvements like some people think) every single second (that - initially - was only meant to be a week's rehab - now over two years - almost 10% of my life thus far! It feels as if it's now been 50% - will it reach 50%?!) and all the while, whilst in your prime, with the people who are also in their prime living what you can now only dream of (i.e.: simply not having an alarm on my phone to remind me when it's that time of the month, being in a city/country I want to live in and/or cooking an easy dish independently is a fantasy of mine. Don't even get me started on full-time work, independence, dating and travelling the world - you lucky ducks! Please do be grateful for those seemingly simple things). From my own experiences, as well as other stroke survivors' recounts and neurology literature, losing your mind ultimately and inevitably (on top of all its direct effects according to the location and severity of damage) devalues your self-worth and while it is primarily up to you to pick yourself back up (and I'm very proactive in such despite every single action I want to make feeling as unattainable as catching the Easter Bunny!), there have been some truly amazing, empathetic and selfless people who have supported throughout this struggle (and not made it about them nor given up when the going gets tough!). They have rocked up at hospital to celebrate my birthday (that's sadder than a kid's party without cake nor pass-the-parcel) that was meant to be spent on a wild adventure overseas, offered spoons in a single bed (in a hospital ward full of oldies and brain-damaged souls that yelp 'help!' every couple of minutes & continually fold sheets in a corner together. They were cuties though) as my entire body involuntarily shook with grief (a specific experience that is in my long-term memory bank for that degree of grief only comes during extreme times in your life), deflecting with their iPhone photos (21st-Century therapy) of people they were dating and/or photos from their recent holidays (to which I lived vicariously through them and felt an instant spring in my step for I recalled why life was worth living) and to those good eggs who ensured to keep their support switch shining (even when they knew that they'd cry the moment they left my company - every single time because they felt so much of what I felt - a development that has only recently been divulged to this Kitty. What extraordinary spirits to continue to support despite the cruel pain experienced upon seeing someone so utterly brain damaged) - keep up the bloody good work, you supportive pumps!
These beautiful sunflowers were just one of many gifts that were given from the darling school and its supportive community first day back at school following Stroke #1 when self-belief was at an all-time low.
First day back at work (6.5 weeks post Stroke 1 - after summer holidays/stroke rehab. Looking pretty chuffed by all the unconditional love for my abnormal, unhealthy (can you tell I had a massive stroke less than two months earlier?! Nope - be aware of the subtleties of a stroke survivor's severe brain battles)! Understandably.
Support makes all the difference -
in mood, in belief, in rehabilitation.
Take note.
Twickenham, United Kingdom
September 2012
Thank you for the support from all around the globe - it's what makes this experience manageable and my drive tenacious.
Student hand-made love mail - Hallmark eat your heart out!
Twickenham, United Kingdom
July 2012
Here's hoping my unique (some lovely supporters have said courageous, although this is certainly not absent of fear; I'm merely acting in spite of such) mind stance after suffering dual brain damage & staring (likely) death in its ugly face (and conquering it!) inspires you (& this Kitty too during the challenging days) to relax (Frankie says so!), to relish simply being alive in the moment (although nothing is 'simple' about life itself - it's a miracle & indeed a privilege - embrace it!), where we strive for our wildest dreams, despite what life may throw our way, to reach our ultimate potential by ensuring to utilise life's best blessing - humour! Furthermore, following 4L's Class Rules (my dear British students created the below guide during first days back at school in September after 2012 Stroke #1's 'convenient' 6.5 week Summer Holiday 'rehab' - spot on rules! 4L Rules!) together with Mark Twain's Tips On How To Live will be the trick to a far more happy, prosperous and substantial life.
Although I am now damaged, I'm definitely not broken, nor is the character, drive, love, humour, honesty, vitality, honesty, courage, motivation, compassion and passion (these are obviously the traits I value - I'm sure you do too!) within compromised - if anything, it has been intensified and heightened from the dual brain damage despite its vast range of effects & the sheer losses that have been thrust upon this young feline. There's never been a time in my life when I've approved of myself & my loved ones more than present day, striving for what I want out of this life with the people who are decent human beings and truly matter. It would not surprise you to learn that not being able to do anything that you want to do with your life, during its prime, is actually quite the humbling experience to have while in your youthful years & I truly do believe in The Rolling Stones' wise mantra that despite not getting what I want, with my renowned perseverance, I will get what I need. Boom.
Be stroke smart by being aware of the above confronting statistics as well as your individual stroke risk (use National Stroke Foundation's Stroke Risk Score Card) and altering your lifestyle and its choices accordingly (see previous entries on simple strategies you can easily adopt to actively reduce your individual stroke risk, including yoga, tomatoes, red wine, rest & sunshine, plus consulting knowledgeable doctors - yesssss!), along with being able to promptly identify the classic stroke signs (no matter how subtle) with the help of these educational pieces (below) on understanding strokes, their symptoms and the importance of Acting FAST (pun intended).
You could very well be a true blue hero by saving the life of a stroke sufferer and limit the effects of such cruel brain damage when you Act FAST.
You could very well be a true blue hero by saving the life of a stroke sufferer and limit the effects of such cruel brain damage when you Act FAST.
Remember the sensational Stroke Heroes Act Fast video from earlier blog entries?
Please do spread it around, as well as actively learn the informative lyrics yourself so that you thoroughly grasp typical stroke symptoms.
You could be a stroke hero by swiftly acknowledging a stroke in the actual event of such & Acting FAST (above) so we all can have optimal hope of survival with minimal brain damage and nasty effects if a stroke strikes (anytime, anywhere, anyone).
Stroke = 'Blood Thirsty Silent Serial Killer'
You could be a stroke hero by swiftly acknowledging a stroke in the actual event of such & Acting FAST (above) so we all can have optimal hope of survival with minimal brain damage and nasty effects if a stroke strikes (anytime, anywhere, anyone).
Stroke = 'Blood Thirsty Silent Serial Killer'
Stroke Heroes Act FAST has quite the effective jingle, but terror has got to be what is most effective in getting our attention, as well as giving that emotional attachment to properly lock information in our memory banks and seriously consider altering our lifestyle choices.
So, in late 2012, a gruesome and graphic medical advertisement was making the rounds on Australian television describing stroke as a 'blood thirsty silent serial killer'.
Naturally, such a confronting and violent piece was swiftly banned from our TV screens due to viewer complaints about its aggressive and violent nature (it is still available on the reliable ole Internet!), which is a shame for it precisely showcases to our currently-ignorant society how the brain is literally attacked (from the inside, out) when it is deprived of oxygen, killing the vital neurons that make up the brain and its advanced abilities, which in turn is reflected in a person's being, not just as they are experiencing the stroke and its drastic signs/effects, but also in the years/lifetime afterwards (with severity depending on time appropriate medical help was then administered).
I hope this 'blood-thirsty' piece (in link above) helps you to grasp some of the vast range of possible consequences one may suffer from for years/indefinitely after experiencing a stroke, as well as the importance in Acting FAST with early detection (be a stroke hero - know the signs, for everyone's sake!) and appropriate medical treatment for survival with minimal damage.
Furthermore, this two-time stroke-surviving teacher also encourages you to be understanding of a stroke survivor's obstacles, struggles, mood, self-confidence, self-belief and newfound life in the years post brain damage by becoming familiar with stroke education and simple awareness. Remember (rich coming from this 'Dory'!), my two strokes hit a) whilst initially unwinding at a refreshing end-of-school-year staff party in London's Richmond Upon Thames borough (that was celebrating the commencement of 6 weeks of Summer Holidays) and b) as I was lying in bed in London's SW4 borough, waking for the otherwise easy day off work ahead (that was during a week's break from school so an incredibly relaxed environment - strokes truly don't discriminate in all facets. They hit whomever and whenever they 'bloody' well like! My blood-thirsty strokes, in particular, preferred to hit when I was completely relaxed while on my school holidays, so be aware of their 'equal opportunity' tendencies!).
These 'blood-thirsty' silent serial killers can and will happen any time and to anyone.
Tennis guru, Rod Laver. had a stroke whilst doing an ESPN interview, Elaine's older manfriend (on Seinfeld, the show is actually, in fact, about something - the episode's ignorance - showcased by the characters who mistakenly shoved cookies in Elaine's lover's mouth *social commentary!* when he showed classic stroke symptoms - make it Jerry Seinfeld's least favourite Seinfeld episode) had his when they were on a date, someone I know - too in her prime 20s - experienced her stroke while walking down the street in the middle of the day, youthful Serene Branson (news reporter from earlier entries) had her acquired brain injury during a news broadcast live on TV and British singer, Jessie J, had an irregular heartbeat which caused her to suffer a brain attack at just 18 years old.
It's incredibly important to truly drive it home about strokes -
Any Time & To Anyone.
Be aware and be familiar.
Looking at the (below) Faces Of Stroke, have you (yet) noticed that strokes don't discriminate?
Fair of them to be, huh?!
So, in late 2012, a gruesome and graphic medical advertisement was making the rounds on Australian television describing stroke as a 'blood thirsty silent serial killer'.
Naturally, such a confronting and violent piece was swiftly banned from our TV screens due to viewer complaints about its aggressive and violent nature (it is still available on the reliable ole Internet!), which is a shame for it precisely showcases to our currently-ignorant society how the brain is literally attacked (from the inside, out) when it is deprived of oxygen, killing the vital neurons that make up the brain and its advanced abilities, which in turn is reflected in a person's being, not just as they are experiencing the stroke and its drastic signs/effects, but also in the years/lifetime afterwards (with severity depending on time appropriate medical help was then administered).
I hope this 'blood-thirsty' piece (in link above) helps you to grasp some of the vast range of possible consequences one may suffer from for years/indefinitely after experiencing a stroke, as well as the importance in Acting FAST with early detection (be a stroke hero - know the signs, for everyone's sake!) and appropriate medical treatment for survival with minimal damage.
Furthermore, this two-time stroke-surviving teacher also encourages you to be understanding of a stroke survivor's obstacles, struggles, mood, self-confidence, self-belief and newfound life in the years post brain damage by becoming familiar with stroke education and simple awareness. Remember (rich coming from this 'Dory'!), my two strokes hit a) whilst initially unwinding at a refreshing end-of-school-year staff party in London's Richmond Upon Thames borough (that was celebrating the commencement of 6 weeks of Summer Holidays) and b) as I was lying in bed in London's SW4 borough, waking for the otherwise easy day off work ahead (that was during a week's break from school so an incredibly relaxed environment - strokes truly don't discriminate in all facets. They hit whomever and whenever they 'bloody' well like! My blood-thirsty strokes, in particular, preferred to hit when I was completely relaxed while on my school holidays, so be aware of their 'equal opportunity' tendencies!).
These 'blood-thirsty' silent serial killers can and will happen any time and to anyone.
Tennis guru, Rod Laver. had a stroke whilst doing an ESPN interview, Elaine's older manfriend (on Seinfeld, the show is actually, in fact, about something - the episode's ignorance - showcased by the characters who mistakenly shoved cookies in Elaine's lover's mouth *social commentary!* when he showed classic stroke symptoms - make it Jerry Seinfeld's least favourite Seinfeld episode) had his when they were on a date, someone I know - too in her prime 20s - experienced her stroke while walking down the street in the middle of the day, youthful Serene Branson (news reporter from earlier entries) had her acquired brain injury during a news broadcast live on TV and British singer, Jessie J, had an irregular heartbeat which caused her to suffer a brain attack at just 18 years old.
It's incredibly important to truly drive it home about strokes -
Any Time & To Anyone.
Be aware and be familiar.
Looking at the (below) Faces Of Stroke, have you (yet) noticed that strokes don't discriminate?
Fair of them to be, huh?!
The seemingly most healthy person you know (which may even be yourself) could suffer a stroke while in their life's prime (or even in utero) that kills them suddenly, or if they are 'lucky' to initially survive the brain attack, experience a stroke that then causes death within just a few weeks/months/years, suddenly living their youthful life with severe, debilitating disabilities (strokes are the number one cause for disability in young adults) that can cruelly (and uncontrollably) change their life's direction and strip its range of choices, as well as a person's freedom, career, (so-called) friendship circles and independence, often instantly.
Stroke attacks your all-important brain. Every single part of your being, of your genetic make-up, of your physical abilities, of your thoughts and even your unique sense of humour and flair for cooking and dancing, of what you are capable of in the workforce and/or even merely knowing the normal protocols of public transport are linked to your vital grey matter! It's a far bigger deal than merely 'looking fine & healthy'.
From the way you interpret and execute language + numeracy, swallow, speak and catch/throw a ball, to how you handle everyday social occasions with correct etiquette and monitoring your moods appropriately and effectively, sit/walk/run to catch the bus 'just' 100m down a gentle slope, remember your bank card's pin (I've personally had an ignorant, impatient taxi driver threaten to call the police for momentarily forgetting my pin this year, thinking I was merely a con artist! If only he was stroke smart - insert one incredibly distraught feline!), operate a vehicle effectively and appropriately (stroke survivors may need to take official driving tests as if they are a teenager again when/if they feel capable of such a once-was-simple task!) and go run errands all by yourself (I still can't do this).
We rely on our minds more than we may 'consciously' realise, often taking them for granted and some ignorant, close-minded people do judge those who have acquired brain injuries (even brain-injured people can judge each other 'oh I wasn't like that, so they shouldn't be' - ignorance alert!) not only because of what they are currently incapable of, but also the liability some think people with acquired brain injuries are seen as to them at present time. This is more a reflection of the lack of life skills, knowledge and empathy by some and general ignorance of our current society than the actual stroke survivor.
Strokes, although they hit a person in their mind, may be caused by the heart (i.e.: a hole in such), immune system, circulatory system (immune and circulatory for this particular Special K - over-zealous Kitty attacking perfectly fine brain cells when blood vessels became inflamed in an attempt to fight off an infection that wasn't actually there), a car accident, playing sport or fight (aka physical trauma to the head), diet (including the legal drugs you take i.e.: Ibuprofen is said to triple the risk! If I could turn back time), weight and/or diabetes.
Don't be ignorant to the likelihood of a stroke in your lifetime and be aware of the controllable/uncontrollable risk factors together with the most common stroke symptoms (especially leading up to a stroke - mini-strokes, headaches, eyesight &/or balance issues etc), as well as the ongoing obstacles (that are not always seen/acknowledged by outsiders looking in) for a stroke survivor.
It'll surely make you a better human being!
Imagine for just a moment what it must be like to be a young adult, whilst in your life's otherwise prime - in career, travel, personal growth and achievements...
After suffering a severe acquired brain injury through no direct action on your part officially identified by various medical sorts,
you instantly lose the vast majority of your independence, your full-time job (after not being able to return and perform the duties expected of you by a required date and the need to fill the position), a range of so-called friends, your youthful lifestyle (it's now facing the complete opposite direction in every facet - 180 degree turn!) and even your cherished sense of identity.
It's more than 'just' the stroke and its deficits.
It's what you lose because your brain is damaged and has these deficits, which isn't
always a direct result of the damage.
Suffering two major strokes with their severe effects has been an incredibly slow, painful form of extreme torture to have in your youth and while I've been as proactive as I can in encouraging Neuroplasticity with axonal sprouting through regular occupational + speech & language therapy to help form new routes around the damaged/dead brain which is reflected in progress in my abilities as well as general independence with a range of therapies and volunteering at a primary school, it really is up to time and that is one incredibly daunting, grey-shaded concept, especially for those so incredibly unwell. I - like many stroke survivors before and after myself - just long for some control in my life.
Axonal Sprouting - finding new routes around damaged brain.
Hope for all stroke survivors!
This fascinating form of Neuroplasticity is what explains how I've personally regained almost all of my lost eyesight (I initially lost 50% - now it is less than 25%! Axonal-sprouting extraordinaire!), the short-term memory retention has grown considerably from merely a few seconds' worth (when second stroke struck in late 2012) and how stroke survivors everywhere are celebrating progress in a range of their capabilities post stroke. Every cloud has a silver lining and The Sun is surely starting to shine through these stormy (damaged minds do feel ever so stormy!) brain clouds.
Hope for all stroke survivors!
This fascinating form of Neuroplasticity is what explains how I've personally regained almost all of my lost eyesight (I initially lost 50% - now it is less than 25%! Axonal-sprouting extraordinaire!), the short-term memory retention has grown considerably from merely a few seconds' worth (when second stroke struck in late 2012) and how stroke survivors everywhere are celebrating progress in a range of their capabilities post stroke. Every cloud has a silver lining and The Sun is surely starting to shine through these stormy (damaged minds do feel ever so stormy!) brain clouds.
Did you know the cause of a stroke (to treat accordingly) isn't always identified immediately or at all, which can be frightening in itself - constantly living in fear of repeat brain attacks that will only cause more disabilities (Exhibit A - K.Laird. I thought a second stroke would result in death so was in denial to avoid the reality/likelihood and once Stroke 2 hit, I was petrified of a third, always asking people if they could see signs of another stroke if I had any subtle abnormality *i.e.: headache, twitching, dizziness, memory loss of information I'd normally retain post strokes yet hadn't = must be Stroke 3 symptoms*) or most likely, death, is utterly unbearable (my particular cause - a rare autoimmune disease that wrongly attacks healthy cells in an attempt to fight off a supposed infection, causing blood vessels to inflame, which then restricts blood to pass through them, depriving the mind of oxygen, thus equalling stroke - was deduced in November 2012 after thorough, invasive and traumatising testing over a course of many months that all came back as 'healthy'. Vasculitis - a disease I had no idea was around, but offers immense clarity and answers - Phantom of the Kitty?!). You suddenly (with no outside force - i.e.: vehicle crash, fight etc - physical trauma to the head - whatsoever, but with a similar consequence to such. I woke up like dis rings true for Stroke 2) lose your ability (with complete awareness of the vast array of deficits and loss) to not only comprehend people's communication (including their non-verbal communication, cues and/or actions), but also the simple ability (that you took for granted your entire life up until the day of the stroke/s like the majority of people around you) to be articulate and concentrate at the level you were once familiar with (i.e.: merely minutes earlier!) as well as an instant inability with speaking, understanding others with their *and your* body language, socialising, insight, reading (and comprehending such) and execution of effective and varied gestures (as a teacher, that's basically my career in a nutshell - sense of humour is my own added bonus - keeping that one for the kids' sakes). Boom! - there instantly goes your career, your freedom, your choices, your so-called friends, your life - and you're only in your 20s. Stroke (& its awful ramifications) can happen to any one of us at any time.
Balance, Coordination, Articulation, Speech, Comprehension, Customs & Working Memory
(...of large beer steins/pretzel order to tell willing wenches) =
Despite a massive stroke in July 2012 (see consequent brain damage below), I was able to take short flights to other European countries within weeks (after Stroke 2, we had to wait several weeks before I could even safely leave U.K. and when I did, compression stockings were advised as a precaution - still are! Feel like such a little old lady & I haven't even reached my 30s yet!) & (unbelievably - in hindsight) go back to full-time work (with helpful strategies - focused on technology - swiftly put in place for reminders of minor short-term memory hurdles - in hindsight, I certainly bit off more than I could chew by going back to work so soon after something as serious as an acquired brain injury) in London's lovely Richmond Upon Thames borough just six weeks after my first stroke in early September 2012.
Thank you to those for being so utterly accommodating (i.e.: coming into the airport to ensure I get on the plane successfully when alone) with no judgement of my (current) deficits, putting aside your own ego (hard for some!) and with no qualms (in my long-term memory bank anyway!) about your current (<<operative word) Kitty Karer role, dear Klubbers!
You're all mighty good eggs!
Just what the doctor ordered
Stroke Rehabilitation Initial Months Post Stroke 1
Motor Skill Control - Balance, Spasticity & Strength Level = Aussie Battler!
The Train Adventures Post/'Prost' A Day At Oktoberfest.
Despite some LHS weakness acknowledged by medical professionals, I know I am incredibly fortunate to have little issues with motor skill control
(friends were on-hand *PI* to be Kitty guides for actual mind deficits i.e.: to & from Oktoberfest and airport/hotel/bathroom ventures - thank you to the team!) and can still do my childhood love of horse riding. Rehab guru!
(...of large beer steins/pretzel order to tell willing wenches) =
Stroke Rehabilitation with Simone Mone Mone
Oktoberfest, Munich, Germany
Late 2012
Due to my insistence on leaving London's Charing Cross Hospital back in August 2012 after just a week of rehab in their Neuro Ward (I had still managed to make besties with the nurses/docs/chefs/OTs/speechies!), thinking (& feeling like) I was 'fine' and a range of hospital specialist outpatient appointments at various wards/clinics in London's world renowned hospitals (organised to try identify the cause of Stroke 1), as well as test the newfound brain boundaries in more depth, this Special K's actual 'Stroke Rehabilitation' phase mere weeks following Stroke 1 included battling the fear of being out in the real world (Agoraphobia - a direct effect of brain damage everyone should be aware of *and nurture; not judge*) by tackling it head-on with some spectacular supporters to help out where brain failed during the initial weeks of Stroke Rehab which were had all across London and Europe.Despite a massive stroke in July 2012 (see consequent brain damage below), I was able to take short flights to other European countries within weeks (after Stroke 2, we had to wait several weeks before I could even safely leave U.K. and when I did, compression stockings were advised as a precaution - still are! Feel like such a little old lady & I haven't even reached my 30s yet!) & (unbelievably - in hindsight) go back to full-time work (with helpful strategies - focused on technology - swiftly put in place for reminders of minor short-term memory hurdles - in hindsight, I certainly bit off more than I could chew by going back to work so soon after something as serious as an acquired brain injury) in London's lovely Richmond Upon Thames borough just six weeks after my first stroke in early September 2012.
Thank you to those for being so utterly accommodating (i.e.: coming into the airport to ensure I get on the plane successfully when alone) with no judgement of my (current) deficits, putting aside your own ego (hard for some!) and with no qualms (in my long-term memory bank anyway!) about your current (<<operative word) Kitty Karer role, dear Klubbers!
You're all mighty good eggs!
Just what the doctor ordered
Motor Skill Control - Balance, Spasticity & Strength Level = Aussie Battler!
The Train Adventures Post/'Prost' A Day At Oktoberfest.
Despite some LHS weakness acknowledged by medical professionals, I know I am incredibly fortunate to have little issues with motor skill control
(friends were on-hand *PI* to be Kitty guides for actual mind deficits i.e.: to & from Oktoberfest and airport/hotel/bathroom ventures - thank you to the team!) and can still do my childhood love of horse riding. Rehab guru!
Oktoberfest, Munich
Late 2012
Late 2012
While a stroke can affect fine motor skill, brain injuries can and do also affect parts of the brain where language is formulated & communication difficulties are typical symptoms of someone suffering from brain damage - both in the verbal and non-verbal sense (during and in the aftermath with severity dependent on a) brain's location of stroke, b) time it takes to acknowledge a stroke striking and c) appropriate medical assistance to regain consistent blood flow to all areas of the brain). The magical aspect of suffering from aphasia (language & communication effect from stroke that affects speech execution) is that the brain uses respective regions for singing and speaking, so many people who experience aphasia and struggle to talk like they once were accustomed to, can actually still sing with ease - Stroke-A-Chord is an Australian choir that is utilising stroke survivors' language and communication through music, despite their particular speech challenges. Pretty bloody magical!
It was surprising to learn (initially, with my own firsthand experience, followed by avid neurology research when I was personally confronted with such never-before-seen learning/comprehending/writing/speaking obstacles from 2012 on - study the fascinating organ yourself!) the extent a stroke can vastly challenge a person in purely the mental sense (as society typically looks straight to brain damage's physical effects i.e.: muscle control aka hypertonia, balance & coordination issues aka dyspraxia, dribbling/difficulty swallowing aka dysphagia, excess salivation aka sialorrhea, one-sided weakness aka hemiparesis and/or slurring of words aka dysarthria, where they tend to focus only on these as an indicator of one's extent of brain damage) whether it be through their understanding, articulation + execution of language and the communication of such known as aphasia (do watch this piece by lovely children reflecting on their dear Mother Duck & other loved ones acquiring such, how aphasia has particularly affected their lives, as well as how they are dealing with it in an effective, positive manner) and/or not being able to judge/handle/execute appropriate social situations, fearing being out in the real world (agoraphobia).
Language is merely one element of a long list of detrimental, debilitating and restricting effects from brain damage. There are many stories out there of stroke survivors experiencing a horrific stroke effect known as 'Locked-in Syndrome' which has meant their only means of communicating messages with others is to blink their eyes at a large alphabet board's letters. Through my own dealings and communication with fellow stroke survivors, people can physically see the challenges some stroke survivors face like that of Locked-in Syndrome (so are more obvious to identify) but my own obstacles - and that of countless other survivors - whilst also severe & constant, show to be far more complex for many (including medical professionals! One - upon meeting me and subsequently testing the mind's limitations - said, in retrospect, he hadn't realised the true severity when he initially met myself. So I am no longer shocked by people in the medical field being included in some of the ignorance) to identify without extensive testing. As part of the biweekly rehabilitation therapy sessions of both occupational and speech & language therapy over two years (where's my bachelor's degree for such?!), my range of devoted (sometimes funny, always diligent) therapists constantly practised and tested medical, social, educational and vocational stroke effects and the newfound needs for such, as well as testing that I was able to be in the 'real world' despite the brain damage (with tasks/tests regarded as typically simple for an adult i.e.: one OT organised this rehabilitation 'test' - 'buy three items at the newsagent that we listed just a few minutes' earlier, then after such, try find our way back from one hospital ward - where the newsagent is - to our original rehab ward that we just walked away from down a hall a moment ago. Use your own strategies to remember the list and try think what ward we'd need to return to as to help with direction and challenge yourself not to use signs, but rather your 'gut instinct' for it is your memory normally giving a subtle hint. Hot tip - try extra hard to encourage your short-term memory, take your time and think back to the mental cues you set up a few minutes' earlier to encourage new neurone routes' - part of the memory problems stem from this newfound anxiety that is frightening in itself, as I never used to be anxious! What is this 'anxiety' you speak of?! Brain, come on!!) to ensure different parts of the brain that are involved in different abilities and functions were working normally/effectively, as well as identify all areas that needed improvements/monitoring, in the hope I can one day be independent again.
It may seem absurd, but these initial tests were incredibly stressful for a brain-damaged soul (we'd occasionally have to stop/cancel attempting a test for I'd start crying or showing other signs of anxiety by the utter distress such confronting, challenging *basic for brain-abled* tasks caused, the fact I cried was also just as alarming as my emotions were unable to be controlled post strokes) - and I was totally aware that everyday activities should not be stressful. This acute awareness and constant comparison of my former self only made the situation worse (stroke survivors - try not to take this self-critical road, it's not pretty nor helpful) and, unsurprisingly, nerves would kick in where depleted self-belief and self-confidence for simply living made it and life all so very complicated for this 20-something Special K, accepting with utter heartbreak that this was my life forevermore (neuroplasticity - work, work, work your magic!). Rehabilitation was also done to identify areas of the damaged mind that needed urgent attention (according to those in the know - initial years post injury is when neuroplasticity is at its pinnacle and optimal rehabilitation with our adaptive minds can be achieved - so let's hone in on that!) . Stroke #1's hospital rehabilitation was one week long (I requested to leave at that point with outpatient appointments set for a later date to find the cause, although I could have done with considerably more therapy despite passing necessary discharge tests. I was in denial) and Stroke #2's hospital rehabilitation was six weeks with then over two years worth of official outpatient rehabilitation once back home Down Under, so when I did 'graduate', it felt as relieving/rewarding as getting your driver's licence. Perhaps an even bigger deal!
To help you understand the many facets this brain-damaged life has brought, think about what you achieved/did/travelled to in the past two years (with length of stagnation still growing indefinitely) and how confronting, isolating, challenging and utterly depressing it would be to suddenly lose that progression, excitement and independence in your 20s (yet everyone else your age seems to be healthy & continuing with what you now can only dream of), where you instead spend the two years at your regional family home - on the other side/end of the world - purely only permitted to focus on rest and rehabilitation with regular sessions each week at a confronting hospital and range of rehabilitation facilities (that are filled mostly with unwell seniors - they are such lovely sorts, but it is overwhelming at times to be the youngest person there, this wasn't meant to be how I lived my 20s) for this wretched mind that caused mass devastation (and doctors love to say that there was nothing you could do to prevent it!), losing as a direct result - your independence, freedom, job, (so-called, dodgy) friends, lifestyle and location of such. It's more than staring death in the face together with the brain damage and its limitations at such a young age; it's what you lose in your quality of life as a result (directly and indirectly). From what I have learnt from immersing myself in learning more about the mind, more than any other function of the brain, memories define who you are as a unique individual. Without such, imagine how confronting, traumatising and isolating it would be for you. It's utterly horrible especially when you add the other effects of brain damage + the vast loss experienced and whilst I do generally like to add some humour & my own unique flair to the situation, I am by no means sugarcoating it.
How long are you meant to continue through this painful plight?! How long can you continue through this painful plight?
Left: Kitty Kat's Stroke #1 permanent dead brain/brain damage
(white 'blob'/lesion, bottom LHS of brain)
- Occipital Lobe
(white 'blob'/lesion, bottom LHS of brain)
- Occipital Lobe
Right: Kitty Kat's Stroke #2 permanent dead brain/brain damage
(white 'seahorse'/lesion, bottom RHS of brain)
- Hippocampus
(white 'seahorse'/lesion, bottom RHS of brain)
- Hippocampus
Like I'm sure others who have had a life-changing injury, it is comforting to see images of the brain damage (white lesion at bottom LHS of brain - Stroke 1; white 'S'/seahorse lesion middle of brain's RHS - Stroke 2) - not only to explain technically why I currently (operative word!) am the way I am, but also to validate the vast array of struggles (docs are always expecting a far worse-off Kitty after examining the MRI shots before our first physical meet - Special K!). Of course, not only for the positive pumps of mine who so lovingly support but also for the medical gurus and also for society - as a whole.
It's science - and the deficits I've acquired are completely textbook! If you were comparing the damage the strokes caused to both brain hemispheres and how I'm dealing with it, well I guarantee, you'd be pretty impressed (like many educated folk) with my tenacity, progress, optimism, humour & spirit despite such utter tragedy and extreme loss.
The 'Aussie Battler' way - influenced by the 1/2 'Brit Blood' of keep calm and carry on.
Some of Stroke #1's initial rehabilitation's official testing included a visual field test (below left - shaded parts were the original sight deficit *+50%* in mid 2012 from Stroke #1 striking the occipital lobe and the delay in treating such - take note of the drastic effects to a being by not 'Acting Fast'! It could cost you your eyesight, or far worse, a severe long-term disability or quite likely, your life) and also, mere weeks post Stroke 1 (when sight was at its worst - instant 50% loss of range), Finding Way Around Foreign Country Test (below right - 'Czech' us out!).
I preferred the latter. So did he.
Stroke 1's delay in acknowledgement & then its appropriate treatment meant I initially lost 50% eyesight in both eyes (thanks to neuroplasticity, my youthful age and constantly using the eyes to trigger the brain's axonal sprouting of fresh pathways around the damaged part of my brain, this is slowly improving and eyesight is indeed being regained, still - two and a half years later. Sitting/staring at less than 25% deficit now - super brain!) hence 'requiring' seeing-eye-dog-men in the initial months following the first acquired brain damage when I was determined to continue with original plans of the 2012 Summer Euro Trip.
In hindsight, foreign places/music festivals with foreign people (and foreign rooster testes!) is not something you should do after suffering serious head trauma merely a week earlier, but try saying 'no' to Special K (I thought 'getting back on the horse' of LIFE was the best rehabilitation I could have - baptism of fire!).
It truly was stressful and daunting at times with a supposed friend abandoning this brain-damaged sister whilst overseas when I was petrified of the new, alien life - making it agonisingly harder with their sheer negligence and ignorance of brain injuries & what is acceptable treatment of a friend with a fresh brain injury (I learnt pretty swiftly how little society is aware of brain injuries and survivors of such), but it ultimately helped in regaining independence, self-belief and also, self-confidence (which I so desperately needed to regain more than the memory, balance, energy, sensation and eyesight deficits!) that was obliterated when Stroke #1 hit. The (above) doting seeing-eye-dog-man (along with other considerate sorts - I have discovered firsthand like many stroke survivors before, their treatment of you depends on them and the quality of human being they are */are not*, not on you nor the length of the supposed friendship. You could experience the most beautiful humanitarian experience with a complete stranger you meet on a bus who then gives you their email address and you become good mates - and I surely have! - and then the most heartbreaking abandonment by a supposed friend spanning a decade. Heads up!) took it in his stride (pun intended) just over a week after almost dying and losing that 'inner baboon' (in neuron count).
Strokes get the blokes
Czech Republic
August 2012
We LOVED that lasagne!
Thanks NHS!
Czech Republic
August 2012
We LOVED that lasagne!
Thanks NHS!
Did I technically need help with feeding myself? Not in my opinion (probably hers!).
We were clearly making the most of the unique situation at hand!
We were clearly making the most of the unique situation at hand!
Charing Cross Hospital, London
July 2012
The range of rehabilitation tests also included less stressful ones as an outpatient, such as the above visual field examinations (a common effect from stroke where whole sections of your visual field can be missing {homonymous hemianopia} - this may be permanent or temporary depending on neuroplasticity in the initial years' following. Young souls seem to fare better! Check out all the positives to having my strokes whilst in my 20s! Yes!). These rehabilitation tests also aimed to identify other stroke effects such as double vision, issues with moving images and/or sensitivity to light. So off I'd go in the months following Stroke 1 (when I was back as the full-time classroom teacher 6.5 weeks post brain attack *not 6 months - 2 years like minimally recommended*, where my supportive school would organise another teacher for my class for the brief time I was off site at rehab tests - thank you, dear St M), to London's Moorfields Eye Hospital for an official eye examination which blatantly confirmed a 50% sight deficit (as shown by the shaded parts in image above - I initially was unaware my vision loss was so extreme - not even constantly bumping into walls/people/boats/posts nor the sheer damage to the occipital lobe after Stroke 1 *white RHS chunk in MRI brain image above left* gave precise insight into the actual extent I lacked visual and spatial awareness). The severity of my viewing situation and initially needing (operative word) people to be hand-holding guides (seeing-eye-dog-boyfies - relishing said deficit on the Summer Euro Trip that followed in the weeks post Stroke #1 in mid 2012) could have (perhaps) been avoided if I had received appropriate medical help swiftly after the classic stroke symptoms became apparent during the day/night at the last-day-of-the-school-year celebrations in July 2012 (again, it's a true surprise I survived - what an Aussie Battler the brain is!). Furthermore, given both strokes were not promptly and appropriately treated (Stroke 2, although I immediately went to hospital in an ambulance when I woke with symptoms including extreme short term memory loss & heightened anxiety, was first thought to be an infection of the brain so critical time was also indeed wasted (days!) - be aware of the ignorance by all - including even some in the medical field), they unfortunately were not stopped in their tracks, giving full possible damage to my brain & being (yet here I still am!), meaning rehabilitation would be an (+ was - for two long years!) intense long, windy, uphill road.
KITTY KHALLENGE
Brain work out - talk about a 'pigment' (not figment!) of your imagination!
First read each word - was it a challenge?
Brain work out - talk about a 'pigment' (not figment!) of your imagination!
First read each word - was it a challenge?
Now, say the colour of each word - was it too a challenge?
Did you feel your brain having a work out? Compressing and showing you what it has got?
Did you feel your brain having a work out? Compressing and showing you what it has got?
What did you find more difficult? It could offer some clarity on how your special little brain works! Have a go with a mate - time it - fun!
A typical mind game performed at occupational and speech and language therapies post strokes - while it is generally an exciting, easy activity, you do notice your brain churning where the mind's hemispheres are conversing - the right hemisphere is trying to say the colour of the font, whilst the left hemisphere is insisting on reading the word.
Cheeky brain!
It's a refreshing-yet-challenging feeling, encouraging different thought processes that we don't often engage in during our adulthood. Some stroke survivors could actually struggle with this test after certain brain damage, but with time & practise, would get back into the swing of such mind games.
Get on board!
Furthermore, there are a range of clever websites + apps you can use to improve your mind (you always can no matter if it's damaged or perfectly intact!), including -
So....your little (funny) mate has just been admitted into hospital after suffering a massive stroke (and she's still kicking - figuratively and literally!)?
No better time to give her a 'make your own boyfriend' kit (still haven't needed to use it - surprised?!), kitty kat balloon, crisps (not chips in U.K.!), Ribena (British water) and world-class cookies. This helped with stroke rehab if only for the vast endorphins released by all the love, belief and support that came my way.
Hospital bare essentials - you're a keeper, Schoop!
Here's hoping other stroke survivors have buddies like this in their corner during the challenging years of stroke rehab
Here's hoping other stroke survivors have buddies like this in their corner during the challenging years of stroke rehab
Stroke #1 Hospital Hangs
Charing Cross Hospital, London
July 2012
“Slow or fast, large or small, the patient will ALWAYS make progress and improvements, following a stroke. The patient must really want to work hard in therapy and alone. Please note, that progress does NOT come easily. I remind you of Christine Waddell, 17 years with locked in syndrome and actually making phenomenal progress. Fact."
Kate Allatt - Fellow Stroke Survivor
Do you think you would be the same/similar way if this all happened to you?
How do you think your family/mates/acquaintances/strangers treat the situation?
How do you think your family/mates/acquaintances/strangers treat the situation?
Definitely not as witty as this Kitty and you'd probably share more of your chocolate treats with friends and not insist on as much spooning as I have, but other than that, I like to think that like-minded people in my age bracket would also fight to take the positive out of this type of challenging + extreme situation that has seen you suddenly finding yourself confronted with the overwhelming likelihood you may very well die (whilst overseas in your 20s, away from your immediate family and most of your dear buddies, with no closure, full of regret, longing, self-doubt and fear). If you are to survive, drastic loss of quality of life through not only losing your ability to work and the purpose such provides, the location of your life, its thrilling lifestyle and your sacred independence, but also acquiring long-term disabilities that make it incredibly difficult to focus on optimal stroke rehabilitation. There are too many unique, character-building moments to turn on this damaged mind and the current situation it has caused. Genuine friends would always encourage the positive Kitty vibes to return during darker moments by treating me as they normally would, not judging nor comparing myself to others/my former self and deflecting the debilitating fear and loss I was dealing with by using their unique humour and warmth to ensure I felt included in their worlds. THANK YOU!
Through novice research, it is a shock to read about other stroke survivors who describe how doctors and people they personally know have said they would have been 'better off dead'. They have survived a truly awful event with a catastrophic illness, most likely leading to death in the immediate months/years post and the struggle, alienation & loss in the aftermath is indeed reality, in your face, long and challenging (for the close, sincere supporters too). When I read some other young stroke survivors' firsthand online pieces, I can't help but be amazed and inspired by their particular spirit and tenacity. Of course, there would be some survivors who don't handle the situation as well as others, but perhaps that's due to the lack of a support network and the actual brain damage (the stroke effects are more in the aftermath - years - than during the event of such), rather than their personal attitude. Whilst my brain hasn't taken away my passion for teaching the future people of our world (my favourite part of the week is when I volunteer at a school two days a week!), it so easily could have and all my brain's woes can be forgiven for sparing that rewarding desire (+ also leaving my sense of humour! Still pretty funny, lucky for you).
Sometimes, I do feel brave merely getting up in the morning as a stroke survivor (there has definitely been some days/weeks/months where my bedroom & home have been my 'prison cell' - a warm one thanks to my supportive 'warden', Mother Duck, though), to continue on and simply live when you know that your life is a constant uphill battle (that goes months without any progress, is as alienating a situation you could have in your 20s and is not black and white with a gentle, yet distinct, incline in improvements like some people think) every single second (that - initially - was only meant to be a week's rehab - now over two years - almost 10% of my life thus far! It feels as if it's now been 50% - will it reach 50%?!) and all the while, whilst in your prime, with the people who are also in their prime living what you can now only dream of (i.e.: simply not having an alarm on my phone to remind me when it's that time of the month, being in a city/country I want to live in and/or cooking an easy dish independently is a fantasy of mine. Don't even get me started on full-time work, independence, dating and travelling the world - you lucky ducks! Please do be grateful for those seemingly simple things). From my own experiences, as well as other stroke survivors' recounts and neurology literature, losing your mind ultimately and inevitably (on top of all its direct effects according to the location and severity of damage) devalues your self-worth and while it is primarily up to you to pick yourself back up (and I'm very proactive in such despite every single action I want to make feeling as unattainable as catching the Easter Bunny!), there have been some truly amazing, empathetic and selfless people who have supported throughout this struggle (and not made it about them nor given up when the going gets tough!). They have rocked up at hospital to celebrate my birthday (that's sadder than a kid's party without cake nor pass-the-parcel) that was meant to be spent on a wild adventure overseas, offered spoons in a single bed (in a hospital ward full of oldies and brain-damaged souls that yelp 'help!' every couple of minutes & continually fold sheets in a corner together. They were cuties though) as my entire body involuntarily shook with grief (a specific experience that is in my long-term memory bank for that degree of grief only comes during extreme times in your life), deflecting with their iPhone photos (21st-Century therapy) of people they were dating and/or photos from their recent holidays (to which I lived vicariously through them and felt an instant spring in my step for I recalled why life was worth living) and to those good eggs who ensured to keep their support switch shining (even when they knew that they'd cry the moment they left my company - every single time because they felt so much of what I felt - a development that has only recently been divulged to this Kitty. What extraordinary spirits to continue to support despite the cruel pain experienced upon seeing someone so utterly brain damaged) - keep up the bloody good work, you supportive pumps!
'If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be'
Maya Angelou
Positive to currently being an unwell, abnormal (and amazing because of such - just ask Maya, above!) Miss Laird =
Continual thoughtful gifts/cards/books/jokes/hugs/letters from students, colleagues, fellow neuro hospital/rehab patients/nurses/therapists, acquaintances, friends & especially family - even relative strangers I meet wanting hugs within minutes of the Chitty Chat commencing and others through the virtual world - they are honestly everywhere I turn, which makes this brain-damaged Kitty realise just how fortunate I am to have such goodies, the positive effect I have on such a range of extraordinary people and why what has happened is shaping the better human I am becoming (<<operative word - currently in progress!). I honestly could not think of a better suited person in my age bracket to deal with this major set-back and people have told me from Day One that I'm handling it better than they imagine anyone else to - perhaps because I've got a range of mates to support. Their belief has been extraordinary and they have certainly encouraged embracing this hurdle with my usual relentless tenacity and good (amazing) humour. The best.First day back at work (6.5 weeks post Stroke 1 - after summer holidays/stroke rehab. Looking pretty chuffed by all the unconditional love for my abnormal, unhealthy (can you tell I had a massive stroke less than two months earlier?! Nope - be aware of the subtleties of a stroke survivor's severe brain battles)! Understandably.
Support makes all the difference -
in mood, in belief, in rehabilitation.
Take note.
Twickenham, United Kingdom
September 2012
Thank you for the support from all around the globe - it's what makes this experience manageable and my drive tenacious.
Student hand-made love mail - Hallmark eat your heart out!
Twickenham, United Kingdom
July 2012
The brain is a malleable organ that never stops changing and adapting with new neural pathways generated if injury is acquired (in an attempt to reclaim some of your former abilities) and the younger you are, the more likely your brain will regain some of what it has so cruelly lost, given its youthful plasticity. Just like other stroke survivors I am in contact with all across the world (and actively research thanks to my buddie, The 'Net), our little (fighting) brains & their progress after strokes are evidence of Neuroplasticity. To further credit Neuroplasticity, in my particular case, the eyesight that was lost in July 2012's fire in the brain is nearly all back, the one-sided weakness (Hemiparesis), together with the tingling RHS pins and needles sensation (Paraesthesia - that was once constant and at times, unbearable - lucky I have such willing/affectionate Klubbers to tickle me!) is slowly, but surely reducing (with great sadness, I tell you the highly commended seeing-eye-dog boyfies have now been made redundant) and that wretched short-term memory retention I've been missing more than my dignity (just joking?!) is indeed increasing (check out the brain performance scores below from the highly addictive phone app - Luminosity for undeniable evidence - Progress City for Kitty!) - & this is all due to these new neuron avenues (let's call them 'Electric Avenues' in homage to an adored London spot that is Brixton) and the electricity that is ever so present in our beautiful brains (damaged or not)!
The human brain is the ultimate Aussie Battler, so I do appreciate it more than ever (so do Klubbers, no doubt)! Through all the struggles, suffering and personal demons, my mindset has been one of the many powerful forces of love, motivation, humour and courage that is ensuring I successfully fight this brain injury + conquer in life & I wholeheartedly recommend focusing on rehab of the brain (if damaged), growth as a human and being incredibly grateful for any support thrown my way where I actively try now not to focus on what I have lost and/or comparing myself to others who are currently healthy achieving what was once an attainable life, but rather, I focus on my own inner strength during the immense darkness & the unrelenting light I still exude despite this overwhelming isolation, loss and heartbreak. Us Aussies/Brits are rarely victims & my strength (and the strength of those that have always been by my side - PUMPS!) is a powerful force that has definitely influenced my brain's remarkable progress (merely being back in the classroom & also being home alone - all by myself like a real, independent adult! - for more than an hour were wild fantasies in those early months/years post Stroke 2! Progress City, boom!). While it has been a gruelling, challenging and devastating 2+ years, with immense loss in all facets of my life (& that of some of my loved ones' lives), it has also been life reaffirming (I want to live so much more now than before the strokes!), offering clarity on who I am, who I want to be, my life's endeavours, as well as why I am here, what/who truly matters + what/who doesn't and also confirming the extraordinary people I should specifically invest my time & energy in during this lifetime. Pretty special those flamin' two strokes, wouldn't you agree?!
The human brain is the ultimate Aussie Battler, so I do appreciate it more than ever (so do Klubbers, no doubt)! Through all the struggles, suffering and personal demons, my mindset has been one of the many powerful forces of love, motivation, humour and courage that is ensuring I successfully fight this brain injury + conquer in life & I wholeheartedly recommend focusing on rehab of the brain (if damaged), growth as a human and being incredibly grateful for any support thrown my way where I actively try now not to focus on what I have lost and/or comparing myself to others who are currently healthy achieving what was once an attainable life, but rather, I focus on my own inner strength during the immense darkness & the unrelenting light I still exude despite this overwhelming isolation, loss and heartbreak. Us Aussies/Brits are rarely victims & my strength (and the strength of those that have always been by my side - PUMPS!) is a powerful force that has definitely influenced my brain's remarkable progress (merely being back in the classroom & also being home alone - all by myself like a real, independent adult! - for more than an hour were wild fantasies in those early months/years post Stroke 2! Progress City, boom!). While it has been a gruelling, challenging and devastating 2+ years, with immense loss in all facets of my life (& that of some of my loved ones' lives), it has also been life reaffirming (I want to live so much more now than before the strokes!), offering clarity on who I am, who I want to be, my life's endeavours, as well as why I am here, what/who truly matters + what/who doesn't and also confirming the extraordinary people I should specifically invest my time & energy in during this lifetime. Pretty special those flamin' two strokes, wouldn't you agree?!
'Humour is tragedy plus time'
- the ole Mark Twain (I've mentioned his Tips On How To Live in previous entries - and below - obsessed! Do join the club!) is one fascinating, wise soul.
As if these incredibly supportive (and gee whizz - on the money with judgement, amIright?!) words from one of my thoughtful British students (upon hearing I was unwell in late 2012) aren't enough to put a smile on your dial, the misspelling of my last name (at top - did cheeky adult, KG, assist in writing this lovely note?!) makes all the brain challenges thrown my way simply not matter. I'm alive and valued by the future people of our world - YES!
The thoughtful well wishes from British students (when I was in hospital and also being sent when I was sent back Down Under) are the best mind medicine.
LOVE.
Here's hoping my unique (some lovely supporters have said courageous, although this is certainly not absent of fear; I'm merely acting in spite of such) mind stance after suffering dual brain damage & staring (likely) death in its ugly face (and conquering it!) inspires you (& this Kitty too during the challenging days) to relax (Frankie says so!), to relish simply being alive in the moment (although nothing is 'simple' about life itself - it's a miracle & indeed a privilege - embrace it!), where we strive for our wildest dreams, despite what life may throw our way, to reach our ultimate potential by ensuring to utilise life's best blessing - humour! Furthermore, following 4L's Class Rules (my dear British students created the below guide during first days back at school in September after 2012 Stroke #1's 'convenient' 6.5 week Summer Holiday 'rehab' - spot on rules! 4L Rules!) together with Mark Twain's Tips On How To Live will be the trick to a far more happy, prosperous and substantial life.
Although I am now damaged, I'm definitely not broken, nor is the character, drive, love, humour, honesty, vitality, honesty, courage, motivation, compassion and passion (these are obviously the traits I value - I'm sure you do too!) within compromised - if anything, it has been intensified and heightened from the dual brain damage despite its vast range of effects & the sheer losses that have been thrust upon this young feline. There's never been a time in my life when I've approved of myself & my loved ones more than present day, striving for what I want out of this life with the people who are decent human beings and truly matter. It would not surprise you to learn that not being able to do anything that you want to do with your life, during its prime, is actually quite the humbling experience to have while in your youthful years & I truly do believe in The Rolling Stones' wise mantra that despite not getting what I want, with my renowned perseverance, I will get what I need. Boom.
First days 'back on the horse' post Stroke #1 were also the first days of the school year
(6.5 weeks *Summer Holidays* post acquired brain injury #1 with no official sick days - Aussie Battler!)
(6.5 weeks *Summer Holidays* post acquired brain injury #1 with no official sick days - Aussie Battler!)
Pick your favourite rule/s and apply it to your day today
(such rules definitely compete with Mark Twain's Helpful Hints On Good Living)!
Twickenham, United Kingdom
September 2012
High Five To That!
(A brain-abled Miss Laird *the tallest {for once} 'kid'* with lovely British students from yesteryear doing our traditional Friday Fives - an acknowledgement and celebration for all their hard work each week. Always so popular - that's definitely in my long-term memory bank! Yours too!
Despite not having the brain power to currently be the boss (2+ years later - that's 1/5 of my adult life thus far - quite traumatising!), I do regularly give out fireworks/fist pumps + high fives to students at the school I volunteer at every week - makes our respective days!
Do give out some yourself today - it does feel invigorating.
Twickenham, United Kingdom
July 2012
